Glades and Playgrounds
Chapter XXX;
Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.
I squeezed out more soap from the nearly empty bottle and poured it over my chest. Like transparent lava, it made its way down to my bellybutton and past.
Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.
I felt sick, nauseous and filthy. What we had done the other night, it freaked me out and sickened me.
“Why don’t you ask Gerard? He knows a lot about… illegal stuff, don’t you?”
“Why don’t you just shut the hell up?”
“And why don’t you just tell-“
“Bert!”
I knew I had to get out of the shower soon, or mom would start banging on the door. She had handled my odd behavior with ease, probably just assuming I had a fight with Gerard and that it would pass, but how could I forgive him for this? Or even talk to him, look at him? I bet he didn’t even want me to forgive him, now he could do whatever incestuous stuff he wanted to without getting caught. Just thinking about him and Mikey together made me gag. But just to look at the bright side of life, I could’ve found out in a much worse way. Like, finding them together in-
Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.
EW.
It wasn’t even gross in a funny way, it wasn’t like picturing your mom and dad having sex, this was worse, more painful, more disgusting, more wrong… There weren’t even words to describe such a fucking lowlife like Gerard. Sick, disgusting, incestuous, cheating son of a fucking whore.
I squeezed out the very last liquid from the soap bottle, scrubbing my skin furiously as the burning water burned my back. Somehow, I found it a lot easier to concentrate on the incestuous part than the cheating part. Easier to scream mean things at Gerard inside my head, easier to call him names and curse his mere existence than to cry or feel hurt.
When the remains of the soap were down the drain, I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. I had been preparing myself mentally to face them all in school today, and I had made up a plan. I’d ignore them. Com-fucking-pletely. Wouldn’t look at them. Wouldn’t talk to them. Wouldn’t show any signs of anger, hurt or sadness. I didn’t care, I didn’t mind, feel free to cheat on me, I never cared anyway, Gerard.
Spots of red had appeared on my shoulders and upper back from the hot water, and just like all the other stuff that had went wrong that morning, I got mad at Gerard for it.
“Frank, honey, you’re coffee’s getting cold!”
“Coming,” I mumbled, knowing that there was no way she could here me, and wrapped a towel around my waist. This day was bound to suck.
*
Half an hour later, I stepped out into the cold weather, feeling just slightly better when I saw that the sky was reflecting my mood. Heavy, dark gray clouds were blocking out the sun completely and the wind was whipping my hair out of my face. I had purposely left the house early to make sure Gerard and Mikey wouldn’t get the absurd idea that I wanted to walk with them to school, and my plan was working. The light was on in their room, I could see from my garden, so they hadn’t left their house yet.
I walked quickly, head bent down as I walked past their house, and it wasn’t until I had walked past it that I realized I had been holding my breath the whole time. Annoyed with myself, I hurried off to school and prayed that my so-called friends would leave me alone.
*
He didn’t do anything. He didn’t talk to me. He didn’t look at me. He didn’t try to contact me in any way. No text messages. No notes. No nothing. Just kept his eyes on the floor when he’d walk past me.
It wasn’t until after lunch I even opened my mouth to speak. I was standing by my locker, ridding my school bag from old papers and books I wouldn’t need when I realized someone stood behind me, waiting for me to notice him.
I turned my head cautiously, saw it was Billie Joe and then turned back to my locker.
“Hey?”
“Hi,” I mumbled, not sure if I could really talk to him, or if he had been going behind my back as well. He didn’t do anything else, just stood there á la Billie Joe, shifting his weight from one foot to another.
“What’s wrong?”
Either he was messing with my head, or Gerard hadn’t told him.
“Nothing,” I answered shortly.
“Are you and Gerard fighting, or what?”
“What makes you think that?” I asked and slammed my locker shut and pushed past him.
“’Cuz you’re not talking… duh…”
“Nothing goes past you, huh?”
“Hey, fuck, I haven’t done you anything, so just drop the sarcasm.”
“Sorry,” I said motionlessly, “Are you here because Gerard sent you?” Woah. That felt like something out of a science fiction-movie.
