Electric Shocks on Aching Bones.
they say falling in love is easy to do;
Vicky wakes with a pain in her lower back, and like every other morning, she is disappointed that everything is exactly the same. The air above her suddenly feels constricting and stale, and she begins to struggle with the stubborn window, the splintering wood rough against her palms. As the morning air strolls in, Vicky strains her neck and begins to look for signs. She looks for a pattern in the leaves of the old apple tree, she searches the sky for a cloud formation with the answer and she tunes into the birds, waiting for the secret to be let out.
Please, just give me a sign, anything.
What Vicky really wants is to discover something amazing. Like the Holy Grail, nestled in the hedges guarding her fence, or some sort of mythical sea creature hiding in the neighbour’s swimming pool.
Just something to tell her that it won’t always be the same. Not always.
-
It hurts to have to listen to her sister’s voice floating up from downstairs, colliding with her ears as if it were intentional. Elizabeth’s voice bubbles in excitement, spilling out from her mouth in a rush, as the words merge together until all Vicky can make out are certain changes of tone, from one squeal to another. She has been invited to the prom by a boy that sat in the back of Vicky’s math class, the one that wears thick-framed glasses and could tell you the what pi was to the last number right off the top of his head, and yet, according to Elizabeth and many other females in Vicky’s year, was oh so gorgeous! Vicky couldn’t find the attraction herself, but this wasn’t what bothered her.
Suddenly bored with the scenery, her fingertips stretch out and brush the smooth metal of the wheel chair, waiting loyally for her as she positions her arms with care and hoists herself into the chair with a small smile of achievement. It is a big thing for her, to have this small amount of independence, which she had lost out everywhere else.
Vicky makes her way down the hall as Elizabeth’s voices continues to narrate her journey, filling in the silence with talk about dress length, hair, makeup, and shoes while her mother hums in appropriate places, as Beth was never one to let anyone else do much talking.
Vicky emerges through the door just as Beth has moved onto corsages, and her mother greets her with a smile and a welcome.
‘Good morning, how are you feeling today? Can I get you anything?’
Vicky begins to hate how everything in her life is tainted with similitude, and it kills her as she repeats her usual answer, comforting her mother into thinking everything is fine from behind a lying smile.
Vicky drifts back and lets her mother and sister continue their discussion, listening to their words glide together in a constant hum. She manages to pull herself into a comfortable lying position on the couch, as her mother offers Beth a ride to the mall in search of this so-called perfect dress. Vicky feels the sudden consuming wave of hurt tide over her, as she knows the offer doesn’t extend further than Beth. And why would it? Poor Vicky, she could never get a date to the prom with her, well, you know, disability.
There is an awkward, almost hostile silence that Vicky projects as her mother hovers by the front door, mouth open to form words before the fear of Vicky’s hard stare forces them back down her throat. Her mother is snapped back into motion by Beth’s yells from the car, and she leaves without a second glance.
Vicky hates this. She hates that things aren’t different, that they aren’t easier. She hates that reality has a cruel way of reminding those who were flawed just how much they weren’t like everyone else. She wishes, over and over that she could just be normal, complete, whole, and not... her. Usually she has a tight grip on her thoughts, knowing that she could be in much worse places, but her anger just throws her head into a hurricane, one where the dust just will not settle.
Vicky lets her head fall back into the arm of the couch, a gentle sigh just grazing past her lips as she closes her eyes, eyelashes lacing with one another, and her lips move softly to the grace of just one more wish before sleep crawls out and takes her victim for the better half of the day.
-
Vicky sits in the back of her English class, and tries to pull at the wires in her brain to conjure up everything she knows about Gabriel. It wasn’t that he has any real role in her life, or any real reason to be on her brain as much as he is, but there is something so different about him, and that is what lured Vicky in.
Gabriel is constantly on the wagging tongues of the gossipers, and has taken a permanent residence in the sole worn out seat out the front of the principal’s office. He is a classic, the jokester, the prankster and the all round bad ass. Not to mention his towering frame, soft brown eyes followed up by that heavy Spanish accentuated voice had the female students turning into squealing morons over that ‘hot Hispanic piece of ass’.
Vicky tries to pick apart what she knows, to dissect what exactly had her so caught up on the idea of him. She’s interrupted by the exact object circling her thoughts, as a ruffled Gabriel, armed with that goofy smile, tumbles through the door and waits for his punishment, something that is becoming routine for him.
“Late again, Mr Saporta, I’m sure you know what to do with this.” Mr Biggs races his pen against the pink slip, before tearing it off and placing it into the outstretched hand of Gabriel.
“Just one more to add to my scrapbook, sir.” Gabriel then turns with the intention of sending a wink at the first female to catch his eye. Vicky happens to tear her eyes away from the reddening face of Mr Biggs to be hit with the wink of Gabriel Saporta, leaving her brain unconnected and suddenly she can’t think of any way to recover.
Oh yes, Gabriel had her before hello.
-
The stone wall Vicky manages to drag herself up against is harsh on her exposed skin but she can’t make herself care enough to do anything to stop it. She feels as if she is sitting on the edge of the earth, and everything is at her feet, passing by for her to watch, but never experience. The taste of life is on her tongue, and it is the sweetest thing she has ever tasted.
The sharp hiss of a lighter brings her back, and she notices a boy leaning against the wall next to her, his skin so flawless her fingers ache to touch. Gabriel brings the now lit fag to his mouth, inhaling deeply, holding it inside his lungs for as long as possible before exhaling became urgent.
The smoke curls, and twists around Vicky’s head, its movements intoxicating as she looks past the smoky haze toward the boy at fault. Before she can trap her tongue between her teeth, her words slip out and catch her in an awkward aftermath.
“Smoking kills, you know. Lung cancer and all that.”
Gabriel is almost taken back by the sound of her voice, the first words she has ever spoken to him. He glances at his cancer stick quickly, flicking ash to the dirt before taking another drag, his eyes far away from where he is.
“Yeah, that’s what they tell me.”
Vicky can’t stop herself, she’s in too deep. “Well, they’re right.”
Gabriel lets out another breath of smoke, before looking down at her. “Dying on my terms, from something I have caused sounds better than dying because of some other fucker.”
Vicky wonders if he is scared of death, but doesn’t ask out loud. Instead she coughs loudly, and Gabriel gives it up, snubbing the cigarette butt on the concrete wall before flicking it to the curb. His eyes trail down her legs, his vision snagging on the wheel chair that was sitting patiently beside her.
“What happened to you?” His question is blunt, no sympathy and no jeering expressions. Vicky isn’t sure how to feel about this, and somewhere inside her, she relishes in the fact he doesn’t condescend her in the way everyone else does.
“Car accident. Messed up my spine, causing my legs to be unresponsive to brain activity.” Vicky makes sure her words aren’t dripping with self-pity or too many details, somehow she knows that Gabriel isn’t the type to get caught up over a sob story.
Gabriel nods, two sharp head movements, before walking away, throwing a ‘see you round’ over his shoulder. Vicky is still watching the space where he used to be when he is gone. She’s hooked, and she doesn’t even know.
-
Weeks roll by, and Vicky still finds herself waiting. The only thing that could make waiting more unbearable, is not knowing quite what you are waiting for, and this feeling has Vicky captured, squirming in anticipation for something that may or may not happen.
Vicky tries to file away this feeling for a later analysis, and turns her attention to rolling through the school corridors to get to class on time. The buzz of her peers floats around her head; snippets of their conversations catch her as she passes by and only fueling fire to the headache already slowly awakening in her left temple with a slow thud. She is so focused on getting to class and blocking out the hum of the students around her, that she fails to see the cruel smirk on a passersby’s face or see his leg jut out of place to deliver a swift kick to the back of her wheel chair.
The colors and faces merge into just a colorful blur, rushing by Vicky’s peripheral vision as she is so taken back that she sits frozen in her wheelchair, stalled hands glued in her lap and unable to do anything that could possibly stop her from a certain injury.
Then, it happens. Although everything speeds past her, the wheel chair still gaining momentum, the whole universe feels like it slows right down, enough for her to see him, to see something in him.
To anyone else watching the scene, it seemed that Gabriel stuck his foot out in ease to collide with and to halt the wheel chair, in order to save himself from being hit with the full force of the girl and her metal trap.
But to Vicky, she sees the truth. Gabriel walks toward the bunch of lockers, in dire need for another fag when he hears the jeering, taunting sounds from further up the hallway. Ears intrigued by the sudden noise, for once not caused by his own action, his eyes search for the reason for this nonsense. It’s her. Fear floods her face as she races down the hallway, eyes trapped in a still body and it was clear to Gabe that this was not something she anticipated. Gabriel knows he isn’t in danger, he is just standing so she will race past him, merely kicking up breeze at his face, but this thought won’t fly with him. He takes one small half step closer into the middle of the corridor, and sticks out one foot, feeling the reaction force as the metal and shoe collide.
The school is silent, waiting. Gabriel looks at the girl, terror and relief, a bittersweet emotion written all over her face, and wishes he is bigger than his reputation to say something to calm her. But he isn’t, so instead, he draws his foot away, and looks down at her through narrow eyes.
“Watch it next time,” He replies gruffly, and walks back down the corridor in jerky mechanical movements, listening as the entire school body lets out the held breath and resumes as normal.
Vicky knows. She sees it written in his eyes that he intended to help her. And for once, she sees a light in someone, and she has a feeling that it will not fade.
-
With all this pent up frustration, all Vicky wants to do is let out one long scream, to let everyone hear what was tearing her up inside. Only the worst part is, nobody will understand her, even if they hang around to see what has upset her in the first place. Vicky realizes that being a teenager in an ignorant world is a dark, terrible thing, and she is scared.
She knows she is in for a detention as soon as she manages to get to class, but she refuses to give into her peers mocking looks and explain her perfectly good reason for being late. She had had trouble in the bathroom with her wheelchair not positioned right and it had taken a while to get back up. She had been told by the school that if something like this occurs, to just explain it to her teacher and she would be excused. But Vicky is too headstrong, and doesn’t want special treatment because of her disability, and would rather keep her mouth shut.
