Love the One You're With

This is the dress I would wear if I were marrying Zach.

Tears started rolling down my cheeks as I looked up to notice a pair of eyes watching me. They were also filled with tears. These eyes didn't belong to Sidney or the blond woman, they were Zach's eyes.

I turned to face him, as I wasn’t quite sure he was real, perhaps just my imagination. I caught him just in time to see him wipe the tears from the corner of his eyes. “Zach, what are you doing here?” I asked.

The blond woman who followed Zach back in was startled at our reaction to each other. “Oh dear, you shouldn’t see your fiancé in her dress before the wedding.”

Zach didn’t say anything, just kept his eyes locked on mine.

“He’s not my fiancé. He can stay.” I said softly.

The sales girl sensed the uneasiness between us and immediately left the room. I couldn’t keep looking at Zach or I’d never stop crying. I turned back toward the mirror, and could still see him over my shoulder. “Isn’t it beautiful?” I whispered.

“The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he whispered back. He took a couple of steps forward and there it was...my snapshot only in real life. I was wearing the perfect wedding dress standing beside the man of my dreams. The tears came again. Zach put his hands on my face and wiped my tears with his thumbs. He kept my face in his hand and whispered, “You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Wow, look at you two sharing a moment.” Sid teased from the doorway.

Zach turned quickly toward the wall, and I knew he was wiping the tears from his own eyes now. He felt it too, I knew he did.

I shook off my remaining tears and told the boys to step out while I changed. I was alone in the room now so I took one last look at myself in this dress. This was the perfect dress, just not for me to marry Joe. I’d never be able to wear this without thinking of Zach. I slipped off that dress and slipped on the one remaining dress. It was white, long and flowy. It had no beading except for a rinestone rosette that hit right at the bottom of the low cut neckline. This was a pretty dress. It looked good on me, even a little sexy without being over the top. The best thing about it was that there was no way I’d think of Zach when I wore it, no this was not a dress I would wear to marry Zach Parise. I called the boys back in and the sales girl came too.

“Well what do you think?” I asked, but was met with a bunch of blank faces. Even the sales girl didn’t comment.

“I like the last one.” Sidney finally said.

The sales girl chimed in. “Oh the last one looked so beautiful on you. It looked like it was made for you.”

“I..I..I think this one is beautiful too.” I said, knowing full well there was no way I could wear the other dress. “I actually think this one might be the one.”

“What do you think Zach?” Sid asked.

Zach was keeping to himself leaning back against the wall. “I agree with Phoebe. This is the right dress for this wedding.” He turned and walked out of the room.

“It’s settled then. This is the one.” I turned to face the sales girl and talk about alterations, while Sid left to join Zach. I decided I didn't want a veil, just this simple white dress. The only alteration needed was at the hem line.

The sales girl looked at me sympathetically and then looked at the champaign colored dress. "Are you sure miss?" She asked scooping it up.

"I have to be." I replied, knowing full well she wouldn't understand what that meant.

I took the white dress off and placed it on the hanger. I stood back and looked at the dress I had chosen to wear when I marry Joe in three months. I made a sigh and went to meet the guys.

Outside the Dressing Room:
"What's wrong with you man?" Sidney asked.

"What the hell do you think is wrong with me? She's marrying some other guy. She doesn't want to. Did you see the dress she chose?"

"Yeah, what was that all about?" Sid asked.

"I don't know, but she should be wearing that dress when she gets married." Zach said pointing to the champaign colored dress the sales woman just brought out of the dressing room.

"She should be marrying someone she loves. What are you going to do about that?"

"I'm working on it Sid."

"Here she comes." Sid said.

I walked over to the guys, feeling relieved that this task was behind me. "Well that's done." I said smiling at the guys. "Zach how'd you get here so early?"

"Practice got over earlier than I expected so I caught an earlier flight."

"Well I hate to break up this threesome, but I have a date." Sidney said with a huge smile on his face.

