Now & Forever

There are nights when I wake up screaming. I think those are the worst.

For the past ten years, I haven’t had a decent nights sleep. Mind you, when I did drink I would black out for so long that I couldn’t dream but that is really it. Sleeping pills made me sleepy but I fought them off. Though when they were successful, it only increased the nightmares - the forbidden thoughts. It never drowned them out

Sleep isn’t good for me, we don’t get along very well. I see things in my sleep - things that haunt me even in the day, while I’m attending school or simply walking to Wawa.

I’ll never forget the time I woke up to a man screaming at the side of my bed - his eyes bleeding out along with his ears, gaping cuts along his torso, torn trousers, dirty fucking rotten flesh, green green nails - with speckles of brown - pulling at his hair. He collapsed to his knees as I crawled into the nearest corner, moving my knees to my chest and trying to breathe. He disappeared after his throat ran dry.

Mindy, she’s the point I’m getting to. She makes me feel safe - I know she’s here to love me .

In all my years of being here, I havent felt safe enough to close my eyes, to let myself drift off to sleep as someone else held me to there chest - letting them fully take on my nightmares and demons as they surround me

Mindy though, she’s here to protect me. She always will be. I feel asleep with my head on her chest before, her arms wrapped securely around me and our legs intwined. I slept for hours that night, well atleast seven that is.

And it doesn’t really matter if I have a bad dream or not, if she’s there when I wake up - I know everything will be okay.

I don’t really mind falling asleep when I’m with her - because I rather fall asleep safely with her and have a bad dream so shes there when I wake up, than fall asleep shaking and waking up screaming in an empty room.

I don’t know how she does what she does but she does it and she does it damn well.

And i couldn't ask for me. I would be stupid to.