The hallways are almost desolate, with the exception of a steady squeak coming from around the corner. Vicky notes this, and slows down; a strange feeling washes over her as she suddenly interlocks eyes with none other than Gabriel. She feels herself blush, look away and wishes with everything she has that she could say something cute, funny, or just say anything at all.
Gabriel squints at her, soaking up her look of total loss of what to do, and decides to help her out, seeing as there was no one around to witness this.
“Shouldn’t you be in class?” The sound of his voice is Vicky’s swift kick up the ass into reality, and she falls from the trance Gabriel was at fault for. Her brain fumbles for something, anything, to work with.
“Uh, yeah, I should, uh, yeah.” Perfect. She seems like a bigger moron than before! Vicky could kick herself for being so stupid, but that would involve working legs. Her thoughts are bitter, so she tunes back into Gabriel, noticing his lips were moving again.
“Huh. Well, the lesson's halfway over. You wanna come with me?” Gabriel lives his life on a whim, and this is just one more thing to add to it. Vicky goes into shock, not knowing which to be more shocked over, the fact Gabriel just invited her to be seen somewhere with him, or the fact she was about to break school rules and wag, because let’s face it, she is going to say yes.
“Yeah, okay. Where are we going?”
Gabriel lets out the smallest of smiles. “I don’t know, we haven’t got there yet.”
It was then that Vicky knows she would follow him anywhere, well, anywhere that had wheelchair access.
Gabriel accompanies her down the wheelchair ramp and across the school campus, and all that can pass through Vicky’s mind was, what would happen if someone saw us together? Will Gabriel make something up? Or will he admit he is with me?
Vicky knows that the latter isn't very realistic, but it doesn’t hurt too much to dream. They move in silence, crossing hushed roads and passing through deserted parks until Gabriel’s body goes loose, causing him to fall beside a large Oak tree. Vicky slowly makes her way out of her chair, and onto the grass beside Gabriel, and a silent gratitude radiates from her as she is grateful he didn’t try and help, he just lets her do her thing.
Gabriel produces a pocket knife and begins to carve away at the trunk, his hand hiding whatever messages he was writing from Vicky. Vicky begins to feel her self-confidence rise; it seems that just being around Gabriel was enough to draw his over-confident aura towards you.
There are things on her mind, and she just has to know whether they are true or not. She hears so many stories about the boy sitting right beside her, stories of teeth being punched out, broken limbs, and a drug deal that turned ugly. Gabriel is always in the spotlight for one thing or another, and Vicky isn’t quite sure she believes the hype.
“Are you really as bad-ass as everyone makes you out to be?” Vicky’s question causes the scratching noise Gabriel was at fault for to stop, and he peers at her through new eyes. Her face is honest, and he suddenly feels like he could say anything, and she will just listen.
“What do you mean?” Gabriel’s mind isn’t fully in tune with Vicky yet, and he simply says the first thing that pops into his head.
“Well, last week I heard you stabbed a boy in the gut with cafeteria cutlery simply because he refused to get out of your way. Sometimes when I hear things like that, then compare them to you, they don’t quite add up.” Vicky is astonished at how perfectly sound her sentence structures are, and hopes she can keep this up. Gabriel, on the other hand, is trying so hard not to cave and let her in.
Gabriel tries to release an easy smile. “Nah, I just took him out back and pretended to ruffle him up a bit, as long as he promised to pretend I had really let him have it. Can’t let my reputation fall, can I now?”
Gabriel’s eyes are hard, and Vicky sees how much he despises his image, but she also sees how much he needs this image to hide himself away, almost as if to protect himself. Gabriel goes back to his carving, and Vicky thinks in silence.
“I just want to thank you. For stopping me the other day. And don’t pretend you didn’t try and help, I know you did. I just want you to accept my thanks.”
A low grunt forms from Gabriel’s throat, and Vicky smiles, feeling like she has made progress in this weird acquaintanceship.
“What are you carving?” Vicky’s voice pipes up again, and Gabriel moves his hand slightly so that Vicky can lean over and read the words. In messy scratches, both their names lay embedded in the tree trunk and Vicky can’t make sense of it.
“Why?”
“Every seven years our body changes; every cell is replaced. In seven years time, I will come back here and be a completely different person. I want everything to be different when that happens. I want everything to have changed.”
Vicky understands completely, and for the first time in her short life, she feels her heart connect with someone, and it’s a feeling she doesn’t want to ever quit.
-
The signs of change never come, but Vicky stops looking for them now. They don’t matter to her as much as they did. And somehow, this makes her feel lighter, freer, as she doesn’t have to constantly be on the lookout for those signs.
It is a weird friendship, between the school rebel and the disabled girl, but no one makes any comments on this factor purely because no one knows. The pair manages to break away from life to spend a few precious moments with each other in secret, it could be from finding each other in a quiet corridor during class, both holding a hall pass, or hanging around after school, where they can talk for hours until darkness sets in.
Sometimes Vicky wishes they didn’t have to be so hush, hush about them being friends, but she isn’t ready to complain about it, being with Gabriel is the one thing that makes her feel... normal. When he talks to her, he really talks to her, it’s almost like he forgets she’s a cripple, and she loves the feeling. Gabriel won’t admit it, but he is just as fond of Vicky, as she is of him. She is the only one to actually listen, to actually care, and she is the only one to see the real him. She is the first person to see him as a real person, not just a poster boy for shits and giggles.
Vicky’s mother is the first to notice the change in her daughter’s mood. Vicky is no longer doom and gloom; instead, she will smile, laugh and just generally lighten the room with her own happy glow. Despite the fact this makes her mother happier than words can express, to see her daughter shining, it also strikes a fear in her heart. She isn’t stupid, it’s most definitely a boy causing this, and this makes her want to protect her daughter from the heartbreak that will certainly ensure.
Since the accident, all Vicky’s mother wants to do is to hold her daughter and fight off all the bad things that will come, to wipe away tears, blow noses, and be the backbone for her daughter. But like every mother knows, this just isn’t possible and instead, she has to let her daughter figure it out on her own, and only stand on the sideline waiting for the call.
-
“Like this, hold it to your palm.” Gabriel pushes the smooth stone into her hand and she grips her fingers around it, listening to Gabriel’s instructions carefully. When he says to throw it, she flings it into the air until gravity pushes it back down with a heavy plonk into the salty water below. Vicky cringes at her failed attempt at skimming a rock, and Gabriel lets out a light chuckle, dumping his weight onto the bench beside Vicky’s chair, stretching along it with ease.
“Well, at least I don’t have to worry about losing you to an Olympic scout, yeah?” Vicky laughs at the stupid irony, and pokes her tongue out at Gabriel playfully, before casting her eyes back out to sea. She had been to this pier many times before, with her parents, sometimes her sister, but never with Gabriel. The waves had never crashed with such a beautiful intensity, and the salty wind never brushed her skin with such a gentle touch. Gabriel seems to make this place come to life, and Vicky is merely stunned by all this.
Vicky fiddles with the wheels of her chair, rolling back and forth slowly as the pair enjoy their time together in an easy silence. Suddenly, Gabriel does something that shocks the both of them, he extends his arm out toward her, and slips his hand into hers, connecting them together.
Gabriel realizes that he has never needed someone as much as he needs Vicky, she is the only one that can make anything make sense, and he needs her to understand how much her friendship means to him. He doesn’t need to worry, these thoughts, these emotions, flow through him to her, and she smiles, a beautiful smile, and they both feel their hearts grow ten sizes.
-
“So... prom is coming up.” This is Gabriel’s way for asking Vicky to prom, and even he knows it needs some work. Sometimes he feels intimidated around Vicky, with everyone else he can be cocky, self-assured and an asshole, but with Vicky around, he shrinks back into, well, a nice, genuine guy. He feels almost vulnerable without this personality to hide behind. Vicky wishes the rest of the world could see this Gabriel, see through his thick shell, but there is also another part of her, that is selfishly happy she is the only one to see him in this light.
Vicky makes no attempt to answer Gabriel, keeping her head to the pavement as they both slowly head in the direction of home, with no real intention of getting there anytime soon. Of course Vicky knows it’s nearly prom, a week and two days to be exact. Vicky had only dreamed of dancing with a gorgeous boy in a gorgeous dress as far back as her memories go, and behind her eyelids, the word prom is flashing like a neon sign, reminding her that this is one more thing she is missing out on because of the accident. It hurts, especially with her sister running around in a frenzy to get everything perfect for her night, even though she gets to have her own prom with her friends next year, but Vicky will never let on.
“So it is,” Vicky finally mumbles, the silence between them stretching further again. Gabriel was hoping she would make this easy for him and just say yes, she’d love to go with him. He wants nothing more than to enter prom with his hand in hers and show the entire school the diamond he found under the rough.
“So, I was thinking maybe we could... go together? Y’know, it won’t be such a drag with good company.” Gabriel’s palms were sweating lakes by now, why is this so hard? He was Gabriel fucking Saporta, cool, confident and... just a facade. That part of him isn’t even real. This is a crushing reality check for Gabriel, when he realizes that his image, his reputation, wasn’t worth shit and it didn’t matter now. Everything he thought he was is nothing. This is scary beyond belief, but Gabriel doesn’t want to admit what Vicky already knows.
Vicky held bitter tears in her eyes, anger welling up inside her as she felt the hurt back all the words she was about to say. Before she can open her mouth to let Gabriel have it, Gabriel looks down and notices the hurt written boldly across Vicky’s face and he immediately knows he’s done something wrong.
“Hey, what’s with the tears?” Gabriel wishes his voice sounds playful and caring, relaxed, but it comes out strained and almost ignorant. Vicky balls her fingers into fists and pushes them to her face, hiding from Gabriel.
“How d’you expect me to dance at a prom without working legs?” She mumbles into her fist, the fury underlining each word perfectly. Gabriel was a little taken back; he wasn’t really one to think that far ahead. All he wants is to be with her, at this stupid prom.
“I- I just thought that... I, uh, well...”