"Ooo really with who?" I asked

"Some girl Jordan knows. She's hot I guess."

"Well if she's a friend of Jordan's I guess we shouldn't expect you home tonight." I teased.

"I'm hoping." Sid said raising his eyebrows. "Now you two crazy kids behave yourself." Sid said.

"Don't worry." I said, but Zach wrapped his arm around me and raised his eyebrows.

"That's what I'm talking about." Sid said and high fived Zach.

I ignored them and went to the counter to pay for my dress. On our way out my eyes drifted back to the champaign colored dress. I felt it calling to me; telling me I was making a huge mistake. My eyes went to Zach who was also staring at the dress. Soon his eyes drifted from the dress to me. He gave me a crooked smile, and said. "Let's get out of here Pheebs."

Zach walked out right behind me. I didn't notice him slipping a business card into his pocket. His hand went around my shoulder. I smiled up at him. As much as I fought it and as determined as I was to marry Joe, having Zach with me felt so right. Despite the heartbreak I felt every time I looked at him, I was glad he was here with me.

I took Zach to dinner my treat. We had the best time. We sat in a round booth so we sat beside each other. We talked, not about the pending wedding, not about our break-up, but about old times, happier times. We laughed about old stories and reminded each other about old anecdotes. We walked to the car hand in hand and headed home to Sid's.

I showered and put on my Pittsburgh Penguins PJs. Zach was waiting for me in my room when I came out of the bathroom. Somehow I knew he'd be there. "What's with the Penguins Pajamas?" he asked teasing me.

"Hey, my best friend plays for the team. Plus the other guys are pretty cool."

"You and Sidney, you guys are really tight huh?"

"Ya, I guess so. I think he needs a friend that isn't on the team. Plus he's such a superstar in Pittsburgh, it's not like he can just make friends."

"I'm glad he's been there for you." He paused for a moment. "You and Sid, you never ..."

I giggled, "What? Got together?" He shook his head. "No Zach."

"Why?" He asked seeming genuinely interested.

I was still giggling. The idea just seemed funny. "I don't know. I think for me Sid was always part of our threesome from high school. I think for him I'll always belong to you."

Zach looked at the floor and the room grew quiet until Zach spoke again. "I guess I get to meet lover boy tomorrow huh?"

"You don't have to. In fact, I'd be happy to call and cancel." I pulled out my cell phone and held it up. I really didn't want him to spend time with Joe. I was so afraid what them getting to know each other would do to both my relationship with Joe and my relationship with Zach.

"Oh no. If you insist on marrying him, then I insist that he and I become friends." I just rolled my eyes. "Hey Pheebs. I'm sleeping in here with you."

"Why aren't I surprised." I said winking at him. I didn't argue. "Hey set the alarm will you? I don't want a scene like last time."

I crawled into bed and closed my eyes waiting for Zach to set the alarm. I knew with every ounce of my being that I should not let Zach sleep with me, but I also knew that I really wanted to be that close to him. When we slept with our arms around each other, we were so close. That was the only time it truly felt like old times. The only time when I didn't feel the break in my heart.

Zach closed the door, shut off the light and crawled into bed. His arms went around me pulling me into him. Our bodies fit together like two puzzle pieces. I didn't waste time reminding myself how wrong it was to be sleeping in the same bed as Zach. I just let myself enjoy it for a change.

Just as I was ready to fall asleep, Zach spoke. "Hey Pheobe."

"Ya" I said groggily.

"Why didn't you buy the champaign wedding dress?"

"That wasn't the right dress for me to wear to marry Joe." I said softly.

"That's what I thought." Zach replied. He kissed me lightly on the forehead, and we both fell asleep.

****

I woke up before the alarm went off. I smiled looking at Zach's beautiful face. He was sleeping so soundly, and I didn't want to wake him, so I just stayed snuggled against him. So many times I woke up in Zach's arms. It hurt so bad to think that in three months I'd never sleep wrapped in his arms again. I tried to push that thought out of my mind and one specific memory popped into it.

