As You Wish

It was a heck of a busy night trying to calm down two week old baby, there was a lot that I didn’t know and I thought I was going to lose it. I didn’t panic because I knew that would do me no good, I needed to have myself collect so I can tackle this job of being a mother by the throat. My body wanted to sleep along with my mind; I wanted Laruen to sleep for more than an hour. I sat on the couch watching or most likely hallucinating that the sky was actually fading into a pretty blue. I leaned my head back against the couch and let my eyes closed as Laruen laid on my chest.

When I was finally entering La La Land, she started to cry again. I snapped my eyes open and sighed deeply, I could almost feel my eyes water. I got to my feet doing the thing that she seemed to like the most which was pacing about the room like crazy. I tilted my head back and chewed on my bottom lip gathering myself again.

“Ella,” I heard a voice that made my ears perk. I wasn’t use to the new voice; I only listened to the beautiful soundtrack of my daughter’s cries. “You should get some sleep, come on. I’ll take over.” John said softly and walked over to me taking Laruen and pressing her carefully to his chest.

I looked at the pair for a moment, they looked beyond perfected. They looked beautiful. I smiled tiredly at the sight and nodded to his request. I let a big yawn slip and I walked passed John, I felt his arm snake around my waist and brought me back to him. My back was pressed somewhat to his side; I had no control over my head that made itself at home on the available space on his chest. My hand rested on his forearm as my other arm just dangled at my side.

“I’m sorry for being such a pain in the ass,” He started while breathing into my hair and he placed a few kisses before continuing, “I don’t know what the fuck I was doing or even thinking. I wish I could take back everything and be there for you every step of the way. If not then I wish I would’ve called you and brought you into a tight hug instead of walking out on you when I first saw you.” He said the mix of anger and sadness in his voice.

“It’s not like I was any better John, I wish the same as you.” I told him tiredly and weakly. “I’m just glad you’re back and I could talk to you in person and hug you.” I looked up at him, his lips mashing into bridge of my nose not expecting the sudden change as he was going for a head kiss. I laughed softly, feeling myself again. “Smooth.”

“I try baby, I try.” He mirrored my smile and placed a few sweet kisses on my lips. “Go to bed before you start to make out with the floor.” He said placing the last kiss on my forehead.

“You would like that wouldn’t you?” I asked heading for the hallway.

“Yes, it’s one of my fantasies.” He played along.

“I wouldn’t doubt that, you’re sort of sick minded.”

“Only for you, Ella.”

“Aw, that just encourages me to make out with the floor even more.” I sort of smirked. “Ugh, I better go before I actually do, do that.” I smiled to him and looked over the pair once more before going over to our bedroom and got into bed.

My dream of ponies and daisies didn’t appear, to tell the truth I didn’t dream at all. Not that I minded even thought I was overdue for a nightmare, but I guess nightmare land was saving my ticket for a rainy day. I started to move around in the bed, it was empty of course. It just gave me that much more to stretch and take up as much room as my body could possibly take.

When my eyes finally did open they saw a bright lit room, the shine of the sun bouncing off the walls making me feel a lot better. I brought my hands to my sides on the bed and pushed myself up, I closed my eyes once more enjoying the birds that sang and the wind that blew right on by. I mindlessly got out of bed and blindly walked to the restroom that my feet knew too well where it was. I rested my hands on the counter and let my head hang over the sink. I opened my eyes and lifted my head letting out a snort at the girl with the messy hair and wrinkled clothes.

“It’s a new look for you El,” I said lightly and brought my fingers to my hair. I brushed through the tangles making a face every now and then and pulled into it a somewhat of a messy ponytail. I turned the water on and started to wash my face and teeth. I didn’t push it further with changing because I wasn’t trying to impress anyone and I knew that John didn’t mind about what I looked like.

I walked out of the restroom and into the lightly lit hallway and going for the living room. It was quiet and actually peaceful. There wasn’t the sound of Laruen crying or John whining. I looked around seeing Laruen passed out cutely in her pen as John was sitting on the couch looking through a magazine.

“I’m up and hungry!” I announced and patted my stomach lightly. John’s head popped up and a big smile appeared on his face.

“I expected you to sleep all day, but I’m glad you’re up.” He said while he closed his magazine and tossed it on the coffee table messing completely. “I could make up some lunch, breakfast whatever you want.” He offered and got up.

“Thanks but aren’t you tired?” I asked curiously and raised an eyebrow.

