You Had Me Wishing We Were Something

I sighed as I looked down. "Bye John," I said simply and ended the call.

We aren't getting married. We never will. I just have to face the facts. Nothing is right between us. And besides. Hes getting married to Amber. In a strange way, I really was serious about attending their wedding. I'm the type of person who likes to come face to face with something they're missing out on.

~~

"Are you planning on like leaving this room? For like class or anything. Like I'm pretty sure you like haven't gotten off your bed for like almost two days."Kelsey said stating the obvious. I just rolled my eyes as I didn't even remove my gaze from my laptop screen to her.

"And you like say like, like, so many times. Are you like sure you like don't have to like be some where right now?" I asked a little roughly, but whatever. The past few days all she has been is annoying. Nag nag nag.

She didn't say anything after that. Just walked out of the room. Well. I think I'm just not cut out to have any girls as friends.

I picked up my phone and clicked on my mom and waited patiently as the phone rang.

"Hello sweetheart."My mom said picking up after the third ring.

"Have we scheduled my flight home yet?"I whined a little.

"Well. Yes. But its not for another week. About."She answered lightly.She hated the fact I was giving up already. She thought I was giving up my future. But I told her I was still gonna go to college. Just not this one.

"Why that long? What am I supposed to do here?" I whined again

"Well me and your father are out of town for his business and wont be home and cant get you from the airport and I'm not trusting any other form of transportation, and your dorm is already paid for so just use it" And now she sounded annoyed.

"Fine. Whatever.Just call me when I can pick up or get my ticket or whatever,"I said closing my laptop.

"Okay, well I have to go, bye honey"

"Bye"I said bluntly and hung up.

What to do? What to do?

I groaned and layed back on my bed. Absolutely nothing.

A few minutes later my phone rang.

I looked at the caller ID and realized it was Mrs.O'Callaghan. I smiled and answered.

"Hey Cindy, whats up?" I asked as I sat up

"I just talked to your mom and apparently you're really bored"She chuckled "So I was wondering if you wanted to come over and maybe help me with dinner? Just hang out together?"She laughed. Aw I love her.

I thought about it for a second. What if John was there. Fuck it. Doesn't matter.

"I would love to"I smiled

"Ill come get you" She said very eager.

"Okay" I laughed.

~~
"I love tacos. One of my favorites" I laughed as I mixed the ground beef in the pot as Cindy cut the lettuce.

"I love girls day" She laughed. She was deff my second mother.

I agreed with her and then kept mixing.

John wasn't home. No one was. It was just us. Shane was at his friends, and Mr.O'Callaghan was at work. It was a girls day. Something I really needed. Even though it was with the boy I happened to be in love with's mother.

I went to the fridge and crabbed the block of cheese.

"Wheres the grader?" I asked as I put the cheese on the island.

"Drawer left of the sink. You should know that" She chuckled.

"Forgot"I laughed as I grabbed the grader and a plate

"I missed having you around. I wish I had a daughter"She smiled at me.

"You will"I said under my breath thinking she didn't hear me, but she did.

"Whats that mean?" She lightly laughed.

"Well, Johns marrying Amber, so you'll have a daughter in law."I said like it didn't effect me at all.

She gave me a smile. "Do you want to talk about it sweety?"

"No. Not at all" I said in honesty.

"Okay" She said knowing how much it really effected me. I knew she could just tell from the light smile she gave me. Knowing it did hurt.

"So you're going back in about a week?" She said quickly switching the subject.

"Yeah. I just don't like the school"I lied avoiding the John subject.

"Why don't you stay here then?" She asked "I insist"

"I cant do that"I laughed as I began shredding the cheese

"Sure you can! I love you living here, as you well know. You could stay forever if you wished." She laughed " I already consider you family darling"

I gave her a light smile. "Cindy, I just cant"I said quietly.

"Johns never here" She said knowing. "Do it for me? Shane misses you terribly too. I really don't like putting you in this situation. But I spoke to your mother and she tells me you're miserable. I don't like to here that. And besides, here, you're closer to all you're friends, like Mr.Santino" She chuckled.

