You Had Me Wishing We Were Something

"John, I love you so much, its just" I started as I took a big breath. How was I supposed to say this? I agreed to marry you but then I got cold feet? Oh! And I heard you and your mom talking too..

" Its fine, whatever" John said bluntly as he started to make his way out of my room. My eyes went wide in shock as I stopped him by stepping in his path. Really now, that's it?

"Whatever?" I asked in disbelief.

John just shrugged his shoulders.

I started to breath heavier. He shouldn't be taking it like this.

"Aubrey, I love you so much. Its unbearable how much I love you. I want to be with you and only you forever, but the fact that its taken us so much just to get here, and then we end up taking three steps back proves something."

"And what do we do from here?" I asked softly.

"Your going to finish your schooling, I'm gonna go on tour.. And marry Amber" he said in almost a whisper.

I started breathing heavier about to go into a panic attack. Was this kid serious!?!

"Ambers always been there. I'm not going to hurt her. She has never hurt me. With Amber its a smooth ride, with you its an upside down rollarcoaster, you're decided then you're not, I really can't take this anymore. Do me a favor and just step out of my life for good" John said a little roughly as he then proceeded to step around me exiting the room leaving me there looking dumbfounded.

***

I sat outside on the swinging chair type thing on the patio lost in thought. All the way back to square one. I closed my eyes letting the light breeze blow across my face causing me to feel even more at ease. I love John. To much. How and why did I ever let this happen!? I thought back to our first bowling date and how everyone had intruded. I missed the good old days. I missed everyone. I missed life being so stress free.

"Aubs" he said softly

"John" I said just as softly my eyes still closed

"I ended it with Amber" he said his voice still soft.

I opened my eyes slowly and looked at him sitting next to me, looking down at his hands as he had them rested gracefully in his lap.

"Aren't you destined to marry her or something?" I asked a little bitterly.

John turned his head to look at me as he rolled his eyes.

"If anything, I'm destined to be with you"

"So corny" I said with a little laugh

"But completely true" he smiled back " I'm sorry for reacting the way I did, if anything, us going through everything only proves we can make it through anything" he said taking my hand and lacing our fingers.

"You're right" I smiled " and now do I wanna know how Amber took things?"

"No, I don't think so. It involved some throwing of some objects" he chuckled.

I shook my head playfully and then rested my head on his shoulder looking at out intertwined fingers.

I then moved my head and planted a soft kiss on his neck.

He smiled as he leaned down and kissed me. I smiled into the kiss. He then added a little roughness into the kiss and I matched it.

"Shall we take this upstairs?" He chuckled as he pulled away to get those few words out and then re attached his lips to mine. I simply nodded knowing he wanted me just as badly as I wanted him.

****
"I miss you so much Aubs" John said into my phone with so much passion it hurt me a little. I missed him.

Its been three months since I've been back home, three months since I'd last seen John, and it was gonna be even longer then that since he was starting his tour soon.

But on an even brighter note, we were still happily together. We were making this long distance thing work. As hard as it was, we were making it.

"I miss you too. Classes are boring" I whined. I decided to go to a university only a half hour away from home so I could commute.

John laughed lightly "you'll be okay"

"I miss my fiancé" I whined. Yes, we were engaged. It was going to be a long engagement as well. We weren't going to settle down till my schooling was all done, or even half way done. "I wish I was going on tour with you"

"I wish you were too, but I promise to talk to you everyday and as soon as this tour is over, ill come see you and we'll make the days magical" he chuckled and I laughed

"I love you" I said not being able to wipe the smile off my face.

"And I love you, my future wife" and I could tell he was smiling also " but I gotta go pack, wish you were here to help" he said whining now.

I laughed "well ill let you get to that, love you, have fun, night!"

"Love you too baby cakes. Sweet dreams" he said and I hung up falling back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling as I still gripped my phone in my hands.

Everything was perfect. Just perfect. I was still with John, we're as happy as ever, even with the whole distance thing, out parents are happy with our plans, and every things just perfect.

Except for.. Wait a minute.. There's a baby growing inside me that my perfect fiancé doesn't know about, nor will.

I couldn't muster up the courage to tell him. He was so happy about tour. And I know if he found out he drop everything in a heartbeat and fly out here. Or what if he takes it bad and brakes up with me? No one knows. I mean maybe I'm not. All four tests I took could have been faulty... Unlikely

Let's see how long I can keep this secret.