Waiting on a Diamond and a Tether

Ali’s point of view

Last day of tour was something I wasn’t ready for. Everyone was so tired and sad and completely drained. Emotionally and physically. A two month tour wasn’t something to be taken lightly. Sure, it’s loads of fun at the beginning, but the constant beaming sun, late nights and early mornings tired me out so much, I couldn’t wait to get home. Luckily, the last show just happened to be in a place I called home. Los Angeles, California.

I was so ready to get out of the sun. To sleep in my own bed. To wake up later than 8 AM. To take a hot bath for hours. To just, relax. I couldn’t wait to be with him again, away from tour and everyone as well.

We weren’t exactly a couple yet, but we weren’t just friends with benefits either. I wanted to be together, he did too. But I promised him that after tour was over, we would give it a shot again. It scared me more than anything. I was terrified of having so much to loose again.

I stepped out into the blistering heat no later than 10 AM. I had to set up the tent and bring out the t-shirts for the last time. This summer had been one of the best and one of the worse of my life all at the same time and I couldn’t help but feel like after today, I would be a little empty.

“So I came to a decision last night,” John chanted as he snuck behind me as I placed a box up on the table. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, but the tan he’d gotten over the summer seemed like he had one integrated into his skin.

“Really? And what’s that?” I asked, smiling. He flipped off his shades and sat next to me as I kept sorting everything out.

“I want you to come back to Phoenix after tour,” he grinned back at me, waiting for my reaction. He’d caught me by surprise more than anything.

“I don’t know what to say, John,” I replied, utterly shocked.

“Say yes!”

“I... I don’t know. I mean, where would I live?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest.

“With me. We’ll buy a small apartment together and we’ll just live off a mattress,” he whispered in my ear.

“What’s gotten into to you?” I joked. “Don’t you think it’s a little soon to be thinking about living together? I mean, I just think it’s a little soon, that’s all. Are we even really, official?”

“Why does it always have to be if we’re official or not? If we’re together or not. If we’re a ‘couple’ or not? I’m happy. You’re happy. I want to be with you. Isn’t that enough?” He replied, getting tenser as the minutes passed.

“I know, I just think it’s a little rushed. Anyways, can we talk about this later? I’m a little busy right now,” I said, tilting my head on his shoulder.

“You don’t think I’m serious, do you?” He shot back.

“It’s not the point. I just don’t want to rush into anything, especially since things are going good now. I-I don’t want to scare you away,” I replied.

“It’s not like we’ve known each other for a week, Ali. We have a history. It’s easy being myself around you and I don’t want to loose you for another three years when today is over,” he spat back at me.

“You won’t loose me, I promise,” I smiled.

“Fine,” he whined. “Anyways, I have an interview. I’ll talk to you later,” he said as he kissed my cheek and ran off.

“I love you,” I murmured to myself as I watched him walk away, making sure he was far enough so he wouldn’t hear.

Another curve ball. I wasn’t expecting him to be taking us so seriously. I thought if anyone, I had the control of where this relationship was going, but him saying that just showed me, once again, how much I didn’t know what was going on and how clueless I truly was. I was afraid that if we did move in together, we would get sick of each other and I would feel trapped again. But I loved him and falling for someone, again, this fast, was what scared me so much.

And there was that voice again. The voice that warned me that I was being dishonest. But I didn’t have time to listen to it. Not now, but it was still there, as always. And I pushed it away, as always, wondering how much longer I could keep this up.

The stand was particularly busy today. I didn’t know if it was because there were more kids or because it was the last day, but I barely had time to breathe at all.

“Hey Ali,” Kennedy chanted from behind me as he held out a plate of pizza.

“What is this? A peace offering?” I smirked as I took a seat, the first time I’d sat down all day. He put the plate down for me and leaned against the table.

“I figured you would be too busy today, so I went and got you some food,” he explained.

“Thanks, that’s really nice of you,” I chanted as I took a bite of the delicious pepperoni and cheese pizza he’d brought me.

“So, what’s up?” He asked.

“Nothing really, why?”

“I overheard John saying you might move back to Phoenix with him,” he trailed off.

“Yeah, I’m not sure that’s going to happen, at least not for a little while. He’s acting on impulsion and he’s just, not thinking straight. I mean, we’re barely even back together,” I responded, before taking a sip of my lemonade.

“Well, I think he’s just excited, Ali. He’s done a complete 360 since you’re back in his life and he just wants to make you happy. So what’s the real reason?”

I tensed up immediately. “You, of all people, know what the real reason is, Kennedy Brock.”

“What, you’re still on that, really? It’s been three years, just forget about it!” He replied, raising his tone.

“It’s not the point. I have to be honest with him and I’m not being honest right now and I refuse to move in with him without clearing the air before,” I spat back.

“I just think it’s bad idea, that’s all,” he scuffled off.

“Right, I got it. You’ve made that clear plenty of times!” I yelled. “But you know what, maybe it’s best he knows.”

“Knows what?” John asked as he popped out from behind the tent.

“Nothing,” I shot back, taking a seat back on my chair and avoiding all eye contact.

“Tell me,” he whined. “Who should know what?”

“Yeah Ali, tell him. What should who know?” Kennedy instigated.

“I said drop it, both of you,” I replied, angrily.

“No, you were making a huge deal about it, tell him,” He continued.

“Say one more word Kennedy, one more and I swear-”

“Alright, both of you, relax. I don’t care, really. I was just making conversation,” John trailed off as he sat next to me. “Kenny, I think you should go. Pat was asking for you. He needs help setting up your amp and monitors.”