“You didn’t think. Take someone else, some pretty little thing that can dance with you and twitch her little butt all pretty-like for you. Someone who can live up to your reputation.” Vicky tries her best to speed off down the path, and she knows that if Gabriel wants to, he can easily extend his long legs and catch her. But he doesn’t, he is frozen to the core with her ice cold words.
Somewhere in the back of Vicky’s mind, the calm, more reasonable part, there is a voice telling her how wrong it is for her to say such things. All Gabriel is asking is for her to go to prom with him, to be seen with him, which is what she has been wishing for for a long time. But... she is disappointed, angry, but not with Gabriel, herself. She wishes she is good enough to be seen with Gabriel, but she knows deep down that she is never going to be a pretty little doll with long legs and sexy little smile that Gabriel can keep on his arm and show off to all his mates, and be proud when he says she is his.
Vicky wants to turn back and say sorry, to go back down to the pier and talk again, like they always do, but it’s too late, and she’s too stubborn. With a heavy heart, she realizes this is potentially the end to her friendship with the one person on this earth that makes her feel whole.
-
Vicky’s nose almost grazes her bedroom wall, her breaths rebounding of it and brushing against her face. She lies still, her body fights the urge of tears and she knows. She is wrong.
-
Gabriel kicks a stone into the gutter with a frown, and ignores the stares he receives from strangers in the street. He feels more alone than ever, and every face is just a cold reminder
of this. He knows. He is wrong.
-
The doorbells ring is a so unexpected that Vicky jerks her shoulders back in surprise, and stares at the front door with a questioning gaze. She makes no indication of movement as she wonders who it could be. It’s prom night, her sister left for prom half an hour ago, and her parents had left to go out for dinner, they had noticed the black cloud above Vicky’s head and knew just to leave her be.
Slowly, Vicky eases into her chair and rolls to the door, opening it with such caution and as the door moves away, it leaves the last thing she is expecting. There is Gabriel, in all his sheepish glory. He leans to the side of the door way, a perfectly fitted tux covers his body with an untied tie hanging limp around his neckline and Vicky can’t help but notice the way the porch light illuminates the golden arc of his curved neck, and he is just perfect. She flushes, she can’t possibly think straight when he arrives on her front door step looking like some piece of art work. Before she can open her mouth, Gabriel intercepts.
“You listen to me, because I’m about to apologize for the first time in years, and I want it to come out perfect.” Vicky closes her mouth and her eyes never leave Gabriel’s. “I am so fucking sorry that I hurt you, I never meant to, I swear! All I wanted was to be with you, because if there is anyone I would stay at a shitty high school prom for, it’s you. You mean more to me than you know, you don’t even know it, but you are helping me find myself. I came across insensitive, I know, but I really didn’t mean it. So, I’m here now, and I’m taking you to prom. And you can’t say no, because I stood in a dodgy tux shop for an hour having pins stuck into places I’m not even going to mention because I wanted to not look so shitty when I stand next you, and I even went into a florist shop to get you these, so you just can’t say no. You just can’t.” Gabriel’s voice breaks on the last word, and Vicky wants to cry again, but this time, it’s a happy kind of tears. She takes the bunch of roses delicately, bringing them to her face to smell their fragrance before looking back up at Gabriel.
There are so many things she wants to say, to apologize for, but Gabriel simply smiles a knowing smile and shakes his head. “Don’t, just go chuck on a dress and let’s do this thing!”
It isn’t perfect, but Vicky’s heart is so full with love, it doesn’t even matter. Her dress is a little out dated, and she doesn’t have any others considering this has been sprung on her, and her hair is a little out of place, but the look that crosses Gabriel’s face when she rolls out of her room makes up for everything. Such admiration, such adoration, and Vicky feels like a princess.
Gabriel mentions in passing how he couldn’t get a taxi or anything due to leaving it to the last minute, but this doesn’t faze Vicky as she prefers to roll along beside him, holding his hand delicately as the stars whisper to each other above them. Already the night feels magical, with Gabriel’s voice in her ears, and his thumb rubbing her hand gently, but she is scared for what could happen when they arrive at the old school gym, which is decked out to look semi-formal.
Gabriel leads Vicky up to the entrance, the low thump of the music spilling out from inside, and turns to her, sending out a comforting smile and squeezing her hand for extra measure.
“Are you ready to do this?” Vicky can only squeak and let out a small nod, she is that nervous. She has no idea how this is going to work, but Gabriel is determined and she knows not to mess with him.
They enter the gym, the ceiling decked with fairy lights and colorful balloons, with food stretching out one whole side of the building and a DJ up the far end, as they slowly make their way to the dance floor.
There is silence. The whole school turns to stare at, to them, the most shocking thing they can imagine. Gabriel Saporta, the Gabriel Saporta, with the cripple? The shocked faces then turn to smirks, knowing he must have some trick up his sleeve to hurt her, why else would he bother with someone like... her?
Vicky is red with embarrassment and wants nothing more than to leave. Gabriel notices her look of utter terror, and pulls her hand toward him, which makes her head turn to focus on his face.
“Don’t worry about them, this is your moment.” Gabriel then shocks everyone again, including Vicky, when he swoops forward and scoops the girl into his arms, as he holds her against his body with her feet dangling just above the ground. Vicky looks stunned, and Gabriel merely smirks with glee.
Vicky relaxes into him, and mumbles into his chest, “Like a baby.”
Gabriel nods stiffly, pushing her closer to stop her upset thoughts, and to remind her he was there. The music turns into a soft, slow melody and Gabriel slowly turns in circles, dancing around the floor without giving two tosses what the rest of the student body thinks. Vicky begins to ignore the stares also, giggling and smiling as Gabriel continues to whirl them around, and suddenly, her dream comes true. It isn’t exact, it isn’t perfect, but she feels gorgeous and she is with the most gorgeous boy she can imagine, inside and out.
The night goes on, the students getting over their shock and continuing with their night, and Vicky and Gabriel have the time of their lives, jiving and shaking to upbeat songs, or moving slowly to soft ballades, either way they both would own massive smiles on their faces. Elizabeth whisks Vicky off at one stage for a bathroom intervention, and they both squeal with delight about Gabriel, and Vicky feels normal. She feels absolutely, one hundred percent, normal.
When the music runs out, and the night grows darker, they leave the dance for the stroll home, hand in hand once more. The pair can’t stop smiling, adrenaline pushing at their veins, and they both radiate a certain happiness that they can only achieve when they are together.
When they arrive at Vicky’s front door, she can’t express her gratitude enough.
“Gabriel, thank you. Thank you for everything, I had the most perfect night, I felt normal. I can’t even explain how much it meant to me and-”
Gabriel leans down, and molds his lips flawlessly to hers, and it’s everything Vicky could ever ask for. Her heart is erratic, jumping in her rib cage, as she sees stars, fireworks and beauty behind her eyelids, and she feels like her body will split at the seams from so much happiness filling her inside. She’s breathless, she’s tired, but she feels perfect.
And Gabriel? He can’t even make sense in his own mind, the kiss is so mind blowing, so perfect, it’s all he can focus on. They both pull away with shy smiles, and it’s settled. They need each other, so much and it is written in the stars.
-
A string of curses fly from Gabriel’s mouth as he jumps up and down on the couch with such determination. Vicky sits beside him, calmly, as she whips his ass at yet another video game.
Gabriel throws the controller to the ground with a huff, and folds his arms. Vicky merely beckons him over to her with a finger, and he can’t fight it. He leans over and she kisses him, so perfectly on the mouth that his former fury is gone, and he is left with this love, warming him inside and out.
-
“You’re staying for dinner right, Gabriel?” Vicky’s mother asks from the doorway for Vicky’s room.
“Yes please, Mrs Asher, that would be lovely,” Gabriel replies and Mrs Asher smiles. Gabriel was almost a permanent fixture around the Asher household now, and he loves it. At home, it feels empty, with his mother working and his older brother moving out months before. As for his father, well he fucked off years ago and Gabriel doesn’t care where his sorry-ass ended up. But here, the Asher’s have structure, they do things at certain times, and they fight, laugh and act like a normal family. Gabriel loves it, he feels a part of it, and Vicky won’t have it any other way.
Gabriel turns to the girl lying beside him, humming softly to herself, and kisses her forehead with a love no one can explain.
-
“Leave me alone!” Vicky screams, slamming the door and wheeling herself back to her room. She heaves herself onto her bed, and pushes her face into the material of the pillow case, soon to be damp with tears. Vicky’s body heaves with grief, her small frame rocking violently and causing her to have difficulty breathing.
It was a mistake, a slip of the tongue, a few words taken the wrong way.
But it’s Gabriel; it isn’t supposed to come from him. She feels almost betrayed, and this only makes her cry harder. Her hands curl into fists and she beats the pillow, screaming bloody murder at her anger at everything.
The door opens, and she screams for them to leave. She thinks it’s her mother, trying to calm her until two large hands scoop her up and pull her into their chest. She screams. She fights. She curses. Then she is limp with fatigue and lets Gabriel hold her. He whispers ‘I’m sorry’ into her skin, like a secret remedy until she falls into a dreamless sleep, with his lips to her temple the entire time.
-
“Your eyes shine brighter than any of these stars.”
“Which shitty Hallmark card did you steal that from?”
“That’s not the point, I mean it.”
“You’re ridiculous. I love you.”
-
Christmas flies by and Gabriel had never had a more eventful one than the one he spent with the Asher’s. The New Year rolls in, and Gabriel and Vicky are stronger than ever. Even the student body has come around, and they even have friends to hang out with at lunch times, and to laugh with over silly things.
It’s nice, it’s golden.
-
“I want to marry you one day, I swear.”
“Good, I’m not letting you get away that easy.”
-
Gabriel walks into Vicky’s room, tears dampening his face, pooling in his sunken cheeks. His eyes are bloodshot, his head a mess, and all he needs is for her to slow it down. Her eyes a fearful when he collapses in her arms, pushing his body against hers as she can only hold his head to her chest and listen to Gabriel grieve, her heart tearing with every sob.
“He’s gone... I didn’t think it would hurt this much...” Words escape from around heaving sobs, and Vicky can only hold him closer until they are pushed together in the middle of Vicky’s single bed.
