Speak of the Devil

Monte bustled me home to cook an extra-special dinner. The rain had calmed down to a mere shower, which was a hell of a lot easier to drive in than the mess we were driving in before. Monte aided me with the groceries, since we had bags and bags full of chips and lamb and the ingredients for gyros. I was pretty confident that I purchased all the factors for the meal, but the fact of the matter is that I have never cooked gyros before. Not for me or for anyone else. I was dead meat tonight.

Monte parked the car that we had made love in in the driveway and ticked the button to open the trunk open. We scooped up all the troublesome bags out of the trunk and hefted them up the porch steps, through the front door, and into my kitchen.

“Good grief, that was heavy.” I caught my breath and plopped myself down at the kitchen table.
“Here let me get the rest. It’s best that you rest as much as possible.”
“If you insist…I’ll start dinner.” I sighed and tore open a bag of chips that had fallen out of a plastic bag and onto the table. I crunched on handfuls of chips as Monte labored ample bags stuffed with fattening foods. I brushed my hands together and swept off the salt from the corners of my lips. I rubbed my hands on my shirt. I frisked around for the bag with the lamb in it.

“Where’s the lamb?!” I asked in a panic as I scrambled through all the bags, not finding a fat package of lamb in any of them. I broke a sweat and my hands shook uncontrollably.
“What’s wrong?” Monte solicited as he walked into the kitchen with the remainder of the bags. He gingerly allocated the groceries down on the crowded table and drifted behind me. He hugged my shaking body from behind and twisted me around to face him. “What’s wrong?”

“Where’s the lamb?? Where’s that perfect, priceless, meaty piece of…meat that I bought with the blood and guts leakin’ out??” I questioned as I broke free of his hug and dug my hand back into the bag of chips.

“I’m absolutely sure it’s in one of these bags, Carly, I swear. I saw the geeky cashier dude with the glasses and the zits and everything put it in a bag.”
“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he responded automatically as he pushed the bag of chips to the side and sat himself down at the table. “I know he did.” He held my salty hands in his and pulled me over to him and laid a loving kiss on my lips. “All better?” He asked, licking his lips. “Salty though.”
“Yeah, that tasted good but I need to find that freaking lamb.”

“I’ll help you look for it.” We both began disarranging all of the groceries until Monte revealed the bleeding red package out of the bag with his muscular hand. “Found it.”
“Oh, you’re a life saver, Monte.” I stole the lamb away from his now blood-covered hands. “But I’m gonna need you to get out sugar.” I specified as I cautiously quartered the lamb down on the table and began pushing Monte out of the kitchen door.
“Sugar?” he slightly turned his head and smirked slyly.

“I’ve got some cooking to do.”
“Yes sir. I mean ma’am! Ugh! I mean madam!” he boomed.
“Get out of my kitchen!” I snapped as I gave him one last shove out of the door. “Ok…Now that he’s gone…I can get cooking!” I stumbled over to the cabinet where I held all my family’s recipes. The top shelf was occupied by my box of recipes and family secrets. It wasn’t going to be easy to retrieve the box. I stretched up on my tippy-toes and felt my shirt riding up my back and my muscles tightening. My spine shivered with goose bumps and I was inches away from the box. Behind me, I heard the kitchen door squeak open.

“Damn…” I heard someone purr. From the corner of my eye I witnessed Monte at the kitchen door eyeing me with interested eyes. That pervert.
“Monte, I see you, either help me or get out of here.” There was no return. “Monte! I see you, so stop trying to hide!” A moment after I called for him, he came waltzing in like he wasn’t just sitting at the door keeping an eye on my body.

“You need somethin’ hon?” he clapped his hands together. “Let the man handle it.”
“Oh, yeah, the ‘Man’ can do anything he wants around here, just cause he knocked a girl up.”
“Hey, I’m sorry you got frisky off a few drinks pretty easily.”

“And what? You didn’t get hammered within the first couple rounds of drinks?”
“I never said I didn’t.”
“If you knew that than why’d you want to get drunk in the first place?”
“I didn’t plan on getting drunk that night, but you just coincidentally were at the bar and the bar is where you get drinks and get drunk.”
“And meet people to have sex with.”

“That’s not the point. But what do you need help with? You look like you’re in pain.”
“Yeah I sure am in pain, I’ve been reaching up for this stupid box of recipes which I can’t manage to get a hold of, and meanwhile you’re getting a good look of my body from ten feet away.”
“Ok, well I’m sorry if I’m hangin’ around such a pretty girl. Can’t help myself.”
“Aw, thanks. You can probably get yourself out of anything with that cute little face of yours and the compliments and everything.” I gave up on reaching the box and propped myself up on the kitchen counter. Monte hesitantly stepped up in front of me, his hips perpendicular to mine.

“Like I said…I can’t really help myself keep away from you.”
“I really can’t keep away from you either.” I gurgled. Monte snaked his arm behind my back and pulled me into a smooth kiss. I yanked away from him. “I have to cook.” I started, “I don’t know why I just tend to be so…lustful lately. I think it’s my pregnancy.”
“I think your pregnancy makes me kinda lustful too. I’m sorry.”

“Thanks. It’s just me, I think.”
“I don’t mind an occasional kiss or two.”
“Haha, me too…Oh! If you could just reach that box up there on the top shelf…” I pointed up in the cabinet. Monte sprawled out and pulled the box out further and further with his finger until it was at the edge. I gasped and squeezed my eyes shut. I reluctantly opened them to see a grey metal box in Monte’s hand.

“Thanks.” I grinned.
“You’re very welcome.”
“Ah, my recipes.” I pressed the little box up to my chest and kissed the dusty lid. My eyes went wide as dust blew down my throat. I raised my hand out, desperate for a breath. I coughed and choked up all the dust out. Monte patted my back and held my quivering hand. My eyes drowned in tears that filled up. I gapped for a breath of fresh air until Monte gave up and dove into the refrigerator.

“Here.” He cracked the cap of the bottle and poured it into my mouth. I swallowed slow and hard, and it was nearly impossible to breath. I slammed the box down on the counter and helped myself to the water.

“You are a real life saver.” I fluttered my eyelashes and smiled pleasantly.
“Any time little lady. Now that the man’s work is done here, I think he shall go watch Spongebob!” he affectionately hugged me and pecked a kiss on my cheek and bolted out of the kitchen door faster than a bat out of Hell. I rolled my eyes and laughed. I needed to get this lamb cooked up and on the table. Monte was waiting. I flipped through recipe after recipe until I found “Lamb Gyro” poking out of all the other papers that had been jammed inside. The papers were tightly packed inside and it was hard to fit my hand in just to take one piece out. After all this time being home, I still hadn’t even opened the plastic off the lamb. If only Emeril were here. But this had to be all me, and I couldn’t screw this up, cause I got eight more months and a week left.