Somewhere We Went Wrong

Manda couldn’t go out with me tonight so I went solo. It was Friday night and I wasn’t going to stay in the house watching Lifetime movies. Yeah, maybe another time. I was dressed up and not about to let something like Miranda get in my way of a good time tonight.

With a bidding call upstairs, I leave my house into the comfortable night and into my brand spankin’ new BMW. I revved it before turning on The Millionaires on and speeding down the street.

I already decided I’d keep it light tonight in partying. Coke and rum is the worst I’d do. Promises, promises.

The Millionaires weren’t really the singing type but their crap helped you feel light and fun like just yelling ‘Fuck!’ so people could stare at you like you were crazy and you’d just laugh. Weightless. Quickly, I put in my All Time Low cd.

‘Manage me, I’m a mess’

Story of my life, right?

I sang along to each song, bouncing in my seat. Then I heard it. The song I knew was there wating. And I knew even though it brought up some memories, I wouldn’t turn it off.

I admit I miss seein’ your face babe,

I let my voice pick up in volume as I practically yelled out the lyrics, managing to still stay in tune. My rolled up windows caged me in with my own voice syncing with the music. I was surrounded in what was soley me and my thoughts. Thoughts of Nick. Thoughts of us.



I need to find a reason to feel
Like everything was meant to be let go
Take it slow
'Cause I can't be on my own

Almost in tears, I noticed I had gotten to the club and took few minutes before I got out of the car, pasting on a smile. No evidence of a falling girl here.

&Somewhere

“Go! Go! Go! Go!” The crowd cheered as me and another girl went at it in a drinking contest. Who could down the four Martinis quickest. I beat her by six seconds.

By this time, I was a bubbly, giggly mess. I rocked uneasily on my cage heels while I went to the other side of the bar to talk to Tommy, my favourite bartender.

“Tommmyyyy” I sang, “Can I see my purse puhh-leeeasssee?”

He looked at me and shook his head. “I think it’s time for you to go home, K.B.”

I gasped, “No! I’m having fun.” My voice lowered to a whisper as I pointed. “That guy over there says he wants to show me a good time”

I giggled while he went into the cabinet for my purse and pulled out my phone. While he dialed someone’s number, I stole the drink sitting beside me, drinking it greedily.

“He wants to talk to you,” Tommy shoved the phone at me.

“Is it my Joey bear?!”

“Yes, Kylie.” I hurried to take the phone, dropping it multiple times before getting it to my ear.

“Joey! I love you!” I cooed loudly.

“Kylie? Kylie, are you okay?”

“Joey it soloud in here. Hey quiet down!” I yelled behind me at the many people inside the building, like it’d actually matter. Well, at this point, I was convinced it would.

“Ky, I’m going to pick you up.”

“No you don’t have to! Bobby said he let me have a ride on his disco stick! Oh I wanna go home on that! Doesn’t it sound awesome?!”

“I’m on my way!” He practically yelled. I’m pretty sure he kept saying something but I’d dropped the phone behind the bar.

“Woops.” My hand went over my mouth as I laughed some more.

“Kyle I think you should just sit until Joe comes. He wants you to sit down” Tommy advised but I immediately shook my head.

“Joe’s not the boss of me! I don’t have to listen to him!”

The song changed to Cobra Starship’s ‘Hot Mess’ and I started to dance. I climbed myself up onto the counter and danced, ignoring Tommy. People cheered for me as I shook my butt across the table top. I smiled, going low while they hooted and hollered. Seeing somebody who was amazingly hot, I invited him up to dance with me. When I heard someone call my name I ignored it. Until that said person took hold on my wrist. My eyes opened to see Joe.

“Joey!” I screamed, waving at him with my other hand.

“Time to leave, Ky.” He took me off the counter and threw me over his shoulder. I struggled but couldn’t get away. He managed to sit me in the passenger seat of his monster car and got to driving off.

“Hey, I want to drive my car!” I complained.

“You are not driving shit, Kyle Marie. Tommy is bringing it to our house” He said rudely. With a huff I sat in the seat and glared, which turned into giggles once again.

We got to his house and he carried me in his room.

“Stay here.” He wagged his finger.

“You aren’t the boss of me Joseph,” I retorted. With a roll of his eyes, he left me in the room. I got up and walked into the hall, hearing someone playing guitar. I opened the door across the hall and saw that the sound was coming from Nick. He looked up at me and his eyes widened.

“What are you playing?” There was a huge smile on my face as I stood in the doorway. I wasn’t really competent about me and Nick’s current relationship while I was drunk so him glaring at me was something that wasn’t going through my head. I felt like a child, so all these grown up problems between us meant nothing.

“What do you want, Kylie?” He asked harshly, which didn’t faze me.

“Well, like I said before, I wanna know what you were playing stupid.”

“Are you okay?” His eyebrow raised.

“Are you amazingly hot? Check yes!”

“Oh, God you’re drunk.” He came to realize, “Joe!” He called and within seconds Joe appeared. Nick shook his head as Joe carried me away.

“Snitch” I muttered as Joe dragged me out. Once we got to his room, he was very close to saying something before I ran straight back out in search of a toilet to launch vomit in.