Vicky whispers prayers and words of love, holds his hand with all her strength to ground him, and peppers kisses over his tanned checks.
“Salty. Like a sea.” Her words are almost silent, and it’s enough to calm Gabriel down until his cries are only loud, labored breathes, and suddenly his bones feel tired, aching, and he thinks he’s drowning.
He drags himself until his head is resting alongside Vicky’s, and their eyes are enthralled by each other. She kisses his nose, a swift movement, and suddenly, the water disappears, the wind stops, and he’s not drowning, he’s fighting.
“I didn’t think I’d miss my brother if he passed, I never thought I cared for him enough,” Gabriel whispers, Vicky’s fingers press into his skin.
“He is your brother, he’s apart of you. But it’s never too late to make up for past mistakes.”
Vicky is right, and Gabriel feels the rays of the evening sun reaching out for him, warming him to the core as he moves closer to her. Suddenly, although grief still racks his body with a whirlwind of despair, he knows what he has to do, to have closure and make up with his brother.
Vicky only nuzzles into his neck, feeling his warmth radiate under her skin, and she smiles, knowing he will make the right decision. He’ll make it through this.
-
Sometimes words aren’t needed. This is one of those times. Vicky holds Gabriel’s head in her lap and strokes her fingers through the curly mess of hair. He pretends to purr, and they both laugh.
Vicky’s mother watches from the kitchen, and her smile grows. Not even she can deny that it’s something pure, genuine, and real.
-
“Gabe? We need to talk.”
Gabriel knows it serious because he has never been called Gabe by Vicky before. They were lying curled up against one another, discussing which movie to watch when Vicky pulls her serious voice out of nowhere.
“About what?” Gabriel’s voice is hoarse; he doesn’t think he can bear the pain of heartbreak, not now, not ever.
“I was at the doctor’s the other day...” Gabriel grips her hand, and fears for the worst because he realizes this is bigger than him.
“... and they started talking to me about this surgery. Nothing’s set yet, but they reckon they can fiddle with the nerves or something and make my legs work again. I didn’t really pay attention to details, but wouldn’t that be amazing!” Vicky trails off, noticing the traces of moisture rising up in Gabriel’s eyes. “Gabe...?”
“How big is the risk?” Gabriel’s voice sounds strange and cold.
“I uh, well...”
“I said, how big is the risk?”
Vicky has never heard Gabriel sound so... unemotional. She is suddenly frightened.
“They said that any surgeries such as this one has a high risk, and that I could possibly endure a spinal fluid leak, or they could screw up my nerves even more, but that isn’t the point! Gabriel, I could be normal again, I could walk!”
Gabriel flings himself away from her, shaking hard from the tears streaming down his face. Vicky has never seen Gabriel so utterly terrified before, not even when he had to make a speech at his brother’s funeral, and it’s terrible.
“Gabe...”
“No! Don’t ‘Gabe’ me! This surgery, it could go wrong! You said it yourself, there is a high risk! I don’t want you to go through with it, please, don’t go through with it! I can’t bear to lose you...”
Vicky is crying too, and she wishes for the words to make this all okay. She understands Gabriel’s concern, she really does, but this is something she has wanted for the longest time.
“I know, Gabriel, I know, but this could be my only chance to be a normal girl again.”
“Bullshit! You are a normal girl, in fact, you’re better than normal! You are beautiful and amazing, and you don’t need to be able to walk to be all of that, because you already are!” Gabriel is shaking now, anger, frustration and hurt firing up inside him.
“Gabe, please! I really want this! And it’s not like I’m going to get up and walk out on you after the surgery!”
“That’s not what I’m afraid of! I’m afraid something might happen, and I will lose my everything.” Gabriel’s voice suddenly goes very quiet. “You’re the only one that can make everything stop spinning so much; you’re what keeps me here. I need you.”
Vicky can hear his heart breaking, just as much as hers is, but this is her one chance for normalcy and she will fight for it if she has to.
“Gabriel, I’m having the surgery, and you can either be there when I go under, or not. You choose.”
Gabriel doesn’t hear anymore after that, because he’s already stormed out of the house, the tears falling quicker than ever.
-
Vicky looks almost translucent in her hospital gown, fragile and scared. Gabriel stands awkwardly at the door, and wonders if she’ll throw a vase at his head for even showing up. Instead, when she sees him, her eyes light up and she radiates a smile, calling him to her without words.
He moves closer and she pats the bed, to which he slowly sits down.
“Hi.”
“Hello.”
Gabriel sighs, and his tongue is paralyzed at the thought of saying something, although he practiced his apology the whole way here. “I was a jerk. I was terrible, I was horrible, and I shouldn’t be allowed in here for the way I treated you.”
Before he can go further, Vicky holds up her hand, still smiling. “That’s doesn’t matter now, you were just scared, I understand. Now come here.”
Vicky outstretches her arms, and Gabriel falls into home. He nestles his head into the curve of her neck, and suddenly he is crying like a baby, sniveling and wetting Vicky’s skin. Vicky cradles Gabriel, rocking him softly and whispering gentle words to calm his heart. They lie like that for hours, it being enough just to be together.
Finally, Vicky cups Gabriel’s face and wipes away the tears from his eyes.
“You’ll be fine, and I’ll be fine. I’m not going anywhere; there is too much to look forward to, including a marriage proposal.” Gabriel laughs through tears, and holds her to him one last time, feeling the contours of her spine bump against his nicotine-stained finger tips, before a nurse appears at the door.
“Miss Asher? It’s time.”
Vicky nods, and kisses Gabriel with all the passion she holds in her body. As she was wheeled away from Gabriel, she smiles her small, knowing smile, and whispers,
“It’s only goodbye for a little while.”
-
Vicky is moments away from being put under, her whole body quivering as she wishes she could have Gabriel’s hand to hold through this, she knows it would make everything seem not so scary.
She waits, counting the painful seconds as they drag on, and her heart does sudden flips of nervousness. A tap on the surgery window pulls all the attention away from her, and the surgical team all begin to ‘aww’ in response. Vicky is helped into a half-sitting position, and when she sees what is waiting for her behind the glass, nothing seems so scary anymore.
Gabriel, face still wet but smiling, holds up a poorly made sign that reads, will you marry me?
Everyone turns to Vicky, her head spinning with impulsivity and love. With tears in her eyes, she smiles and mouths one word. Yes.
-
The words fall from the doctor’s mouth like small pebbles, sinking past Gabriel and getting lost somewhere between confusion and a wishful disbelieving. He doesn’t want to know, he doesn’t want to understand.
Complications... infection... anesthetic... I’m so sorry.
Gabriel runs.
-
Gabriel has never screamed so loud in his life, tears flooding his face as he punches anything that comes in contact with his fists. He throws his head to the sky, curses to anyone up above that happens to be listening and throws his body around with a dangerous recklessness.
“FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU ALL! I FUCKING HATE THIS!”
He runs to the tree where they used to sit and talk for hours, releasing his pocket knife on the two names, with loud, hoarse cries loud enough to break your heart upon hearing.
He runs to the pier, and kicks the bench, his voice still leaving a constant screaming in his ears and all he wants to do is forget everything they had, everything that brings her memory into his mind. His clenched fist splinters the wood, and the loud crack of his bones is deafening.
The pain is nothing to what he feels in his heart, and he sinks to the damp ground, his sobs so violent he can barely breathe.
“You promised me you wouldn’t leave, you fucking promised.”
-
Eventually, darkness throws a towel over the town, and Gabriel’s forehead is still pressed to the rotten wood of the pier, his tears never having a chance to dry before a new lot well up. A hand finds his shoulder, pulling him to his feet and into a crushing hug. Gabriel holds on so tightly, afraid he will drown if he lets go, and his body is robbed of breath by more rib crushing cries of grief.
Mrs Asher holds him, her own tears mixing in with the salty air, and she feels her own pain colliding with Gabriel’s, and she realizes he really loved her daughter. And still does. She pulls his head back and his eyes roll in their sockets with a certain kind of madness.
“Thank you, Gabriel. You brought Vicky a happiness that nobody else could give her. And you stuck by her through everything. I couldn’t ask for anything more than what you did for her.”
“I love her.” Gabriel’s voice is broken, beaten and hoarse, but it’s there. Mrs Asher nods, and pulls him back in as they cry together, mourning for the girl who was sunshine in their eyes.
-
Gabriel tries to speak at Vicky’s funeral, to make everyone understand what Vicky taught him and how much she means to him, but the words stick to his throat, choking him up with accompanied tears, the pain increasing as he remembers all the good things.
Mrs Asher steps forward, grabs his hand and whispers words of encouragement behind her own crystal tears.
“Do it for Vicky, forget everyone else. Let her hear what you have to say.”
Gabriel nods, sniffing childishly before stepping back up to the podium, this time with his head held high, and his heart beating with a determination nobody could deny.
“Vicky, I don’t think I ever said this out loud, but you are the only thing that kept me from giving up. The world seemed like a dark, scary place when I was walking it alone, but as soon as you entered my life, you were the sunshine, frightening off the shadows and leaving only this beautiful, inspiring feeling that there is always something more. You were this little ball of determination, and I had never laid eyes on someone with more life and spirit than what you possessed. You wiggled your way into my life, and changed everything for the better. You’re the only one who knows who I am, who I’m not and who I want to be. You saw a light in me that no one else did, and you changed me from becoming just another deadbeat high school dropout. You saved me. Some people will never experience the feeling of holding their entire world in their arms, but Vicky, you let me have that. I love you, more than I ever thought possible, and I want you to know, I’m not going to give up. You have inspired me to become something, to be someone, and my goal now is to inspire someone else as much as you inspired me. It’s only goodbye for a little while, Vicky, until we meet up again and I can tell all the things I have achieved with your love in my heart and your words in my ears. I love you, Vicky, thank you for everything.”
-
All Gabriel can do is keep breathing.
