You Should've Come With A Warning

Ch. 10

Of all the things that could’ve happened, I never thought this would have been one of them. When I ran through my front door I instinctively went to the bathroom to throw up. My heart was completely shattered and my stomach was in knots. I loved Jordan so much, but I hated him more right now.

He didn’t bother calling; he knew better than that. That boy knew me better than anyone and he knew I’d never answer his phone calls. I expected him to show up but I had absolutely nothing to say to him. There was nothing he could say. We were over. I couldn’t trust him. If he loved me as much as he said he did-as much as he made me believe- than he never would have done what he did. I crawled in my bed, curled myself up into a ball and fell asleep. Sleep relieved my mind because I didn’t have to think about what happened.

When I woke up I realized that Jordan was everywhere. His sweatpants were on my floor because I loved walking around my apartment in them and his shirt was sprawled across my bed because I loved to fall asleep in his scent. I sat up and defeatedly looked around my room, picturing all the memories Jordan and I had made. I put my head back on my pillow and cried. I didn’t move, I couldn’t go anywhere; I just let my body stay curled up on my bed. I don’t know how exactly how long I laid there when I heard someone at my door. I knew who it was and I had no desire to see him. Jordan had a key; I’d given him one not long after we got serious. I didn’t think anything of it because we I loved him and I thought we had a real future together. When I heard the click of the lock, indicating that the door was now open, I wanted to scream even though I didn’t have the energy. I couldn’t believe he was taking it upon himself to come into my place after what he’d done.

I heard him walk through the living room and finally saw him when he stood at my bedroom door. He didn’t look good. He was visibly hung over but I could see how guilty he felt and how upset he’d been all day. I didn’t say anything, I felt him staring at me and my puffy, red, swollen face gave away that I’d been crying since I left his place.

“I know I don’t deserve it, but please talk to me…” his voice was deflated. I didn’t say anything back to him; I just blinked as I stared at the wall.

“I know I messed up. The thing is, I was so drunk I don’t even remember it. I don’t remember her, I didn’t know what I was doing-“

I felt the anger in my body rising and I cut him off. “Is that supposed to excuse what happened? You not remembering is supposed to make me feel any better about picturing you with her?”

He paused and took a deep breath before answering me. He needed to take a second to compose himself or he would’ve started to cry. “No. It doesn’t make anything better. I was wrong about everything. I shouldn’t have gotten so jealous and downed everything in sight to deal with Sid being all over you, I should’ve been functional to know what I was doing and I shouldn’t have…” he couldn’t finish what we both knew he was going to say. He shouldn’t have screwed that whore.

“Well you did. I can forgive you for being so irrationally jealous over Sidney because, believe me, I know how it feels to not want the person you love being with anyone else. I can even forgive you for being so obnoxiously drunk that you were barely the person I know, but knowing you went home with her and slept with her…I can’t forgive you for that,” I started falling apart with the images that were in my head of him with her. The tears started falling down my cheeks and I couldn’t control them. “I trusted you,” I sobbed.

His cheeks glistened with streaks of tears. He ran to me and tried to console me because it killed him to see me this way. He kneeled in front of me on the floor and tried to run his hand along my cheek.

“No! Don’t touch me,” I pulled away and he quickly moved his hand off of me. When I got angry at his touch it hurt him more than I thought it would, it was evident by his facial expression.

“Anna…” he whispered trying to contain himself. “I love you…please…please don’t do this…”

“Do what? You did everything. You’re the reason we’re done.”

“No…you and I…we’re meant for each other. I know you know that. We can’t be over…”

“Then how come we are?” I asked stoically.

His jaw dropped and his face turned pale. “Do you still love me?” he quietly stammered out.

“What?”

“Do you love me?” he asked again.

“Of course I love you, but I don’t want to. I can’t stop picturing you with her, it makes me want to throw up and I can barely look at you right now…so just…please just go Jordan.”

He reluctantly stood up and forced himself to walk towards the door. “I’m not giving up on us.”

“You should’ve just gone home…you should’ve not gotten so drunk, and this conversation shouldn’t be happening because we should be together…but we aren’t and it’s because you couldn’t keep it in your pants.”

“I didn’t even know-“

“Don’t even give me that! Don’t you dare keep trying to excuse it by saying you can’t remember, because it doesn’t matter if you remember it or not, because it so happened…and I’m the one who got hurt.”

He turned to leave, but right before he did he threw his head over his shoulder and softly said, “You aren’t the only one hurting. My heart is broken too.” I didn’t say anything. I watched him leave, and when he did, he took with him my heart. I knew it belonged to him and I wasn’t getting it back.

I didn’t get up. I just stayed in my bed and I didn’t move. In what had to be hours later, my phone rang. I threw my hand on my nightstand and looked at the screen to see Sid’s name on it. I didn’t want to answer it. I didn’t want to talk to anyone but despite what I wanted I somehow found myself saying hello through the receiver.

“Hey Ann. I just wanted to thank you for taking care of me last night.”

“No problem Sid. How ya feeling?”

“Eh, I have a pounding headache, but I’m okay. Hey, what’s the matter? You sound like you’re crying.”

“No, I’m alright, thanks though.”

“Are you sure? I don’t believe you.” I couldn’t imagine why. I didn’t sound like I’d been sobbing or depressed all day….right.

“It’s nothing. Really, don’t worry about it.”

“Just tell me what’s wrong or I’m coming over.”

I didn’t need that. I just needed to be alone. “Jordan and I got into an argument and he really upset me.” Ah! I didn’t know why I even brought Jordan into it but I couldn’t think of anything completely untrue.

“What the hell did he say to you now?”

“It’s not important, it’s between us. I don’t want to cause issues between you guys for no reason.” I wanted to kick myself in the face for even being slightly truthful- which sounds terrible, but I didn’t want them to argue and I didn’t want Sid to know about Jordan and I.

“Whatever he did, he’s an asshole. Do you want me to come by? I don’t mind.”

“No, it’s fine. It was a long night last night and I’m just tired and overemotional- girl stuff. It’s fine, really,” I lied. “I just want to be alone and catch up on some rest, ya know?”

“You’re positive?”

“You’re such a great friend Sid, but yeah, I’m sure.”

“Okay, I’ll check up on you later.”

“Thanks,” I smiled. “Talk to you then.”

I got up for water and went back to my room and fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning I had to get ready for work and the guys had a game that night. I didn’t want to go to either, but I knew I had to at least show up for work.

The doorbell rang not even five minutes after I got home from work. I knew exactly what was on the other side. Jordan had sent me two-dozen white roses. The reason I knew this was because I got three deliveries at work. Roses were delivered the first time, a teddy bear the second, and roses again on the third. I was publicly mortified but heartbroken because I wanted to call him, I just couldn’t get past it. Each card declared his love for me and how sorry he was that he messed up. He’d written that he wasn’t going to get over me, if he could take it back he would and he wasn’t giving up without a fight. I brought everything that he had sent me home and now I had yet another delivery of roses to add to my display.

Every hour on the hour from five until nine I got a delivery of flowers, teddy bears or chocolates. Each delivery came with a card that Jordan used to express his remorse and how much he loved me. My heart was melting, but he’d broken the biggest promise in our relationship. Trust. I was so angry with him but it was because I loved him so much. I knew I couldn’t avoid him forever, his friends were the same as mine and no matter how hard I tried Sid would never let me stay away from them for too long…which Jordan hated but was secretly banking on because he knew that he’d at least see me. I did believe two things, he wasn’t going to give up, and I was going to try to move on-as impossible as that was going to be.