We Were Seventeen
It was the day of our senior prom. Zach couldn't go because he had a playoff game in St. Paul. I met him there with a group of my friends who were also not going to Prom because their boyfriends were on the hockey team. This would be Zach's last game of the season. If they won, they were the league champs if they lost, they settled for the division title. Zach had an amazing game scoring two goals and earning on assist on a beautiful pass to Sid, who scored. They ended their season with a win.

I waited for the guys after the game outside the locker room with the other girlfriends. Sid came out and told me to wait for Zach. I waited and waited and waited. All the guys came out and headed to the after party at the local hotel. I was sure everyone else was gone, I started to worry that Zach had forgotten about me. I pulled out my cell and was ready to call him, when the locker room door opened. Zach was standing there with a huge smile. I'd seen his smile thousands of times, but it still melted me.

Zach was showered and changed, but was wearing his skates. He took my hand and led me into the locker room. "I'm sorry you missed prom." he said, and pulled me into a romantic kiss. He reached into his bag and pulled out a corsage made of roses and slid it on my wrist. "Zach." I whispered. Zach reached down into his bag and pulled out my skates. "what are you doing?"

"Sit." he said, and I listened. He slid my shoes off, put my skates on and laced them up. We stood up, and he gave me another kiss that made my knees go weak. Then he lead me out to the ice. As we walked out music came on, the lights went down and the disco ball sprayed rays of light in various colors all over the ice. I looked up and saw Sid working the lights and music. I waved and smiled.

"Wanna dance?" Zach asked giving me his hand. I nodded and he took my hand in his. It was such a romantic moment as we slow danced on the ice. Zach twirled me then pulled me in so there was no space between us. We stopped moving and his lips came down to mine. I don't know how long we were kissing but the song changed and Zach pulled away.

"Thanks Zach this is amazing." I didn't know it was possible but this night made me even love Zach more.

"Anything for you beautiful," he said. We started moving again, but stayed really close to each other. Zach was skating backward and looking down into my eyes. "Pheebs. Sidney said he'd stay in another room tonight, if you'll stay with me." I looked up at him knowing that he was talking about taking our relationship to the next level. "I don't want to push you. I just thought.."

I pressed my finger to his lips. "Yes. I want to spend the night with you."

"You're sure your ready?" he asked. Zach had been ready to sleep together for months, maybe years. We had gotten close, so close, but I always stopped. I knew I wanted to make love with Zach, but I was so nervous.

"I am. I want this too. I do." Zach gave me that smile, and my body filled with butterflies. I was never nervous around Zach, but knowing what we were going to do, made me very nervous.

I'd love to say our first time was amazing, but it was more awkward. (Don't worry, we practiced... a lot... and got much better at it.)

The next morning I laid in Zach's arms very much like I was now. I just looked at him and watched him sleep. I was so in love. We were so happy.

Now looking at him made me sad. I was this close to the one thing that could make me happy, really happy and all I could feel was sad, utterly sad. Something took hold of me at that moment maybe it was the memory of being with Zach and how happy we were, or maybe it was the way remembering that made me so utterly sad, but I leaned up and kissed Zach softly on the lips.

Zach's eyes opened, and he looked confused. "Did you just kiss me?" he asked.

"No."

"Yes you did, didn't you?" he asked questioning himself.

"Ok, I did."

"Wanna do it again?" he asked smiling.

Oh yes I did. I wanted that so much. "That's probably not a good idea."

"Well why did you kiss me if you didn't think it was a good idea?"

My cheeks turned red, I didn't know what to say. "Impulse I guess."

"You can wake me up like that way anytime Pheebs." He pulled me in tighter to him. "You better get a handle on those impulses of yours though. We wouldn't want you grabbing my leg under the table at lunch with lover boy, now would we?"

We both laughed and laid in bed holding each other awhile longer.