-
Gabriel did move on, holding his promise to Vicky to become something, someone, and live his life to the absolute full. He never felt another love quite like the one he felt for Vicky, but he found a new love, a new passion for life and even if you ask him now what keeps him going, his eyes shine and his heart speaks for him as he lets you in on the story about a girl, a girl with a love much bigger than herself, the girl that changed his life for the better. He tells you about his girl, Vicky.
Please, just give me a sign, anything.
What Vicky really wants is to discover something amazing. Like the Holy Grail, nestled in the hedges guarding her fence, or some sort of mythical sea creature hiding in the neighbour’s swimming pool.
Just something to tell her that it won’t always be the same. Not always.
-
It hurts to have to listen to her sister’s voice floating up from downstairs, colliding with her ears as if it were intentional. Elizabeth’s voice bubbles in excitement, spilling out from her mouth in a rush, as the words merge together until all Vicky can make out are certain changes of tone, from one squeal to another. She has been invited to the prom by a boy that sat in the back of Vicky’s math class, the one that wears thick-framed glasses and could tell you the what pi was to the last number right off the top of his head, and yet, according to Elizabeth and many other females in Vicky’s year, was oh so gorgeous! Vicky couldn’t find the attraction herself, but this wasn’t what bothered her.
Suddenly bored with the scenery, her fingertips stretch out and brush the smooth metal of the wheel chair, waiting loyally for her as she positions her arms with care and hoists herself into the chair with a small smile of achievement. It is a big thing for her, to have this small amount of independence, which she had lost out everywhere else.
Vicky makes her way down the hall as Elizabeth’s voices continues to narrate her journey, filling in the silence with talk about dress length, hair, makeup, and shoes while her mother hums in appropriate places, as Beth was never one to let anyone else do much talking.
Vicky emerges through the door just as Beth has moved onto corsages, and her mother greets her with a smile and a welcome.
‘Good morning, how are you feeling today? Can I get you anything?’
Vicky begins to hate how everything in her life is tainted with similitude, and it kills her as she repeats her usual answer, comforting her mother into thinking everything is fine from behind a lying smile.
Vicky drifts back and lets her mother and sister continue their discussion, listening to their words glide together in a constant hum. She manages to pull herself into a comfortable lying position on the couch, as her mother offers Beth a ride to the mall in search of this so-called perfect dress. Vicky feels the sudden consuming wave of hurt tide over her, as she knows the offer doesn’t extend further than Beth. And why would it? Poor Vicky, she could never get a date to the prom with her, well, you know, disability.
There is an awkward, almost hostile silence that Vicky projects as her mother hovers by the front door, mouth open to form words before the fear of Vicky’s hard stare forces them back down her throat. Her mother is snapped back into motion by Beth’s yells from the car, and she leaves without a second glance.
Vicky hates this. She hates that things aren’t different, that they aren’t easier. She hates that reality has a cruel way of reminding those who were flawed just how much they weren’t like everyone else. She wishes, over and over that she could just be normal, complete, whole, and not... her. Usually she has a tight grip on her thoughts, knowing that she could be in much worse places, but her anger just throws her head into a hurricane, one where the dust just will not settle.
Vicky lets her head fall back into the arm of the couch, a gentle sigh just grazing past her lips as she closes her eyes, eyelashes lacing with one another, and her lips move softly to the grace of just one more wish before sleep crawls out and takes her victim for the better half of the day.
-
Vicky sits in the back of her English class, and tries to pull at the wires in her brain to conjure up everything she knows about Gabriel. It wasn’t that he has any real role in her life, or any real reason to be on her brain as much as he is, but there is something so different about him, and that is what lured Vicky in.
Gabriel is constantly on the wagging tongues of the gossipers, and has taken a permanent residence in the sole worn out seat out the front of the principal’s office. He is a classic, the jokester, the prankster and the all round bad ass. Not to mention his towering frame, soft brown eyes followed up by that heavy Spanish accentuated voice had the female students turning into squealing morons over that ‘hot Hispanic piece of ass’.
Vicky tries to pick apart what she knows, to dissect what exactly had her so caught up on the idea of him. She’s interrupted by the exact object circling her thoughts, as a ruffled Gabriel, armed with that goofy smile, tumbles through the door and waits for his punishment, something that is becoming routine for him.
“Late again, Mr Saporta, I’m sure you know what to do with this.” Mr Biggs races his pen against the pink slip, before tearing it off and placing it into the outstretched hand of Gabriel.
“Just one more to add to my scrapbook, sir.” Gabriel then turns with the intention of sending a wink at the first female to catch his eye. Vicky happens to tear her eyes away from the reddening face of Mr Biggs to be hit with the wink of Gabriel Saporta, leaving her brain unconnected and suddenly she can’t think of any way to recover.
Oh yes, Gabriel had her before hello.
-
The stone wall Vicky manages to drag herself up against is harsh on her exposed skin but she can’t make herself care enough to do anything to stop it. She feels as if she is sitting on the edge of the earth, and everything is at her feet, passing by for her to watch, but never experience. The taste of life is on her tongue, and it is the sweetest thing she has ever tasted.
The sharp hiss of a lighter brings her back, and she notices a boy leaning against the wall next to her, his skin so flawless her fingers ache to touch. Gabriel brings the now lit fag to his mouth, inhaling deeply, holding it inside his lungs for as long as possible before exhaling became urgent.
The smoke curls, and twists around Vicky’s head, its movements intoxicating as she looks past the smoky haze toward the boy at fault. Before she can trap her tongue between her teeth, her words slip out and catch her in an awkward aftermath.
“Smoking kills, you know. Lung cancer and all that.”
Gabriel is almost taken back by the sound of her voice, the first words she has ever spoken to him. He glances at his cancer stick quickly, flicking ash to the dirt before taking another drag, his eyes far away from where he is.
“Yeah, that’s what they tell me.”
Vicky can’t stop herself, she’s in too deep. “Well, they’re right.”
Gabriel lets out another breath of smoke, before looking down at her. “Dying on my terms, from something I have caused sounds better than dying because of some other fucker.”
Vicky wonders if he is scared of death, but doesn’t ask out loud. Instead she coughs loudly, and Gabriel gives it up, snubbing the cigarette butt on the concrete wall before flicking it to the curb. His eyes trail down her legs, his vision snagging on the wheel chair that was sitting patiently beside her.
“What happened to you?” His question is blunt, no sympathy and no jeering expressions. Vicky isn’t sure how to feel about this, and somewhere inside her, she relishes in the fact he doesn’t condescend her in the way everyone else does.
“Car accident. Messed up my spine, causing my legs to be unresponsive to brain activity.” Vicky makes sure her words aren’t dripping with self-pity or too many details, somehow she knows that Gabriel isn’t the type to get caught up over a sob story.
Gabriel nods, two sharp head movements, before walking away, throwing a ‘see you round’ over his shoulder. Vicky is still watching the space where he used to be when he is gone. She’s hooked, and she doesn’t even know.
-
Weeks roll by, and Vicky still finds herself waiting. The only thing that could make waiting more unbearable, is not knowing quite what you are waiting for, and this feeling has Vicky captured, squirming in anticipation for something that may or may not happen.
Vicky tries to file away this feeling for a later analysis, and turns her attention to rolling through the school corridors to get to class on time. The buzz of her peers floats around her head; snippets of their conversations catch her as she passes by and only fueling fire to the headache already slowly awakening in her left temple with a slow thud. She is so focused on getting to class and blocking out the hum of the students around her, that she fails to see the cruel smirk on a passersby’s face or see his leg jut out of place to deliver a swift kick to the back of her wheel chair.
The colors and faces merge into just a colorful blur, rushing by Vicky’s peripheral vision as she is so taken back that she sits frozen in her wheelchair, stalled hands glued in her lap and unable to do anything that could possibly stop her from a certain injury.
Then, it happens. Although everything speeds past her, the wheel chair still gaining momentum, the whole universe feels like it slows right down, enough for her to see him, to see something in him.
To anyone else watching the scene, it seemed that Gabriel stuck his foot out in ease to collide with and to halt the wheel chair, in order to save himself from being hit with the full force of the girl and her metal trap.
But to Vicky, she sees the truth. Gabriel walks toward the bunch of lockers, in dire need for another fag when he hears the jeering, taunting sounds from further up the hallway. Ears intrigued by the sudden noise, for once not caused by his own action, his eyes search for the reason for this nonsense. It’s her. Fear floods her face as she races down the hallway, eyes trapped in a still body and it was clear to Gabe that this was not something she anticipated. Gabriel knows he isn’t in danger, he is just standing so she will race past him, merely kicking up breeze at his face, but this thought won’t fly with him. He takes one small half step closer into the middle of the corridor, and sticks out one foot, feeling the reaction force as the metal and shoe collide.
The school is silent, waiting. Gabriel looks at the girl, terror and relief, a bittersweet emotion written all over her face, and wishes he is bigger than his reputation to say something to calm her. But he isn’t, so instead, he draws his foot away, and looks down at her through narrow eyes.
“Watch it next time,” He replies gruffly, and walks back down the corridor in jerky mechanical movements, listening as the entire school body lets out the held breath and resumes as normal.
Vicky knows. She sees it written in his eyes that he intended to help her. And for once, she sees a light in someone, and she has a feeling that it will not fade.
-
With all this pent up frustration, all Vicky wants to do is let out one long scream, to let everyone hear what was tearing her up inside. Only the worst part is, nobody will understand her, even if they hang around to see what has upset her in the first place. Vicky realizes that being a teenager in an ignorant world is a dark, terrible thing, and she is scared.
She knows she is in for a detention as soon as she manages to get to class, but she refuses to give into her peers mocking looks and explain her perfectly good reason for being late. She had had trouble in the bathroom with her wheelchair not positioned right and it had taken a while to get back up. She had been told by the school that if something like this occurs, to just explain it to her teacher and she would be excused. But Vicky is too headstrong, and doesn’t want special treatment because of her disability, and would rather keep her mouth shut.
The hallways are almost desolate, with the exception of a steady squeak coming from around the corner. Vicky notes this, and slows down; a strange feeling washes over her as she suddenly interlocks eyes with none other than Gabriel. She feels herself blush, look away and wishes with everything she has that she could say something cute, funny, or just say anything at all.