He sighed heavily. “Fine, bye.”

I was left with an uneasy feeling inside of me. I was alone with John, right here, right now. He just smiled at me, possibly waiting for an explanation. But I just couldn’t. Maybe Kennedy was right, maybe it was best to leave the past in the past.

“What was that all about?” He asked, placing his arm around me.

“Nothing, you know, just butting heads. As usual,” I explained. He nodded in agreement and accepted it all so easily.

“Did you give any thought to what I told you this morning?” He asked.

“Not really, it’s been really busy all morning. I didn’t have time to think until two minutes ago,” I laughed.

“Come on, just say yes! You can’t stay with Anny and Ally forever and this would be good for us-”

“John, I know. I got it. I just have to think about it first, okay?” I shot back, a little irritated.

“I know, I’m just scared you’re going to say no,” he pouted.

“I want to make you happy, but I have to be happy with the decision too, you know? Last time I moved in with a guy just to make him happy and it turned out to be horrible,” I warned as I tilted my head on his shoulder.

“Alright, just don’t over think it either. Well, it’s the last day and I really want you to come see us play at 4. Please?” He asked with his big green eyes wide open.

“Sure, I’ll pack up early and come watch you guys,” I responded eagerly. His bright eyes lit up instantly. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek, said something about another interview and headed back to the trailer.

I picked myself up off the table and began putting everything away. I had an hour to spare before their set and to be quite honest, I was tired of sitting out in the sun all day.

By four, I was standing on the side stage as everyone eagerly awaited their arrival. The crowd was chanting and the atmosphere was absolutely incredible. I couldn’t believe all their hard work had paid off.

“Alright guys, lets do this one last time!” Jared yelled as they all ran onto the stage, John being the last. He saw me standing there and immediately, a huge grin appeared on his face.

“Good luck,” I smiled back.

“Love you,” he added, winked at me and walked onto the stage. The crowd roared with excitement.

I was flabbergasted. He loved me. He said it. He said it first. I was shocked. More than shocked. I couldn’t take this tension anymore. I couldn’t take this feeling inside me. I couldn’t take being torn between my past and my possible, incredibly spectacular future with him. I wasn’t even hearing any songs they were playing, I was just blank. Completely and utterly blank. A single tear ran down my face, but I quickly wiped it away before anyone could even catch a glimpse of it. My heart was beating fast. Faster. I felt like I was nearly going to faint. I leaned against the side of the stage and attempted to catch my breath.

“Alright, we’re going to slow it down a bit right now,” John said into the microphone. “This next song I wrote about three years ago on a very special night.”

The crowd roared.

“Yeah I know, it’s been a while,” He laughed, pacing the stage and playing with his hair. He set the microphone back into its hold and reached for his acoustic guitar.

The crowd roared.

“I wrote this song for a girl. Maybe some of you know her, she’s been our merch girl for most of this tour,” he continued.

I froze.

“I want to dedicate, or actually, re-dedicate this song to you, Ali,” he explained, looking me straight in the eye. I could feel my eyes widen.

“Come out here, Ali,” he replied as the crowd cheered. I shook my head from side to side, laughing at first, but it quickly turned much more serious. My eyes began to water as he insisted I come out, but I couldn’t. Not because I was to shy, sure I was, but mostly because I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore.

I burst into tears and walked off the side stage, heading towards the bus. I could barely see straight, but I was determined on making it there. I hoped more than anything that no one would follow me, but that wish was quickly dissolved when I heard fast-paced footsteps running after me.

“Ali! Ali, wait,” John called out as he caught up to me. “What wrong? You didn’t have to come on stage if you didn’t want to...”

“It’s not that John,” I shot back, choking on the tears I was somewhat holding back.

“Then what is it?” He asked, stepping in front of me, causing me to stop dead in my tracks. I looked up at his big green eyes and back down at my feet. “You know you can tell me anything.”

“Not this time,” I warned, trying to pass him and run away.

“Just tell me,” He replied, his voice becoming tenser. There was no use lying at this point. He knew something was up, something bad enough to make me cry and walk off the stage. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

“You’re going to hate me forever for this,” I trailed off. “But you want to know so...”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve been trying to find the right time to tell you this for months now and it was easy at first, keeping it a secret, because we were barely talking and I felt I didn’t owe you anything. But then you changed and I fell in love with you, all over again, and I couldn’t bring myself to ruin it for anyone and I was being selfish, more than selfish. But now, I feel you should know...”

“Know what?”

“The night I came to find you in LA, I slept with Kennedy,” I spat out, refusing to look up.

“What?”

“It was stupid and thoughtless and immature and-”

“So, you fucked my best friend?” He asked, his voice getting louder. I knew he wasn’t going to take it well, but I wasn’t expecting this.

“I didn’t mean to-”

“Whatever Ali,” he brushed off and headed towards the bus.

“You guys aren’t fighting again, are you?” Kennedy innocently asked as he made his way over.

“Get the fuck out of my way,” John warned as he blew past Kenny.

“What’s your problem?” He shoved back.

“Do you really want to know? How about the fact that you slept with my girlfriend? Is that enough of a problem?” He shoved back. Kennedy immediately stopped in his tracks. His eyes widened as he saw me, standing in the back.

“Why the fuck did you tell him?” He yelled at me. By then, John had run off. Where? No one knew.

“Because I couldn’t take it anymore!” I shot back, tears rolling down my cheeks.

“Now look what you did,” he yelled as he ran after John.

I crumbled to the floor.