I Want to Hold You, for Now and Forever

Charles Manson:

"Look down on me you will see a fool. Look up at me
And you will see your lord. Look straight at me and
You’ll see yourself”

Instead of driving from Huntingdon Beach to LA, we flew from Long Beach (LGB) to LAX, which took about half hour, that doesn’t include the hour delay, the fucking delay was longer than the flight then we had to wait another two hours for our flight to London Heathrow, which by the way was scheduled to be 10 hours. I hate flying so this is possibly one of the worst days of my life and for the life of me; I couldn’t understand why we didn’t fly into LGB the day before or just plain drive. Men are ridiculously awful at time management.

“How much longer?” Zacky asked from behind Brian

“Dude, we haven’t even taken off yet” Brian replied

“Are you okay?” Dani whispered from behind me

“Mmhmm” was my answer, I was too busy clenching my eyes shut and grasping onto the arm seats

“Why wouldn’t she be ok?” Brian turned to look at Dani

I heard Jen laugh from in front “Haven’t you seen her face”

“Are you scared of flying?” Brian questioned me. I just sat still

“Yeah, she’s petrified. How have you not noticed?” Beci grinned and he shook is head. I felt the plane jerk and screamed my heart out scaring the shit out of anyone in a 10 mile radius and making a few children cry

“What the fuck!” Jimmy half shouted, half chuckled

“Please don’t let me die” I stressed, shouting, making people around me laugh

“Ma’am are you ok?” the stewardess asked me and I nodded my head, a little bit embarrassed about my outburst but still mostly scared at the slight chance of a plane accident. She warmly smiled before taking her leave

“Are you sure?” Brian looked at me

“I’m not going to die am I?” I asked him quietly looking for reassurance

“Nah, we’re going to be fine”

“Promise?” I looked at him with big eyes

“I promise” he smiled before pecking me on the lips. I’d like to say take off went smoothly and it did for everyone else but me, who burst into tears when we hit bad turbulence and of course everyone stared at me but Brian was there to comfort me as Jen soothed me as best as she could whilst Dani kept calling me a scaredy dirtbag… Bitch. She loves basking in my discomfort but for some unknown reason I love her anyway. 5 hours into the flight, we had been fed and everyone was basically asleep apart from me, Zacky and Jimmy, who had traded seats with Dani to sit by us

“What shall we do?” Jimmy asked playing with the button that called the stewardess, pretty funny because every few minutes one of them would look through the curtain

“Well Jimster, I’d stop playing with the button cause otherwise the stewardess is going to throw you off the plane” I told him, hooking my thumb toward the bleach blonde female with make-up heavily plastered onto her face, glaring in our direction and he immediately stopped to put is thumbs up with a big grin spread across his face

“Dudes, should we play tricks” Zacky smiled like it was a genius idea

“I don’t think so” I bit my lip

“Why?” Jimmy questioned

“Because”

“Because why?” he questioned again

“Because I said so”

“She’s too scared to move” Zacky chuckled

“Fuck off Twin” I glared at him

“Ha! You are as well” Jimmy chuckled too

“Leave me alone” I pouted

“Aww baby’s pouting” Zacky said using a strange voice and pinching my cheeks. I went to slap his hand away and ended up slapping Brian round the head, I gasped and the boys laughed. Brian jumped up

“It wasn’t me!”

“Huh?” I scrunched my face up as Me, Zacky and Jimmy exchanged looks

“Nothing” he said slyly, sitting back down rubbing the back of his head “Why did you slap me?”

“Zacky’s fault” I said quickly pointing at him

“No it wasn’t!” he said like a two year old

“Uh huh” I said, joining in with the playfulness

“Your such a tattle tale” he stuck his tongue out at me as Jimmy slapped him round the head

“Hey!” he shouted rubbing his head and I stuck my tongue at him until I felt myself being pulled down and I squealed until I saw the big brown orbs of Brian Haner Jr

“What’s cooking good looking” I giggled

“Not much beautiful” he lent down to kiss me, I loved every second of his sweet kisses, and they were intoxicating. I whined when his lips left mine and his cheeky smile covered his face

“Don’t stop” I pouted lifting my head to connect with another searing kiss and he laughed into it

“Aren’t you tired?” he asked with his face still centimetres from mine

“Uh huh” I replied kissing him again. Remind me again why I haven’t had sex with this man yet? Am I stupid? Every time he touches me, not only do the Goosebumps appear but I get horny as hell, just like I am right now and I'm frustrated at myself for not giving in to pure heavenly bliss. Yes I’m officially a dumbass.

“Then sleep”

“I don’t want to” I whined again

“What do you want?” he asked with an eyebrow raised. He had the very same thoughts I did

“Another kiss” I grinned and kissed me again but deeper and more passionate. We wanted the same things and I don’t know why I was holding out anymore. Maybe it was because I was trying to erase my past mistakes or because for once I wanted to feel like I was special and I was needed not just wanted

“I like your kisses” I told him

“Really now? How much?”