Gabriel squints at her, soaking up her look of total loss of what to do, and decides to help her out, seeing as there was no one around to witness this.
“Shouldn’t you be in class?” The sound of his voice is Vicky’s swift kick up the ass into reality, and she falls from the trance Gabriel was at fault for. Her brain fumbles for something, anything, to work with.
“Uh, yeah, I should, uh, yeah.” Perfect. She seems like a bigger moron than before! Vicky could kick herself for being so stupid, but that would involve working legs. Her thoughts are bitter, so she tunes back into Gabriel, noticing his lips were moving again.
“Huh. Well, the lesson's halfway over. You wanna come with me?” Gabriel lives his life on a whim, and this is just one more thing to add to it. Vicky goes into shock, not knowing which to be more shocked over, the fact Gabriel just invited her to be seen somewhere with him, or the fact she was about to break school rules and wag, because let’s face it, she is going to say yes.
“Yeah, okay. Where are we going?”
Gabriel lets out the smallest of smiles. “I don’t know, we haven’t got there yet.”
It was then that Vicky knows she would follow him anywhere, well, anywhere that had wheelchair access.
Gabriel accompanies her down the wheelchair ramp and across the school campus, and all that can pass through Vicky’s mind was, what would happen if someone saw us together? Will Gabriel make something up? Or will he admit he is with me?
Vicky knows that the latter isn't very realistic, but it doesn’t hurt too much to dream. They move in silence, crossing hushed roads and passing through deserted parks until Gabriel’s body goes loose, causing him to fall beside a large Oak tree. Vicky slowly makes her way out of her chair, and onto the grass beside Gabriel, and a silent gratitude radiates from her as she is grateful he didn’t try and help, he just lets her do her thing.
Gabriel produces a pocket knife and begins to carve away at the trunk, his hand hiding whatever messages he was writing from Vicky. Vicky begins to feel her self-confidence rise; it seems that just being around Gabriel was enough to draw his over-confident aura towards you.
There are things on her mind, and she just has to know whether they are true or not. She hears so many stories about the boy sitting right beside her, stories of teeth being punched out, broken limbs, and a drug deal that turned ugly. Gabriel is always in the spotlight for one thing or another, and Vicky isn’t quite sure she believes the hype.
“Are you really as bad-ass as everyone makes you out to be?” Vicky’s question causes the scratching noise Gabriel was at fault for to stop, and he peers at her through new eyes. Her face is honest, and he suddenly feels like he could say anything, and she will just listen.
“What do you mean?” Gabriel’s mind isn’t fully in tune with Vicky yet, and he simply says the first thing that pops into his head.
“Well, last week I heard you stabbed a boy in the gut with cafeteria cutlery simply because he refused to get out of your way. Sometimes when I hear things like that, then compare them to you, they don’t quite add up.” Vicky is astonished at how perfectly sound her sentence structures are, and hopes she can keep this up. Gabriel, on the other hand, is trying so hard not to cave and let her in.
Gabriel tries to release an easy smile. “Nah, I just took him out back and pretended to ruffle him up a bit, as long as he promised to pretend I had really let him have it. Can’t let my reputation fall, can I now?”
Gabriel’s eyes are hard, and Vicky sees how much he despises his image, but she also sees how much he needs this image to hide himself away, almost as if to protect himself. Gabriel goes back to his carving, and Vicky thinks in silence.
“I just want to thank you. For stopping me the other day. And don’t pretend you didn’t try and help, I know you did. I just want you to accept my thanks.”
A low grunt forms from Gabriel’s throat, and Vicky smiles, feeling like she has made progress in this weird acquaintanceship.
“What are you carving?” Vicky’s voice pipes up again, and Gabriel moves his hand slightly so that Vicky can lean over and read the words. In messy scratches, both their names lay embedded in the tree trunk and Vicky can’t make sense of it.
“Why?”
“Every seven years our body changes; every cell is replaced. In seven years time, I will come back here and be a completely different person. I want everything to be different when that happens. I want everything to have changed.”
Vicky understands completely, and for the first time in her short life, she feels her heart connect with someone, and it’s a feeling she doesn’t want to ever quit.
-
The signs of change never come, but Vicky stops looking for them now. They don’t matter to her as much as they did. And somehow, this makes her feel lighter, freer, as she doesn’t have to constantly be on the lookout for those signs.
It is a weird friendship, between the school rebel and the disabled girl, but no one makes any comments on this factor purely because no one knows. The pair manages to break away from life to spend a few precious moments with each other in secret, it could be from finding each other in a quiet corridor during class, both holding a hall pass, or hanging around after school, where they can talk for hours until darkness sets in.
Sometimes Vicky wishes they didn’t have to be so hush, hush about them being friends, but she isn’t ready to complain about it, being with Gabriel is the one thing that makes her feel... normal. When he talks to her, he really talks to her, it’s almost like he forgets she’s a cripple, and she loves the feeling. Gabriel won’t admit it, but he is just as fond of Vicky, as she is of him. She is the only one to actually listen, to actually care, and she is the only one to see the real him. She is the first person to see him as a real person, not just a poster boy for shits and giggles.
Vicky’s mother is the first to notice the change in her daughter’s mood. Vicky is no longer doom and gloom; instead, she will smile, laugh and just generally lighten the room with her own happy glow. Despite the fact this makes her mother happier than words can express, to see her daughter shining, it also strikes a fear in her heart. She isn’t stupid, it’s most definitely a boy causing this, and this makes her want to protect her daughter from the heartbreak that will certainly ensure.
Since the accident, all Vicky’s mother wants to do is to hold her daughter and fight off all the bad things that will come, to wipe away tears, blow noses, and be the backbone for her daughter. But like every mother knows, this just isn’t possible and instead, she has to let her daughter figure it out on her own, and only stand on the sideline waiting for the call.
-
“Like this, hold it to your palm.” Gabriel pushes the smooth stone into her hand and she grips her fingers around it, listening to Gabriel’s instructions carefully. When he says to throw it, she flings it into the air until gravity pushes it back down with a heavy plonk into the salty water below. Vicky cringes at her failed attempt at skimming a rock, and Gabriel lets out a light chuckle, dumping his weight onto the bench beside Vicky’s chair, stretching along it with ease.
“Well, at least I don’t have to worry about losing you to an Olympic scout, yeah?” Vicky laughs at the stupid irony, and pokes her tongue out at Gabriel playfully, before casting her eyes back out to sea. She had been to this pier many times before, with her parents, sometimes her sister, but never with Gabriel. The waves had never crashed with such a beautiful intensity, and the salty wind never brushed her skin with such a gentle touch. Gabriel seems to make this place come to life, and Vicky is merely stunned by all this.
Vicky fiddles with the wheels of her chair, rolling back and forth slowly as the pair enjoy their time together in an easy silence. Suddenly, Gabriel does something that shocks the both of them, he extends his arm out toward her, and slips his hand into hers, connecting them together.
Gabriel realizes that he has never needed someone as much as he needs Vicky, she is the only one that can make anything make sense, and he needs her to understand how much her friendship means to him. He doesn’t need to worry, these thoughts, these emotions, flow through him to her, and she smiles, a beautiful smile, and they both feel their hearts grow ten sizes.
-
“So... prom is coming up.” This is Gabriel’s way for asking Vicky to prom, and even he knows it needs some work. Sometimes he feels intimidated around Vicky, with everyone else he can be cocky, self-assured and an asshole, but with Vicky around, he shrinks back into, well, a nice, genuine guy. He feels almost vulnerable without this personality to hide behind. Vicky wishes the rest of the world could see this Gabriel, see through his thick shell, but there is also another part of her, that is selfishly happy she is the only one to see him in this light.
Vicky makes no attempt to answer Gabriel, keeping her head to the pavement as they both slowly head in the direction of home, with no real intention of getting there anytime soon. Of course Vicky knows it’s nearly prom, a week and two days to be exact. Vicky had only dreamed of dancing with a gorgeous boy in a gorgeous dress as far back as her memories go, and behind her eyelids, the word prom is flashing like a neon sign, reminding her that this is one more thing she is missing out on because of the accident. It hurts, especially with her sister running around in a frenzy to get everything perfect for her night, even though she gets to have her own prom with her friends next year, but Vicky will never let on.
“So it is,” Vicky finally mumbles, the silence between them stretching further again. Gabriel was hoping she would make this easy for him and just say yes, she’d love to go with him. He wants nothing more than to enter prom with his hand in hers and show the entire school the diamond he found under the rough.
“So, I was thinking maybe we could... go together? Y’know, it won’t be such a drag with good company.” Gabriel’s palms were sweating lakes by now, why is this so hard? He was Gabriel fucking Saporta, cool, confident and... just a facade. That part of him isn’t even real. This is a crushing reality check for Gabriel, when he realizes that his image, his reputation, wasn’t worth shit and it didn’t matter now. Everything he thought he was is nothing. This is scary beyond belief, but Gabriel doesn’t want to admit what Vicky already knows.
Vicky held bitter tears in her eyes, anger welling up inside her as she felt the hurt back all the words she was about to say. Before she can open her mouth to let Gabriel have it, Gabriel looks down and notices the hurt written boldly across Vicky’s face and he immediately knows he’s done something wrong.
“Hey, what’s with the tears?” Gabriel wishes his voice sounds playful and caring, relaxed, but it comes out strained and almost ignorant. Vicky balls her fingers into fists and pushes them to her face, hiding from Gabriel.
“How d’you expect me to dance at a prom without working legs?” She mumbles into her fist, the fury underlining each word perfectly. Gabriel was a little taken back; he wasn’t really one to think that far ahead. All he wants is to be with her, at this stupid prom.
“I- I just thought that... I, uh, well...”
“You didn’t think. Take someone else, some pretty little thing that can dance with you and twitch her little butt all pretty-like for you. Someone who can live up to your reputation.” Vicky tries her best to speed off down the path, and she knows that if Gabriel wants to, he can easily extend his long legs and catch her. But he doesn’t, he is frozen to the core with her ice cold words.