Aw I forgot about Nick. I miss that kid. Se had a point there. My college was out in the middle of no where. Well not really, but no where close to here.

"If its truly your last week here, I would love it if you spent it here." She said warmly.

I stared at the cheese as I stopped grading. I didn't want to hurt her. I loved her. "Okay"I said giving her a smile and she pretty much jumped with joy.

~~

I took myself up the stairs to my old room as Cindy set the table, insisting she didn't need my help.

As I entered a smile crossed my face taking in the room. I did miss this. I walked in and just looked around. It was back to the guest room, obviously. But it was still my room, I considered.

I walked into the bathroom looking into the mirror running my fingers through my hair, brushing it. I looked to the left and saw Johns door. The one that led into his bedroom.

I couldn't resist. I pushed the door open and walked in.

Looked exactly as I remembered.

I walked over to his guitar as it was placed on its stand and picked it up.

A single tear escaped as I thought back to all the times John sang to me or I randomly caught him playing so beautifully. Not aware that I was watching.

I missed how things used to be. Of course I had to ruin everything. Everything was my fault. I finally came to the conclusion.

"Aubs" I heard softly scaring me half to death as I almost dropped the guitar but thankfully didn't. I looked back over my shoulder and saw John standing in the doorway to his room rubbing the back of his neck looking a little confused.

I put the guitar back to where it belonged and stuttered a " I'm sorry" and tried to rush out of his room the way I came in, through the bathroom so I didn't have to walk by him.

"Stop," He said stepping directly in my path.

"This is your room, I shouldn't be in here, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here" I said pretty fast wondering if he caught it.

"Its fine"He said lightly.

I looked down so I didn't have to look at his face.

Before I could even comprehend what happened, John had his arms securely around me, engulfing me in a tight hug, hugging as close as he could get me.

It took me a split second to hug him back and right then, I started crying. Sobbing into his chest.

"I miss your touch" he said softly.

"I -I- miss you"I stuttered looking up at him. "I miss you ignoring me, I miss you driving me crazy, I miss you confusing the hell out me-" And then he cut me off by putting his index finger to my lips telling me to quiet.

"You're doing this to yourself. And effecting everyone with the decisions you're making" He said in all honesty. "In reality, and I know you know this. If you really wanted me, you could have me. Aubs. I pretty much throw myself at you" He chuckled. but it was a I'm pathetic chuckle. "You're playing a game all by yourself" He said softly.

I let go of him and he let go of me and I took a step back wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Yeah a game I cant seem to win" I said shaking my head.

He just sighed.

~~

"Aubs, we're gonna stay up all night playing video games!"Shane said as he shoved his taco into his mouth.

"I don't think I'm spending the night bud" I laughed as I watched him.

"Nonsense. Of course you are."Mr.O'Callaghan said as he made another taco.

"Yeah sweety. Its kind of late already as it is, and you always have a place here" Cindy smiled.

"Thanks guys" I said grateful for this family.

"Call Of Duty all night!" Shane chimed in. I just laughed and playfully shook my head. I glanced over at John and he didn't even look up just ate in silence. Like he has been doing.

~~

It was around two o'clock when Shane let me go to bed. I loved the kid, but he didn't know the meaning of I'm tired.

I walked up the stairs and into my old bedroom. It felt so nice to be in the house again.

I walked into the room to see a new toothbrush and a brush and toothpaste on the dresser. I smiled. Cindy would make sure I had a toothbrush. She loved hygiene.

I grabbed the toothpaste and toothbrush and walked into the bathroom turning on the light.

I walked over to the sink and started brushing my teeth.

When I finished I realized that Johns door was open a tad and I felt a little bad seeing the light seep in hoping he didn't wake or see it or anything.

I couldn't resist but to peek in. It was completely dark but I could see his body form and that's it.

I walked in, not really knowing where my feet were leading me. I was letting my heart do the walking.

I climbed into bed with him and I immediately saw a smile start to form on his face as he wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me closer " I was hoping this would happen" His voice cracked as he was still asleep, his eyes closed and all.

"John" I said quietly.

"Mm" He said as he nuzzled his head into my neck.

"Ill marry you" I said letting my heart do the talking for me too.