I Bottle Up My Hollywood

The drive was completely silent. I hated paparazzi. This is not what I wanted when I followed my dreams. We pulled into my driveway and for once there wasn't camera stalkers in my driveway. John turned off the ignition and turned to look at me. I didn't make eye contact with . He knew I was upset.

“Babe, it's okay.” John tried to reassure me.

“No it's not! It will never be okay! We can never have any kind of normal relationship because of who I am!” I yelled back at him. How could he think that it was okay. I mean I understand them following me once in a while but, seriously, they found us a small restaurant when we finally got time together. How could it not bother him? Unless he wanted them to show up. Stop Liz! He's not like that. He actually cares about you! I hope...

“It's not your fault. These things are going to happen,” he said as he reached out for my hand but I pulled them away, “Liz?”

“I just....”, I couldn't even form a sentence to say how I was feeling. People knew that when I was mad or upset I can be reserved in ways. I finally looked him in his eyes. His eyes were filled with pain, because I retracted my hand, and hope. I guess he hoped I would jump into his arms and tell him he was right and I was just overreacting but I wasn't going to. “We better go inside before the camera hawks show up.” With that statement I opened my car door and began to get out. I could hear John getting out of the car and grabbing him book bag which I assumed had his clothes. That answered my question of whether or not he was staying overnight.

Once again an uncomfortable silence overtook us as we unlocked my door went inside my big house. I then locked my door again and I heard John put his bag on one of the couches in my living room. When I walked in to the living room he was sitting on the couch with his hands folded under his chin and his elbows on his knees. He looked both frustrated and like he was thinking. God he looks so cute when he's thinking. Oh god. Stop it Liz! I shook my head to clear my thoughts and sat down next to him. Neither of us knew what to say.

“I'm sorry I snapped at you.” I mumbled. I hate apologizing even when I know I'm wrong.

“What else is on your mind? You don't usually get so upset with the paps. Annoyed? Yes but never to the point where you yell at me.” He looked up to me and in his eyes all I saw was sadness. It killed me knowing I caused him to be this upset.

I took a deep breath. Should I tell him what else was bothering me? Should I tell him that it's him? Even though it wasn't quite him that I was upset. I just wanted to know how serious we were. I mean every time I'm on the phone with my mom and she asks about John, since she sees it online and in magazines, I never know what to say. I just simply tell her that I wasn't even sure the seriousness of our relationship. She could tell that it bothered me but she knew I didn't want to talk about it. My mom are close but in a weird way. We fight all the time and stuff but we always looked out for each other and I know she doesn't want me to get hurt.

I glanced down at my feet then at my intertwined hands then back up to his which now showed curiosity and wanting. Not the kind of wanting like for sex but like he truly cared about what was bothering me.

“I just.... Us.” I finally spit out and right after I kind of regretted it. After I listened to what I said I realized what it sounded like.

“Us? Like you don't want us to be an US?” He replied and I could hear both anger and sadness in his voice.

“No. That's not what I mean. I mean-”

He quickly cut me off. “Well that is what it sounded like.”

“Well that's not how I meant it. Look, if you want me to tell you what's bothering me then you need to let me. If not then the conversation is over.” I stated confidently. I began to get up but he quickly grabbed my hand.

“I want to know. It just bothered me the way you said what you said.”

I let him pull me down and he began to intertwine our fingers and I let him. He knew this meant that I wasn't angry anymore.

“What are we? Like I mean how serious our we?” I finally let it out. It felt good to get it off my chest but in the same token butterflies began to fill my stomach as I awaited his answer.

“Well I guess it depends. How serious do you want our relationship to be?” He questioned. We both were looking at our intertwined hands, neither of us would dare look at each other.

“I just want us to both want the same thing. All I know is that I really care about you. It sounds corny but I'm really starting to fall for you but, if you don't want us to be that serious I unders-”

I was quickly cut off from my babbling by John placing a soft yet passionate kiss on my lips. When he pulled away we both were out of breath and looked into each others eyes.

“I'm starting to fall for you too.” He said with complete honesty and his signature smirk on his face.

A blush quickly filled my cheeks. I looked him deep into his eyes smiled then pulled him into another kiss.