Somewhere in the back of Vicky’s mind, the calm, more reasonable part, there is a voice telling her how wrong it is for her to say such things. All Gabriel is asking is for her to go to prom with him, to be seen with him, which is what she has been wishing for for a long time. But... she is disappointed, angry, but not with Gabriel, herself. She wishes she is good enough to be seen with Gabriel, but she knows deep down that she is never going to be a pretty little doll with long legs and sexy little smile that Gabriel can keep on his arm and show off to all his mates, and be proud when he says she is his.
Vicky wants to turn back and say sorry, to go back down to the pier and talk again, like they always do, but it’s too late, and she’s too stubborn. With a heavy heart, she realizes this is potentially the end to her friendship with the one person on this earth that makes her feel whole.
-
Vicky’s nose almost grazes her bedroom wall, her breaths rebounding of it and brushing against her face. She lies still, her body fights the urge of tears and she knows. She is wrong.
-
Gabriel kicks a stone into the gutter with a frown, and ignores the stares he receives from strangers in the street. He feels more alone than ever, and every face is just a cold reminder
of this. He knows. He is wrong.
-
The doorbells ring is a so unexpected that Vicky jerks her shoulders back in surprise, and stares at the front door with a questioning gaze. She makes no indication of movement as she wonders who it could be. It’s prom night, her sister left for prom half an hour ago, and her parents had left to go out for dinner, they had noticed the black cloud above Vicky’s head and knew just to leave her be.
Slowly, Vicky eases into her chair and rolls to the door, opening it with such caution and as the door moves away, it leaves the last thing she is expecting. There is Gabriel, in all his sheepish glory. He leans to the side of the door way, a perfectly fitted tux covers his body with an untied tie hanging limp around his neckline and Vicky can’t help but notice the way the porch light illuminates the golden arc of his curved neck, and he is just perfect. She flushes, she can’t possibly think straight when he arrives on her front door step looking like some piece of art work. Before she can open her mouth, Gabriel intercepts.
“You listen to me, because I’m about to apologize for the first time in years, and I want it to come out perfect.” Vicky closes her mouth and her eyes never leave Gabriel’s. “I am so fucking sorry that I hurt you, I never meant to, I swear! All I wanted was to be with you, because if there is anyone I would stay at a shitty high school prom for, it’s you. You mean more to me than you know, you don’t even know it, but you are helping me find myself. I came across insensitive, I know, but I really didn’t mean it. So, I’m here now, and I’m taking you to prom. And you can’t say no, because I stood in a dodgy tux shop for an hour having pins stuck into places I’m not even going to mention because I wanted to not look so shitty when I stand next you, and I even went into a florist shop to get you these, so you just can’t say no. You just can’t.” Gabriel’s voice breaks on the last word, and Vicky wants to cry again, but this time, it’s a happy kind of tears. She takes the bunch of roses delicately, bringing them to her face to smell their fragrance before looking back up at Gabriel.
There are so many things she wants to say, to apologize for, but Gabriel simply smiles a knowing smile and shakes his head. “Don’t, just go chuck on a dress and let’s do this thing!”
It isn’t perfect, but Vicky’s heart is so full with love, it doesn’t even matter. Her dress is a little out dated, and she doesn’t have any others considering this has been sprung on her, and her hair is a little out of place, but the look that crosses Gabriel’s face when she rolls out of her room makes up for everything. Such admiration, such adoration, and Vicky feels like a princess.
Gabriel mentions in passing how he couldn’t get a taxi or anything due to leaving it to the last minute, but this doesn’t faze Vicky as she prefers to roll along beside him, holding his hand delicately as the stars whisper to each other above them. Already the night feels magical, with Gabriel’s voice in her ears, and his thumb rubbing her hand gently, but she is scared for what could happen when they arrive at the old school gym, which is decked out to look semi-formal.
Gabriel leads Vicky up to the entrance, the low thump of the music spilling out from inside, and turns to her, sending out a comforting smile and squeezing her hand for extra measure.
“Are you ready to do this?” Vicky can only squeak and let out a small nod, she is that nervous. She has no idea how this is going to work, but Gabriel is determined and she knows not to mess with him.
They enter the gym, the ceiling decked with fairy lights and colorful balloons, with food stretching out one whole side of the building and a DJ up the far end, as they slowly make their way to the dance floor.
There is silence. The whole school turns to stare at, to them, the most shocking thing they can imagine. Gabriel Saporta, the Gabriel Saporta, with the cripple? The shocked faces then turn to smirks, knowing he must have some trick up his sleeve to hurt her, why else would he bother with someone like... her?
Vicky is red with embarrassment and wants nothing more than to leave. Gabriel notices her look of utter terror, and pulls her hand toward him, which makes her head turn to focus on his face.
“Don’t worry about them, this is your moment.” Gabriel then shocks everyone again, including Vicky, when he swoops forward and scoops the girl into his arms, as he holds her against his body with her feet dangling just above the ground. Vicky looks stunned, and Gabriel merely smirks with glee.
Vicky relaxes into him, and mumbles into his chest, “Like a baby.”
Gabriel nods stiffly, pushing her closer to stop her upset thoughts, and to remind her he was there. The music turns into a soft, slow melody and Gabriel slowly turns in circles, dancing around the floor without giving two tosses what the rest of the student body thinks. Vicky begins to ignore the stares also, giggling and smiling as Gabriel continues to whirl them around, and suddenly, her dream comes true. It isn’t exact, it isn’t perfect, but she feels gorgeous and she is with the most gorgeous boy she can imagine, inside and out.
The night goes on, the students getting over their shock and continuing with their night, and Vicky and Gabriel have the time of their lives, jiving and shaking to upbeat songs, or moving slowly to soft ballades, either way they both would own massive smiles on their faces. Elizabeth whisks Vicky off at one stage for a bathroom intervention, and they both squeal with delight about Gabriel, and Vicky feels normal. She feels absolutely, one hundred percent, normal.
When the music runs out, and the night grows darker, they leave the dance for the stroll home, hand in hand once more. The pair can’t stop smiling, adrenaline pushing at their veins, and they both radiate a certain happiness that they can only achieve when they are together.
When they arrive at Vicky’s front door, she can’t express her gratitude enough.
“Gabriel, thank you. Thank you for everything, I had the most perfect night, I felt normal. I can’t even explain how much it meant to me and-”
Gabriel leans down, and molds his lips flawlessly to hers, and it’s everything Vicky could ever ask for. Her heart is erratic, jumping in her rib cage, as she sees stars, fireworks and beauty behind her eyelids, and she feels like her body will split at the seams from so much happiness filling her inside. She’s breathless, she’s tired, but she feels perfect.
And Gabriel? He can’t even make sense in his own mind, the kiss is so mind blowing, so perfect, it’s all he can focus on. They both pull away with shy smiles, and it’s settled. They need each other, so much and it is written in the stars.
-
A string of curses fly from Gabriel’s mouth as he jumps up and down on the couch with such determination. Vicky sits beside him, calmly, as she whips his ass at yet another video game.
Gabriel throws the controller to the ground with a huff, and folds his arms. Vicky merely beckons him over to her with a finger, and he can’t fight it. He leans over and she kisses him, so perfectly on the mouth that his former fury is gone, and he is left with this love, warming him inside and out.
-
“You’re staying for dinner right, Gabriel?” Vicky’s mother asks from the doorway for Vicky’s room.
“Yes please, Mrs Asher, that would be lovely,” Gabriel replies and Mrs Asher smiles. Gabriel was almost a permanent fixture around the Asher household now, and he loves it. At home, it feels empty, with his mother working and his older brother moving out months before. As for his father, well he fucked off years ago and Gabriel doesn’t care where his sorry-ass ended up. But here, the Asher’s have structure, they do things at certain times, and they fight, laugh and act like a normal family. Gabriel loves it, he feels a part of it, and Vicky won’t have it any other way.
Gabriel turns to the girl lying beside him, humming softly to herself, and kisses her forehead with a love no one can explain.
-
“Leave me alone!” Vicky screams, slamming the door and wheeling herself back to her room. She heaves herself onto her bed, and pushes her face into the material of the pillow case, soon to be damp with tears. Vicky’s body heaves with grief, her small frame rocking violently and causing her to have difficulty breathing.
It was a mistake, a slip of the tongue, a few words taken the wrong way.
But it’s Gabriel; it isn’t supposed to come from him. She feels almost betrayed, and this only makes her cry harder. Her hands curl into fists and she beats the pillow, screaming bloody murder at her anger at everything.
The door opens, and she screams for them to leave. She thinks it’s her mother, trying to calm her until two large hands scoop her up and pull her into their chest. She screams. She fights. She curses. Then she is limp with fatigue and lets Gabriel hold her. He whispers ‘I’m sorry’ into her skin, like a secret remedy until she falls into a dreamless sleep, with his lips to her temple the entire time.
-
“Your eyes shine brighter than any of these stars.”
“Which shitty Hallmark card did you steal that from?”
“That’s not the point, I mean it.”
“You’re ridiculous. I love you.”
-
Christmas flies by and Gabriel had never had a more eventful one than the one he spent with the Asher’s. The New Year rolls in, and Gabriel and Vicky are stronger than ever. Even the student body has come around, and they even have friends to hang out with at lunch times, and to laugh with over silly things.
It’s nice, it’s golden.
-
“I want to marry you one day, I swear.”
“Good, I’m not letting you get away that easy.”
-
Gabriel walks into Vicky’s room, tears dampening his face, pooling in his sunken cheeks. His eyes are bloodshot, his head a mess, and all he needs is for her to slow it down. Her eyes a fearful when he collapses in her arms, pushing his body against hers as she can only hold his head to her chest and listen to Gabriel grieve, her heart tearing with every sob.
“He’s gone... I didn’t think it would hurt this much...” Words escape from around heaving sobs, and Vicky can only hold him closer until they are pushed together in the middle of Vicky’s single bed.
Vicky whispers prayers and words of love, holds his hand with all her strength to ground him, and peppers kisses over his tanned checks.
“Salty. Like a sea.” Her words are almost silent, and it’s enough to calm Gabriel down until his cries are only loud, labored breathes, and suddenly his bones feel tired, aching, and he thinks he’s drowning.
