Paper Lanterns

I was almost to the door when I felt arms wrap around my hips. I turned and looked down to see Billie Joe on his knees, holding onto me with all of the strength he had.

"Billie Joe Armstrong, stop it. You're acting like a little kid."

"I don't care, Grace. As long as it gets you to stay."

I looked to Mike and Tre for help, but they shook their heads, knowing they couldn't do anything.

"I told you well before you left that if you screwed groupies on tour that I'd leave. You promised me you wouldn't, then you do it anyways."

"But I didn't sleep with anybody!"

"So you're saying Tre lied to me?"

"I'm saying Tre doesn't really know what went on! I'm saying he wasn't there, Grace. He didn't see that all I could talk about you was you.. All I thought of was you. Your hair, your eyes.. The way they light up when you smile."

I just couldn't listen to him anymore. I put my hands on his shoulders, pushing him away abruptly and catching him off guard.

Mike and Tre swiftly jumped in, holding him back as I went to the door to leave the apartment. I opened the door, turning back to face the three, staring Billie straight on.

"Happy fucking birthday, Billie Joe," I hissed, then left, practically running down the flights of stairs and to my car.

Nearly four months had passed since I left Billie Joe.

I had celebrated my 19th birthday alone in my apartment, eating almost an entire ice cream cake and opening presents I had been cheesy enough to buy and wrapped for myself.

But nothing, and I mean nothing could take my mind off of Billie.

I still worked at Amoeba and I was taking summer classes at UC Berkeley. I still kept in touch with Tre; we talked about twice a week and he even visits me at work.

He convinced Billie that I was long gone, and that I wasn't coming back to town. Tre said that Billie wouldn't go to Amoeba or a lot of the places we used to go because he hurt too much to even see the buildings we had shared so many times in..

Today, Tre came to visit me at work, but it wasn't his usual day.

"Gracie.. Beej freaked at practice yesterday. He's snapped before, but this was bad," he said as he leaned on the rack of CD's I was labeling and restocking.

"What do you want me to do about it, Tre? I'm not going to take him back, and it's not like he's the only one suffering. I still love Billie Joe so much.."

"Then why?"

"Because, Tre. He slept with other girls. He cheated on me! Even though he made a promise not to, he did it anyways."

"Are you eating enough?" Tre asked suddenly, changing the subject.

"Yeah, I'm eating just fine," I told him honestly, "Three meals a day, I swear."

"Can I come to your new place?"

"No, Tre. I told you already that you can't."

"Why not?" he whined like he always did.

"Because, if Billie Joe finds out that you keep in touch with me, he'll try to find out where I live.. I know him, and he'd do anything to get it out of you."

"Gracie, he thinks you're all the way across the country or something crazy. Beej said something about you having family out in Florida or something, I dunno."

"He sure remembers everything," I sighed, "Except the most important thing he was supposed to do."

"We're working on another CD."

"Really?" I asked with a smile, and Tre nodded.

"Yeah, but when it's done we're going on another tour."

"Oh," I said quickly, putting away the last of the CD's.

"Hey, can I tell Mike you're still here? I know he misses you and he can keep a secret."

"I know he can.. But I don't know..."

"Please?"

"Fine. Want to call him now and make it a surprise?"

There was no one else in the store, so it wouldn't be a problem for Tre to use the phone over the counter.

"Hey Beej, is Mike there?" Tre shot me a glance, hitting the speakerphone button.

"Why the fuck are you calling? Just come over if you want to talk to him," Billie's groggy, angered voice rang out through the store, and I held my breath.

"Because I'm too fucking lazy to come over. Put Mike on."

"Fine, be an asshole."

"I will," Tre shot, then I heard Billie yelling for Mike, then the phone was handed off.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Is Bill still nearby?"

"Nope, he went back to his room."

"Good. Come to Amoeba, there's something you gotta see."

"Dude, come on. I haven't been there since you-know-who left."

"I know, but come on. Tell Beej you're going to my place. He won't bother to try and come with."

"Fine. I'll be there in a few."

Tre said bye, then hung up.

"Why did he refer to me as 'you-know-who'?" I asked, sitting behind my register.

"Because Billie freaks out whenever he hears your name or we talk about you, even though all the songs he writes are related to you in some way or another.."

Twenty minutes passed, and a familiarly tall, dirty blond walked into the store, stopping dead in his tracks as he pulled off his sunglasses.

"Grace?" Mike asked, and I nodded.

He came over and gave me a huge hug.

"I thought you were in Florida..."

"Nope," I shook my head, "I've been here. Got my own place, taking college classes.. Just living."

"You seem to be doing a lot better than Billie," Mike mused.

"Just because I don't show how hurt I am doesn't mean I'm not. Billie and I do things our own way, including how we handle our emotions."

"You got that right," Tre added, "we can actually have a conversation with you, and you won't try to murder us."

"He's in bad shape, Grace," Mike told me, "Always drinking, and smoking nearly a pack and a half of cigarettes a day. He never goes out, unless it's for a gig. We have to make him eat so he doesn't die.. But he's already had a few trips to the hospital because of panic attacks and a near-overdose on his pills they prescribed him for them."

I stared at Mike as he spoke, the concern for his best friend shining clearly in his eyes.

"Mike- I..."

"I know, this is probably the last thing you want to hear. But Billie needs you.. He literally needs you to survive. When he sleeps..."

"You mean if," Tre corrected.

"Yeah. If he manages to fall asleep for a few hours, he clings onto your pillow, still on 'his side' of the bed. He's so empty."

"Guys, there's nothing I can do," I watched their mouths open to protest, but I cut them off.

"I'm not getting back together with him."

"Can't you like, send him a post card or something?" Tre asked.

"I can't send one from here, can I? 'Greetings from beautiful Berkeley' Yea--no."

"What if I had one from Florida?"

"That'd work," I nodded, and Tre smiled.

"I'll find it and bring it back here."

"Today?"

"Yeah, I know where it is.."

"Alright, see you soon."

Tre left, leaving me and Mike to catch up.

"I'm sorry for trying to guilt you into coming back. I just hate seeing Billie like this. He's dead set on proving he never did anything with anyone on tour."

"And how's he going to do that?" I asked, and Mike shrugged.

"I have no idea," he answered, "But I hope he does.."

"What do you mean? Didn't you see him with any of the girls?"

"No, I never saw Billie doing anything besides talking.. But Tre says he saw him leaving with them."

"Tre wouldn't lie about that.."

"But he could take a scene for something else, y'know?"

I nodded, and Tre came back in with a postcard of Cocoa Beach, Florida. I pulled out a pen and began to write.

Billie Joe:
All is going well, I'm safe and alive. I hope you're doing alright, and I really mean that. I'd hate to hear if anything happened to you.. Please, don't let yourself fall apart because of me. I'm not settling anywhere just yet, so there's no use in you coming to find me in Cocoa.

I'm still hurt by what you did, but the past is the past. We need to look to a future without each other in it. Just do what you do best; focus on the band and you'll forget all about me.

Live your dream and never hold back.
Good luck and good riddance.
All my love, Grace.