“Oddly enough I’m not, even though she had me up and down throughout the morning. She’s hard to please.” He said and shook his head. “Plus I’m a bit hungry myself.”

I laughed softly and followed him to the kitchen; I let a small yawn escape and leaned against the counter. “Yeah, she’s going to be tough cookie. But anyways what’s on the menu chef?”

John opened the fridge and closed it; he opened a few cupboards and closed those as well. He looked at me for a while and as he got an idea he went back to the first cupboard he opened. “How does soup sound?” He asked.

“Sounds good to me,”

“Good because that’s all we have at the moment.” He laughed and collected the few things he needed, pressing a kiss to my temple as he did.

I laughed and shook my head a little; I brought myself onto the counter and crossed my legs. I watched John; he did in fact look different. His hair was longer and he had a bit of stubble on his cheeks and his chin, his eyes had that extra shine in them and his lips were curled in this small cute smile. Although he stood there stirring our soup, I missed him.

“John?” I called him easily getting his attention; he said nothing only looking at me letting me know he was listening. “Can you come here?” I asked and took a deep breath. He nodded taking that one big step closer to me. I rested my hands on his shoulders and slowly moved them to his neck, I started to move his head around and started examine his face. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing anything or didn’t notice anything I haven’t before.

When I was done with my examination I started to look over his visible skin. I didn’t have it in me to just sit there and look; I quickly brought my arms around his neck and buried my face into the crook of his neck. “I missed you so much.” I whispered.

He didn’t hesitate his arms were around me just as quick. “I missed you so much too.” He whispered back and moved his hand along my back and finally stopped it at the back of my neck. I raised my head a bit and found his lips easily. As our lips moved in synced, I was feeling like I was falling in love with him all over again and it was growing stronger. Both of his hands moved on either side of my neck as he made the kiss deeper, my breath got caught in my throat but I didn’t dare to stop.

As we both couldn’t handle not breathing we parted only slightly, our lips hovered over the others and our hot breaths mingled together. I rested my forehead against his and took a shaky breath, his nose moved against mine sending a wide smile to my lips. That moment just made it a lot harder for me to be away from him.

We stayed in each other’s arms until the soup was boiling hot, I finally let him go and helped him by getting the bowls and everything else we needed. We walked to the table and started to carefully eat our soup before Laruen could start crying again.

It was as if babies know when to cry, they wait until their parents -or parent- is fully comfortable on the couch and they start their cry show. John and I almost rock, paper, scissor it but I just got up and picked up our daughter. I rubbed her small back knowing that she was hungry. When she was feed, I held her in my arms rocking slightly in the chair that was placed in our room.

I was zoned out staring into the beauty of the earth’s hold; I could faintly hear John on the phone that I didn’t know had rung. I closed my eyes also letting Laruen’s small noises be my soundtrack, it was also comforting. I continued to rock sending the both of us to sleep.

I woke up to John shaking me very carefully and him whispering my name, I opened my eyes and looked up at him and then down to sleeping the baby, I got up and walked over to the bed and carefully climbed in it placing her next to me as I laid down.

“Hey babe,” John started and walked around so he was view. I nodded for him to continue. “I don’t know how to put this; I can’t even believe it and I don’t know how to handle it.”

“John what happened?” I asked nervously.

“Dana… she had a miscarriage Ella.” He stated slowly as his eye fell to Laruen.

I stared at him and felt my eyes water, “That’s terrible… We have to do something, anything… that must be hard for her… for them, I…” I started to rumble and felt a few tears slip.

“That’s the thing babe, we can’t do anything. Patrick called and told me that and also added that they didn’t want us around for awhile.” He said sounding hurt.

“Why?” I asked in a low hurt tone as well. I looked at him and wiped my eyes. “It is because we have Laruen?”

John only nodded and frowned deeply; he tossed the phone at the end of bed and climbed into bed. He lay on his stomach and moved his hand to Laruen’s back and kept it there. “It makes sense, I don’t think I could handle seeing a couple with their baby if I didn’t have mine… but it hurts their both my best friend and to be told that they don’t want us near them sucks.” He explained.

I sniffed and rested my head on the pillow and nodded. I couldn’t even imagine what Dana and Kennedy were feeling, but all I could do at the moment was hope they will get through it. I heard that miscarriages could cause separations, and that’s something I didn’t want happening to them. I sighed deeply at the thoughts that were running through my mind at a 100 mph. I guess I was readable because John was caressing my cheek with the back of his fingers. I looked at him and half smiled, there was promise in his eyes that they were going to be okay.