He drags himself until his head is resting alongside Vicky’s, and their eyes are enthralled by each other. She kisses his nose, a swift movement, and suddenly, the water disappears, the wind stops, and he’s not drowning, he’s fighting.
“I didn’t think I’d miss my brother if he passed, I never thought I cared for him enough,” Gabriel whispers, Vicky’s fingers press into his skin.
“He is your brother, he’s apart of you. But it’s never too late to make up for past mistakes.”
Vicky is right, and Gabriel feels the rays of the evening sun reaching out for him, warming him to the core as he moves closer to her. Suddenly, although grief still racks his body with a whirlwind of despair, he knows what he has to do, to have closure and make up with his brother.
Vicky only nuzzles into his neck, feeling his warmth radiate under her skin, and she smiles, knowing he will make the right decision. He’ll make it through this.
-
Sometimes words aren’t needed. This is one of those times. Vicky holds Gabriel’s head in her lap and strokes her fingers through the curly mess of hair. He pretends to purr, and they both laugh.
Vicky’s mother watches from the kitchen, and her smile grows. Not even she can deny that it’s something pure, genuine, and real.
-
“Gabe? We need to talk.”
Gabriel knows it serious because he has never been called Gabe by Vicky before. They were lying curled up against one another, discussing which movie to watch when Vicky pulls her serious voice out of nowhere.
“About what?” Gabriel’s voice is hoarse; he doesn’t think he can bear the pain of heartbreak, not now, not ever.
“I was at the doctor’s the other day...” Gabriel grips her hand, and fears for the worst because he realizes this is bigger than him.
“... and they started talking to me about this surgery. Nothing’s set yet, but they reckon they can fiddle with the nerves or something and make my legs work again. I didn’t really pay attention to details, but wouldn’t that be amazing!” Vicky trails off, noticing the traces of moisture rising up in Gabriel’s eyes. “Gabe...?”
“How big is the risk?” Gabriel’s voice sounds strange and cold.
“I uh, well...”
“I said, how big is the risk?”
Vicky has never heard Gabriel sound so... unemotional. She is suddenly frightened.
“They said that any surgeries such as this one has a high risk, and that I could possibly endure a spinal fluid leak, or they could screw up my nerves even more, but that isn’t the point! Gabriel, I could be normal again, I could walk!”
Gabriel flings himself away from her, shaking hard from the tears streaming down his face. Vicky has never seen Gabriel so utterly terrified before, not even when he had to make a speech at his brother’s funeral, and it’s terrible.
“Gabe...”
“No! Don’t ‘Gabe’ me! This surgery, it could go wrong! You said it yourself, there is a high risk! I don’t want you to go through with it, please, don’t go through with it! I can’t bear to lose you...”
Vicky is crying too, and she wishes for the words to make this all okay. She understands Gabriel’s concern, she really does, but this is something she has wanted for the longest time.
“I know, Gabriel, I know, but this could be my only chance to be a normal girl again.”
“Bullshit! You are a normal girl, in fact, you’re better than normal! You are beautiful and amazing, and you don’t need to be able to walk to be all of that, because you already are!” Gabriel is shaking now, anger, frustration and hurt firing up inside him.
“Gabe, please! I really want this! And it’s not like I’m going to get up and walk out on you after the surgery!”
“That’s not what I’m afraid of! I’m afraid something might happen, and I will lose my everything.” Gabriel’s voice suddenly goes very quiet. “You’re the only one that can make everything stop spinning so much; you’re what keeps me here. I need you.”
Vicky can hear his heart breaking, just as much as hers is, but this is her one chance for normalcy and she will fight for it if she has to.
“Gabriel, I’m having the surgery, and you can either be there when I go under, or not. You choose.”
Gabriel doesn’t hear anymore after that, because he’s already stormed out of the house, the tears falling quicker than ever.
-
Vicky looks almost translucent in her hospital gown, fragile and scared. Gabriel stands awkwardly at the door, and wonders if she’ll throw a vase at his head for even showing up. Instead, when she sees him, her eyes light up and she radiates a smile, calling him to her without words.
He moves closer and she pats the bed, to which he slowly sits down.
“Hi.”
“Hello.”
Gabriel sighs, and his tongue is paralyzed at the thought of saying something, although he practiced his apology the whole way here. “I was a jerk. I was terrible, I was horrible, and I shouldn’t be allowed in here for the way I treated you.”
Before he can go further, Vicky holds up her hand, still smiling. “That’s doesn’t matter now, you were just scared, I understand. Now come here.”
Vicky outstretches her arms, and Gabriel falls into home. He nestles his head into the curve of her neck, and suddenly he is crying like a baby, sniveling and wetting Vicky’s skin. Vicky cradles Gabriel, rocking him softly and whispering gentle words to calm his heart. They lie like that for hours, it being enough just to be together.
Finally, Vicky cups Gabriel’s face and wipes away the tears from his eyes.
“You’ll be fine, and I’ll be fine. I’m not going anywhere; there is too much to look forward to, including a marriage proposal.” Gabriel laughs through tears, and holds her to him one last time, feeling the contours of her spine bump against his nicotine-stained finger tips, before a nurse appears at the door.
“Miss Asher? It’s time.”
Vicky nods, and kisses Gabriel with all the passion she holds in her body. As she was wheeled away from Gabriel, she smiles her small, knowing smile, and whispers,
“It’s only goodbye for a little while.”
-
Vicky is moments away from being put under, her whole body quivering as she wishes she could have Gabriel’s hand to hold through this, she knows it would make everything seem not so scary.
She waits, counting the painful seconds as they drag on, and her heart does sudden flips of nervousness. A tap on the surgery window pulls all the attention away from her, and the surgical team all begin to ‘aww’ in response. Vicky is helped into a half-sitting position, and when she sees what is waiting for her behind the glass, nothing seems so scary anymore.
Gabriel, face still wet but smiling, holds up a poorly made sign that reads, will you marry me?
Everyone turns to Vicky, her head spinning with impulsivity and love. With tears in her eyes, she smiles and mouths one word. Yes.
-
The words fall from the doctor’s mouth like small pebbles, sinking past Gabriel and getting lost somewhere between confusion and a wishful disbelieving. He doesn’t want to know, he doesn’t want to understand.
Complications... infection... anesthetic... I’m so sorry.
Gabriel runs.
-
Gabriel has never screamed so loud in his life, tears flooding his face as he punches anything that comes in contact with his fists. He throws his head to the sky, curses to anyone up above that happens to be listening and throws his body around with a dangerous recklessness.
“FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU ALL! I FUCKING HATE THIS!”
He runs to the tree where they used to sit and talk for hours, releasing his pocket knife on the two names, with loud, hoarse cries loud enough to break your heart upon hearing.
He runs to the pier, and kicks the bench, his voice still leaving a constant screaming in his ears and all he wants to do is forget everything they had, everything that brings her memory into his mind. His clenched fist splinters the wood, and the loud crack of his bones is deafening.
The pain is nothing to what he feels in his heart, and he sinks to the damp ground, his sobs so violent he can barely breathe.
“You promised me you wouldn’t leave, you fucking promised.”
-
Eventually, darkness throws a towel over the town, and Gabriel’s forehead is still pressed to the rotten wood of the pier, his tears never having a chance to dry before a new lot well up. A hand finds his shoulder, pulling him to his feet and into a crushing hug. Gabriel holds on so tightly, afraid he will drown if he lets go, and his body is robbed of breath by more rib crushing cries of grief.
Mrs Asher holds him, her own tears mixing in with the salty air, and she feels her own pain colliding with Gabriel’s, and she realizes he really loved her daughter. And still does. She pulls his head back and his eyes roll in their sockets with a certain kind of madness.
“Thank you, Gabriel. You brought Vicky a happiness that nobody else could give her. And you stuck by her through everything. I couldn’t ask for anything more than what you did for her.”
“I love her.” Gabriel’s voice is broken, beaten and hoarse, but it’s there. Mrs Asher nods, and pulls him back in as they cry together, mourning for the girl who was sunshine in their eyes.
-
Gabriel tries to speak at Vicky’s funeral, to make everyone understand what Vicky taught him and how much she means to him, but the words stick to his throat, choking him up with accompanied tears, the pain increasing as he remembers all the good things.
Mrs Asher steps forward, grabs his hand and whispers words of encouragement behind her own crystal tears.
“Do it for Vicky, forget everyone else. Let her hear what you have to say.”
Gabriel nods, sniffing childishly before stepping back up to the podium, this time with his head held high, and his heart beating with a determination nobody could deny.
“Vicky, I don’t think I ever said this out loud, but you are the only thing that kept me from giving up. The world seemed like a dark, scary place when I was walking it alone, but as soon as you entered my life, you were the sunshine, frightening off the shadows and leaving only this beautiful, inspiring feeling that there is always something more. You were this little ball of determination, and I had never laid eyes on someone with more life and spirit than what you possessed. You wiggled your way into my life, and changed everything for the better. You’re the only one who knows who I am, who I’m not and who I want to be. You saw a light in me that no one else did, and you changed me from becoming just another deadbeat high school dropout. You saved me. Some people will never experience the feeling of holding their entire world in their arms, but Vicky, you let me have that. I love you, more than I ever thought possible, and I want you to know, I’m not going to give up. You have inspired me to become something, to be someone, and my goal now is to inspire someone else as much as you inspired me. It’s only goodbye for a little while, Vicky, until we meet up again and I can tell all the things I have achieved with your love in my heart and your words in my ears. I love you, Vicky, thank you for everything.”
-
All Gabriel can do is keep breathing.
-
Gabriel did move on, holding his promise to Vicky to become something, someone, and live his life to the absolute full. He never felt another love quite like the one he felt for Vicky, but he found a new love, a new passion for life and even if you ask him now what keeps him going, his eyes shine and his heart speaks for him as he lets you in on the story about a girl, a girl with a love much bigger than herself, the girl that changed his life for the better. He tells you about his girl, Vicky.
♠ ♠ ♠
So... yeah. This was my first time writing in present tense. It was weird.Hope you enjoyed it. x