You Promised

When I woke up the next morning Quinn wasn’t there but the headache was back. I got up and walked to the kitchen to find Vincent there. He’s always there having breakfast when I wake up.

“Hey.”
“Hey, where’s Quinn?” I asked. I sound a little too much like I cared a little too much. Maybe I did care, I’m not so sure anymore. Vincent said we used to be good friends maybe my heart is remembering that and my brain isn’t.
“He went home. Did you have fun yesterday?” He asked with a smirk.
“Oh, yeah, because I totally wasn’t sick and totally didn’t have a fever. So yeah, we totally had a lot of fun.” I answered him sarcastically. “So, how did the date go?” I asked to change the subject.
“It was great.” He said smiling. He didn’t even notice I was just changing the subject.
“You never told me her name.”
“Oh, it’s Jamia.” That name was familiar.
“’The name rings a bell.” I said.
“Of course it does! You had a girlfriend named Jamia. It was about a year or two ago. It almost got serious but you dumped her because you weren’t ready to marry.” He said shrugging.
I hadn’t remembered anything about her. I remember Bob telling me about her and I remembered Gerard saying she was just a cover.

Jamia was coming today. I’ve kind of missed her. Since I’m on tour I’m going crazy. I’m happy she’s visiting, I need to get laid.

Gerard’s been with Bert for the whole fucking tour. I hardly see him anymore apart form the shows when he’s too drunk to actually know who I am. I miss him. We were not only best friends but so much more, and now he just ignores me most of the time.

At first I didn’t want to believe he was drinking again, and I tried to help him, I did. Me and the rest of the band. Even other bands tried to help! But he won’t let us in. Only Bert. God, I even spat his name when I was thinking it.

The truth is I’m jealous, I’m seriously jealous. I wish I could go back in time, to the night when I told him I was just confused and that I wasn’t gay. I wish I could go back and tell him I love him and that he fucking made me gay the first time I saw him, but now I can’t because even if I did, the next day he wouldn’t remember..

I laid my head on the table, more forceful than I intended. It didn’t really hurt but it was enough to get Vincent’s attention.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. I didn’t look up.
“I just… I’ve been remembering the tour I did with The Used.”
“What’s wrong with it? I thought it had been a good tour.”
“It was, just not for me.”
“Why?” He said getting up to sit down closer to me.

“Gerard had a thing with Bert and I was jealous of it. I was regretting everything I said and I was also using my girlfriend to make sure the others knew I wasn’t gay and to get laid. When I remember it, it only makes me even more sure of the awful person I am.” I whispered. I had a feeling that if I talked louder I would cry and I didn’t want to. I’m missing Gerard, Bob and Mikey. I’m even missing Ray, thought I doubt it that he misses me too. I’m missing New Jersey and I’m missing the life I had! I’m missing my memory! I want it back so much! It’s awful not knowing what you did, why you did it, if someone hates you or why and making your friends sad for not remembering them. Quinn’s a pretty good actor, but I know he’s sad because I don’t remember him.
I don’t even know if my mom hates me or not!

The next thing I know I’m in the arms of someone and they are petting my hair.
“Don’t cry.” Vincent whispered.
“I want my memory back!”
“It will come back. Don’t worry.”

“Vincent?”
It was about 17 p.m. and Vincent and me were watching some movie. It was called ‘Nightmare before Christmas’. He said it was my favourite and that would always make me happier when I was sad. The name did ring a bell and if it wasn’t my favourite movie before it was now.
He drew his eyes from the television and looked at me.
“Yeah?”
“What do you know about my parents?” I asked. It wouldn’t let me alone; the thought that they hated me was dancing around in my head and wouldn’t leave.
“Not much. I only know you don’t talk to your mother.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure; you would always avoid the subject.” He said and looked at the TV again.
Gerard was right. My mom hated me.
“What about my dad?” He looked at me for a moment and then looked at the carpet.
“He’s dead.” He said.
“Oh.” I was affected by a devastating pain. My father was dead. I don’t remember him but he was my dad and I still loved him. “Vincent?” I called again. He looked at me. “I think my mom hates me because I’m gay.” He looked at me for a moment. I wasn’t looking at him but I could still feel his eyes on my face.
He must be making sure the pansy’s not gonna cry.

“Oh, God! Don’t stop please. Gerard! Oh-” My moans were curt of the door bell.
“You should go see who it is.” Gerard said.
“I don’t care, just keep going!”
“It can be important. We can continue this later. Now go.” He said. I rolled my eyes; whoever is at the door is in for it because whoever it is just interrupted the best blow job ever. I put some boxers on, if it were mine or Gerard’s I’m not sure. That’s what happens when two men decided to share one house. That and what were doing before we were rudely interrupted.
I opened the door hiding behind it. It would be embarrassing if I just answered the door with a bonner.

“Wha-?” I stopped when I saw who it was. “Mom?”
“Yes. Won’t you let me in?” I nodded and let got of the door turning around and walking to the room so she wouldn’t be able to see the bonner I was carrying.
“I’m going to change. Sit down.”

“Wait. Frank aren’t you even gonna kiss your mother?” I cursed under my breath. I was next to the couch so I grabbed a pillow and sat down with it on my lap. She sat next to me.
“I’m sorry mom, but it wasn’t a good time. I- I was with someone.” She looked down at the pillow covering my lap and blushed.

“Oh, Oh, I’m sorry. Go… uh… Do whatever you need.” I was getting up when I saw Gerard coming in he was only on his boxers. I stopped dead in my tracks. It was a bad idea because my mom noticed and it didn’t take long for her to see him. “Oh, hi Gera-” She said cutting herself off. “Wait, Frank! So, he’s the person you were with?” She shouted. Gerard’s eyes widened and he looked at me apologetically. I sat back down.
“Mom, I’m really sorry but-”
“No, I don’t want to listen! I- I can’t believe my son is one of them!” She shouted glaring at me.
“One of what?”
“Them. A fag!”
“Mom, please don’t go!” I shouted after her but she was already leaving.
“I’m not your mother! Don’t ever talk to me again.”