You Had Me Wishing We Were Something

I woke up the next morning alone. I wasn't surprised. Half of me knew he wouldn't be there when I woke. But the other half was praying he would still be there, sleeping soundly.

I slid my hand across the sheets where John layed making sure he really wasn't there. Hoping I was seeing things and he was still laying there. No such luck.

I swung the sheets fully off me and climbed out of bed. I was biting on my lower lip. I was quivering which was odd. I felt used.

I walked into mine and Johns bathroom and turned the shower water on. I felt the water to make sure it was at the right temperature and then considering I was already naked, hopped in the shower.

I don't regret what happened last night. I mean I thought it was magical, even if John only thought of it as a simple fuck. I don't wish it never happened.

I could tell John has gotten around. Well not in the whore sense. But hes very experienced lets say. He knew exactly what to do that felt amazing. The best Ive ever had....

And no, I wasn't a virgin. Just because I am a good girl or whatever, doesn't mean Ive never been with a guy. Ive been told I'm an amazing kisser.

But John, hes perfect. And not just because he is wonderful in bed, but because even though hes a complete jerk to me, I still want him more then ever. What has he done to me?

I didn't want to be a one night stand though. I was hoping as soon as our lips locked for the first time, I wouldn't be. I was hoping he really did feel something towards me and did it because he wanted to be with me. Not just fuck me and leave.

I was a hit it and quit it

As soon as I thought that, A fuck and chuck, I started sobbing. I wanted to cry badly, so I did.

~~

I actually explored the town that weekend. I walked around finding places on my own. I needed to clear my head.

I wanted to be away from John. I actually really wanted to be away from him. Not even sad when I wasn't in his presence. I was pissed at him.

John didn't come home at all that day after we did it. And then when he did, he just said a simple hey to me and then kept eating his brownie. I wanted to cry as soon as he looked away from me and started eating his brownie that he payed more attention to then me.

Thats all I get? A hey? Not even an excuse to why he left me in the morning? Not even a I'm sorry I fucked you, I was out of line and shouldn't have played with you like that?

He probably wanted to fuck, and was like 'hey Aubrey's a girl' He probably knew I would do anything he wanted.

It was Sunday afternoon and I was over being sad. I was looking for a decent coffee shop. I all of a sudden was craving coffee. I feel coffee helps me solve my problems for some reason. It just pissed me off that its been two days and us sleeping together was completely forgotten. Obviously John used me. Maybe I wasnt good? Maybe thats why he doesn't want me.

UGH FUCK ALL THIS. I screamed in my head. Well so I thought.

"Aubrey? You okay?"Someone said as I was standing in line waiting to order my coffee at some little coffee shop.

"No, I'm fucking not"I said as I spun around, not even knowing who I was talking too."Oh, hey Eric"I said with a sigh

"Whats going on?And fuck what?"He chuckled lightly.

"Every things just UGH"I said with a little scream.

"I promise whatever is going wrong, will turn out great in the end"He smiled.

Not Likely, Johns an asshole.

"What are you doing here? It cant because you knew I would break down and need some encouraging words"I smiled with a little laugh and looked down and then back up at him.

"Well that"He smiled"And this place has the best coffee"

"Oh good. Ive been searching for some decent coffee"

"Well you've found it"He smiled and then walked past me "Two coffees"He ordered and then asked me how I wanted mine

"So lets chat for a bit"he said turning back to face me with a cute smile.

"Sure"I laughed "Thanks Eric"

"For what?"

"Making me laugh. I needed it. Ive just been feeling like I want to cry lately"

"Sure thing. But can I ask about what?"

"I don't really feel like talking about it"I mumbled.

"Ands that fine with me"

"Thank you"I smiled.

"Heres your coffees, and thats $4.25"The lady behind the counter said. I started digging in my purse and then I heard the lady go "And .75 cents is your change"

"Eric, I could have payed"

"But I wanted to"he said as he handed me my coffee

"Here let me give you the money"

"Not necessary, lets find a table"

"You sure?"I asked feeling weird that he payed, but it made me smile.

"Positive"He chuckled and then indicated I sit down at a table.

I smiled and sat.

"So I hear there's a dance this week at your school, you going?"

"You heard?"I asked as I blew on my hot coffee to cool it

"I know people that go there"He smiled as he sipped his coffee

"Oh okay"I laughed"But no, I'm not going"

"Why not?"He asked placing his cup of coffee on the table.

"I don't have a date"I shrugged

"I'd love to be your date"He chuckled.

I just smiled"I really like you. Its nice meeting nice guys"

"Well thank you"He smiled"But seriously, I would love to take you"

"Really?"I asked not sure if he was kidding.

"If you would want me too. I mean I don't want you to feel forced to go with me"He chuckled.

"You would really go to a high school dance for me?"I asked smiling as I sipped my coffee

"Of course. If you promise to not have any more minor breakdowns"

"Okay then"I laughed. I mean he wasn't John, but oh come on, like John would take me. He doesn't even want to look at me.

"So how is it living in a house with only Johno?"Eric laughed

"Great. Hes never home"I said and continued to drink my coffee.

"Its funny how defensive he gets with you"Eric said with a chuckle.

"What you mean?"I asked as soon as I swallowed some coffee.

"Whenever I say your name, he flips the fuck out. Hes like 'why are you talking about her? Stop talking about her. You don't know her.' And I mean all I say is Hows Aubrey."

"He confuses me I guess"I shrugged"Such a jerk"

"See thats the thing. Johns not a mean guy. Everyone loves him. He never gets mad. I mean he only gets mad when I say your name. So sometimes ill just randomly say your name to watch him flip.I don't see him so defensive like ever, so its fun to watch. I usually end up laughing"

"Well I don't like how he acts differently to me then everyone else. Why cant he just be nice? I mean some of the things he says to me are so asshole like."

"Maybe he likes you"Eric said in that voice like when your in 5th grade and your bragging to one of your friends.

I couldn't help but laugh "I'm sorry, but when you like someone don't you want to strike up conversation, not ignore them and act like they don't exist?"

"Yeah but Johns never acted this way to a girl before"

"Maybe he just hates me. Whatever, I'm over it"Such a lie.

"He causes half your grief doesn't he?"Eric chuckled

"You have no idea"I said as I looked down at my coffee cup. I was no way in hell telling Eric I slept with him. And by the looks of it,John hadn't told him either. I mean, Eric was his best friend, so maybe if he didn't tell him, he didn't tell anybody. Hopefully. I would feel embarrassed about how easily I gave it up.

Eric just laughed "Well I'm going to go, I have school in the AM" I said as I got up

"Do you need a ride or something?"Eric asked

"Nah, I'm fine thanks"I smiled

"Anytime Aubs, So ill pick you up at 7 on Friday?"

"7 it is"I smiled.
~~

I got home to an empty house. Shocker. I walked up to my room and just stopped in the doorway and stared at my bed. The more I though about what we did. I was ashamed.

And taking the fact he just fucked me and forgot about me, made me feel even lower.

But the saddest thing of all was that I loved it, and I loved him.