“This much” I spread out my arms with a grin on my face

“You’re adorable” he chuckled

“I know”

“Sleep” he commanded before kissing me on the nose. My eyelids got heavy and I fell into a deep sleep. Before I knew it I was being shaken and told we had landed. I opened my eyelids to see Beci with a huge smile upon her face

“Fuck off” I mumbled

“Get the fuck up” she said pulling me up. I looked around and I couldn’t believe I’d slept through the landing. Over the next hour, we went through immigration and collected our bags whilst Shads and Jimmy retrieved the bags. We all decided that it was best to get a van instead of 3 cars, yes there were quite a few of us, 12 to be exact because the Berry Brothers came also and, again, we… well they decided that because me and Beci were British and know the motorways better that we should drive, oh this was going to be amusing

“Who’s driving first?” I asked Beci

“Want to flip?” and I nodded. She flipped the coin and won meaning she picked that I drove. I think she forgot how bad I was. I jumped in the front and turned the engine on

“Everyone ready?” I shouted, I got mumbled yes’s and a ‘fuck off dirtbag, I’m trying to sleep’ from Dani. I started the engine and soon enough joined the M5 towards Birmingham

“Fucks sake!” I shouted at a driver on the road who cut in closely in front of me and I bibbed my horn waking mostly everyone up “Don’t stick your finger up at me, bitch, I’ll fuck you up”

“Chill” I turned to look at Brian

“Did you not just see that fucking idiot?”

“Yeah” he chuckled “But I think you woke everyone up”

“And? Your point being what?”

“Ooo Domestic” Johnny piped up

“Fuck off Shortshit” I flipped him off earning a few chuckles

“You let her drive?” Charl stared wide eyed at Beci “You dick!”

“What? I won the coin toss! We change at the services” Beci replied

“I don’t want to die that’s what!!” Charl mock cried

“Fuck off” I aimed at Charl

“Touché” she laughed “I’m not wrong though”

“She isn’t that bad” Shads said before I swerved “and I spoke too soon”

“Can we stop?” M. Berry asked “I need to call home and tell my mom I love her before I die” making everyone laugh

“I hate you all” I said in monotone voice

“Seriously though, when do we stop?” J. Berry asked

“In about 15 minutes” I said, pointing to the services sign

“I can piss!” Jimmy shouted, tickling Jen who burst out laughing like a mad woman on crack

“Jimmy, I can’t breathe” She said breathlessly laughing

“Okay baby, I’ll stop” he grinned at her

“What are you up to Mr. Sullivan” she asked him

“Well I need you to breathe for certain reasons” he winked at her and she slapped him on the arm whilst laughing

“Dirty bastard” Shads laughed

“Dude, you have no room to talk” Zacky interrupted

“And you do?” I saw Dani go red in the rear view mirror. They didn’t really talk about whether they were together or not but hey whatever worked for them

“Are we the only ones who haven’t gotten laid in the past few days?” M. Berry asked the group

“Dude, why are you speaking for me?” J. Berry chuckled

“Nah, my man Syn here has had nada” Shads laughed

“Bro, shut up” Brian glared at him

“Yeah, the way he was watching that La Senza lingerie commercial the other day, I swear he was gonna blow one right there” Johnny laughed earning chuckles in the bus. I pulled into the service station, turned the engine off and getting out the van, slamming the door. I don’t know why I was so pissed off, I think it was more at myself than the conversation; I was being selfish and only thinking of myself.

“Wait!” I heard Brian and I turned to look at him “I’m sorry about that”

“Don’t be, they’re not wrong”

“I don’t need it”

“But you want it” I countered

“What man doesn’t?”

“I’m being selfish”

“Your not”

“I am Brian, I just didn’t want to make the same mistakes I’ve made in the past” I argued

“I understand that I do, you seriously just need to chill baby” he said rubbing my arms that I’d crossed to keep warm

“I want you to want me but I want you to need me” I told him “I don’t want to feel used”

“I know” he pulled into a tight embrace “Lets go get coffee and beer” he added quickly pulling me inside. Once we’d gotten what we wanted, we were back on the road with Beci driving. I’d made the mistake of sitting in between Shads and Brian and I was fucking squashed so in order to give us all room, I put my legs over Shads and laid my head on Brian’s lap, which worked but I didn’t anticipate on falling asleep. For the second time in one day I was being shaken awake but this time by Jen

“We’re here Chlomo” she smiled

“The hotel?” I quizzed and she shook her head

“No, at your house” and I shot up

“What?!”

“We’ve already checked in but we let you sleep”

“Fuck” I was trying to steady my nerves and to top it off I looked like shit. I rubbed my face and looked in the rear view mirror, I didn’t look to bad but I didn’t look great either. I sighed and got out of the car

“Don’t worry” Jen hugged me “It’ll be ok” I loved her optimism. I started walking toward my door, taking deep breaths and I felt them walking behind me. I stopped at the door and started knocking. No answer. I knocked again. No answer

“May be there’s no one in?” I looked around and shrugged until I heard the door open

“Chloe?” The older woman pondered “Oh my, Chloe!” she pulled me into a tight embrace

“Hi Mummy, I missed you”

“Oh darling, I missed you too” she looked me in the eyes and I kissed her, I was reminded off how much I actually missed her, my eyes started to water and I hugged her, praying that this wasn’t a dream and I was really here

“I know babe but your home now” she smiled

She was right. I’m home