“Uh… No? Gerard hasn’t been talking to any of us today.”
“Oh,” I said, “Well, when you see him, tell him… Or no, never mind. Uh… I have English in two minutes… so…”
“Alright, I’ll see you later,” he said, sounding disappointed as he obviously hadn’t worked out why Gerard and I weren’t talking. “Uhm, Frank?”
“Yeah?” I said, just as I was about to enter the classroom.
“You know, just because you and Gerard are fighting doesn’t mean we’ll…. you know, choose sides or anything. If you wanna hang out, then you know where to find us.” And a second later, he was out of sight.
*
In English, we didn’t have anything to do, seeing as Christmas was just around the corner and all the exams were over, so the class just watched Moulin Rouge. I actually liked that movie, but I had a handful of girls behind me who were all convinced they could sing, so, with permission from the teacher, they sang along to every song. And it’s a fucking musical.
An hour into the movie, my cell phone beeped in my pocket, and I carefully hauled it up. It was from Gerard, and I had promised myself not to read letters, notes or text messages from him, but I couldn’t help myself. I could just read if and pretend that I hadn’t. He’d never know anyway.
Heeeya sexy, wbnna hav buttseckr???
Two seconds later, the phone beeped again and a new message from Gerard came up on the small display.
I didnt send that, Tre stole my phone, Im sorry. xo.
And a few seconds later, he sent a new message.
Now when I have the courage to talk to you, can we meet up after school?
Ten seconds later;
Totally understand if you dont want to
And then;
You wont tell anyone, right? About what you heard?
And finally;
Please, just answer Frank
What annoyed me the most wasn’t his messages; it was the lump in my throat that kept growing. I wanted to come up with a sentence that would hurt him so bad he wouldn’t have the guts to even think about me. I wanted him to be too ashamed to contact me, but he didn’t seem to be all too nervous about it.
“If you as much as look at me I’ll tell your parents what you and your sick brother are doing” I wrote, but hesitated when my thumb was on the send-button. Was it too harsh? But wasn’t that the point? I regretted it the second I pressed send. I had just wasted money on the freak.
I squeezed out more soap from the nearly empty bottle and poured it over my chest. Like transparent lava, it made its way down to my bellybutton and past.
Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.
I felt sick, nauseous and filthy. What we had done the other night, it freaked me out and sickened me.
“Why don’t you ask Gerard? He knows a lot about… illegal stuff, don’t you?”
“Why don’t you just shut the hell up?”
“And why don’t you just tell-“
“Bert!”
I knew I had to get out of the shower soon, or mom would start banging on the door. She had handled my odd behavior with ease, probably just assuming I had a fight with Gerard and that it would pass, but how could I forgive him for this? Or even talk to him, look at him? I bet he didn’t even want me to forgive him, now he could do whatever incestuous stuff he wanted to without getting caught. Just thinking about him and Mikey together made me gag. But just to look at the bright side of life, I could’ve found out in a much worse way. Like, finding them together in-
Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.
EW.
It wasn’t even gross in a funny way, it wasn’t like picturing your mom and dad having sex, this was worse, more painful, more disgusting, more wrong… There weren’t even words to describe such a fucking lowlife like Gerard. Sick, disgusting, incestuous, cheating son of a fucking whore.
I squeezed out the very last liquid from the soap bottle, scrubbing my skin furiously as the burning water burned my back. Somehow, I found it a lot easier to concentrate on the incestuous part than the cheating part. Easier to scream mean things at Gerard inside my head, easier to call him names and curse his mere existence than to cry or feel hurt.
When the remains of the soap were down the drain, I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. I had been preparing myself mentally to face them all in school today, and I had made up a plan. I’d ignore them. Com-fucking-pletely. Wouldn’t look at them. Wouldn’t talk to them. Wouldn’t show any signs of anger, hurt or sadness. I didn’t care, I didn’t mind, feel free to cheat on me, I never cared anyway, Gerard.
Spots of red had appeared on my shoulders and upper back from the hot water, and just like all the other stuff that had went wrong that morning, I got mad at Gerard for it.
“Frank, honey, you’re coffee’s getting cold!”