“Oh fuck!” I gasped out, once I made it. My loopiness was murdered as I tensed everytime I upchucked and tears ran down my face. I was aware of Joe gripping my hair back in this disgusting state. This was the most intense vomit I’ve ever experienced.

When I finished I didn’t want to move, even with the smell of the acid right in my face as it sat grossly in the bowl.

“Let’s get up, Ky.” He beckoned, lifting my slumping body to the sink where I kept my toothbrush. He basically helped me to that too.

“Ky, we shouldn’t have to go through this,” He said once we were back in his room.

Sigh. My head hurt. I just threw up my insides and gallons of Tanqueray. I was so thankful that I got nothing on my clothes. Right now, it wasn’t the time for this.

“Yes, Joe. Of course. But the thing is, we are going through this. Maybe if things were different, we wouldn’t. But alas, they are not” I took a swig from the water bottle he gave me.

“Don’t you see, Ky?! Things aren’tdifferent. They’re all fucked up because that’s just the way it is now. We can’t change that so fucking up further doesn’t make it better.” He was raising his voice at me and that pissed me off. I wasn’t going to sit and be punished like a damn child.

“No Joe, it doesn’t! But it sure beats moping around in life living as shitty as I feel! I put on a fake face everyday! I don’t like my life!” I yelled back just as fierce. My guess was that everyone was gone besides me, Joe, and Nick since he was letting us argue at this volume.

“So fucking what, Kylie! You think I like wearing a fucking purity ring? Or I like having to pick your drunk ass up every night? Hell no! This is bullshit and it needs to stop.”

“Well if I’m such a fucking nuisance, stop worrying! Leave me to rot in my own shit if I’m just too fucked up for you and your fake ass brothers! Drop me like we never met! Like we were never friends.”

“I think I should! You’re pulling everyone down with you’re fucking bullshit, Kylie Marie. You little selfish bitch! You don’t care about how you’re fucking up everyone else’s lives!” We had a nice stretch of space between us and we argued as loud as our voices would carry.

“Fuck you, Joe! Okay?! Fuck you and your bullshit teeny bopper career! Fuck your stupid ass older brother who thinks he’s the shit! And fuck Nick, the fucker who just continues to fuck my life up with his fucked up actions. I don’t need you guys! I never fucking needed you! I was fine before I ever met you! And it’s ever since his cocky ass walked into my life I’ve been fucked up!” I threw down the bottle of water I was holding and went to where my purse was sitting on his bed. Roughly, I dug through it for my car keys. I don’t need this. Like I said, I never did. Nick was the only reason I was here.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” He roared, walking up to me as I finally found the keys.

“I’m leaving, you dumb fucker! Just leave me alone!”

“You are not about to drive tonight!” He grabbed me by my wrist. I fiercely struggled against him, flailing my elbows to get him to let go.

“Let go!” I growled.

“You aren’t leaving here, Kylie. Calm the fuck down,” He ripped the keys from my hand.

“Ahhhhh!,” I screamed out of pure anger , “I fucking hate you! I hate you so fucking much.” I let myself cry as I screamed at him and left the room, slamming his door so hard it shook the whole frame.

Joe must’ve known I wasn’t going anywhere because he didn’t chase after me. I heard him yelling to himself as he paced around his room. My own body slumped against the wall, sliding down to settle into a sobbing mess.

Joe is completely right. I’m a bitch. I am a fuck up. And I am being selfish. I’m trying to show off like I’m the type of chick not to care that my ex hates me or that he’s with my best friend. Like I’m fine with being bad ass when the truth is, I’m just trying to cover up the hurt.

I continued to sob until they slowly calmed. Tears were coming down more silently and I was simply sniffling as I wiped them away. Who knows how long I was sitting there before the door across from me opened.

I lifted my messy face to spot Nick, standing in his doorway, staring at me. It was like he didn’t know what to do.

“After a fight, seeing you is all I need.” I muttered sarcastically. I know I looked a horrible mess. Most likely, I resembled a pitiful hooker. My face was stained with ruined makeup and my skirt had rose as much as my top had cinched down.

“Look, Kylie. I don’t-“ He started, sounding almost like he was about to apoligize but I stopped him.

“No, you don’t need to say anything to me. It’s probably better if you stay away from me. I’m sure you heard Joe tell me about myself already. And if you heard that you heard me too.”

“Kylie.”

“But he can say that because he doesn’t understand. Yeah, how I’m acting is still wrong but it’s explainable; at least to a certain extent. I’m heartbroken. I’m as fucking hurt as I’ve ever been and this is how I try and keep from falling over myself. If I wasn’t out every night I’d be crawled into a ball feeling like I couldn’t go another day because Nick Jonas doesn’t love me. Pathetic. I don’t want to be like that. So I fuck my life up non stop so I can overpass the consequences. Too bad that’s not working out so well. My sister isn’t talking to me, I’ve alienated myself from Miley, and I’m just falling deeper and deeper into my own bullshit.

“From the time you left to now, I’ve cried over you more nights than I can remember. I still do as much as I don’t want to admit. My whole life right now is so fucked up because I can’t get over you.”

“I---” He stopped. Nothing. He said nothing after all I’ve said. He sits and looks at me without any words. I didn’t know what to do with that. I didn’t want to care

“Heh. You wanna know what hurts the most?” I laughed like it was some twisted joke, my tears still staining my face. “Knowing that you don’t even care.”