“Coming,” I mumbled, knowing that there was no way she could here me, and wrapped a towel around my waist. This day was bound to suck.
*
Half an hour later, I stepped out into the cold weather, feeling just slightly better when I saw that the sky was reflecting my mood. Heavy, dark gray clouds were blocking out the sun completely and the wind was whipping my hair out of my face. I had purposely left the house early to make sure Gerard and Mikey wouldn’t get the absurd idea that I wanted to walk with them to school, and my plan was working. The light was on in their room, I could see from my garden, so they hadn’t left their house yet.
I walked quickly, head bent down as I walked past their house, and it wasn’t until I had walked past it that I realized I had been holding my breath the whole time. Annoyed with myself, I hurried off to school and prayed that my so-called friends would leave me alone.
*
He didn’t do anything. He didn’t talk to me. He didn’t look at me. He didn’t try to contact me in any way. No text messages. No notes. No nothing. Just kept his eyes on the floor when he’d walk past me.
It wasn’t until after lunch I even opened my mouth to speak. I was standing by my locker, ridding my school bag from old papers and books I wouldn’t need when I realized someone stood behind me, waiting for me to notice him.
I turned my head cautiously, saw it was Billie Joe and then turned back to my locker.
“Hey?”
“Hi,” I mumbled, not sure if I could really talk to him, or if he had been going behind my back as well. He didn’t do anything else, just stood there á la Billie Joe, shifting his weight from one foot to another.
“What’s wrong?”
Either he was messing with my head, or Gerard hadn’t told him.
“Nothing,” I answered shortly.
“Are you and Gerard fighting, or what?”
“What makes you think that?” I asked and slammed my locker shut and pushed past him.
“’Cuz you’re not talking… duh…”
“Nothing goes past you, huh?”
“Hey, fuck, I haven’t done you anything, so just drop the sarcasm.”
“Sorry,” I said motionlessly, “Are you here because Gerard sent you?” Woah. That felt like something out of a science fiction-movie.
“Uh… No? Gerard hasn’t been talking to any of us today.”
“Oh,” I said, “Well, when you see him, tell him… Or no, never mind. Uh… I have English in two minutes… so…”
“Alright, I’ll see you later,” he said, sounding disappointed as he obviously hadn’t worked out why Gerard and I weren’t talking. “Uhm, Frank?”
“Yeah?” I said, just as I was about to enter the classroom.
“You know, just because you and Gerard are fighting doesn’t mean we’ll…. you know, choose sides or anything. If you wanna hang out, then you know where to find us.” And a second later, he was out of sight.
*
In English, we didn’t have anything to do, seeing as Christmas was just around the corner and all the exams were over, so the class just watched Moulin Rouge. I actually liked that movie, but I had a handful of girls behind me who were all convinced they could sing, so, with permission from the teacher, they sang along to every song. And it’s a fucking musical.
An hour into the movie, my cell phone beeped in my pocket, and I carefully hauled it up. It was from Gerard, and I had promised myself not to read letters, notes or text messages from him, but I couldn’t help myself. I could just read if and pretend that I hadn’t. He’d never know anyway.
Heeeya sexy, wbnna hav buttseckr???
Two seconds later, the phone beeped again and a new message from Gerard came up on the small display.
I didnt send that, Tre stole my phone, Im sorry. xo.
And a few seconds later, he sent a new message.
Now when I have the courage to talk to you, can we meet up after school?
Ten seconds later;
Totally understand if you dont want to
And then;
You wont tell anyone, right? About what you heard?
And finally;
Please, just answer Frank
What annoyed me the most wasn’t his messages; it was the lump in my throat that kept growing. I wanted to come up with a sentence that would hurt him so bad he wouldn’t have the guts to even think about me. I wanted him to be too ashamed to contact me, but he didn’t seem to be all too nervous about it.
“If you as much as look at me I’ll tell your parents what you and your sick brother are doing” I wrote, but hesitated when my thumb was on the send-button. Was it too harsh? But wasn’t that the point? I regretted it the second I pressed send. I had just wasted money on the freak.