Electric Shocks on Aching Bones. - Comments

stuff youuu woman - you made me cry :'(
but i really went through a massive wave of emotions
amazingg

dude i just feel like my life is empty and complete all at once.

I want this to be a movie, like now!

I'm speechless. At first, when I heard it was between us for first place I was like "psshh whatever mine is so much better." But then I actually read it. I think you deserve first no doubt. Mine is nothing like this. Stop by and read mine and tell me what yo think.

ps. i think i just got my started on a need for more vicky-t fic.

This is absolutley beautiful. I'm telling everybody I know about it, and making them all read it.

I was crying by the end, I could really feel the emotion. Not many writers can manage that, and it's really easy to tell how much Vicky and Gabe need each other.

I'm in that contest too, but if you place with this - God knows you deserve to - and I don't, I won't care because this is stunning.

I'll leave it here because nothing I can say will justify how much I love this.

Okay, seriously, I am going to be extremely surprised if this doesn't at least place in the contest. Hey, maybe it'll come second again, what with that pattern you seem to have going on lately? -elbownudge- But I definitely reckon you could get first. -dreamy sigh- The whole thing was ahhhhhmazing. (And I know I need new adjectives, but sorry, this comment will be filled with the same-old-same-old adjectives I always use. It's not my fault alright, I just find it difficult to form coherent (let alone elaborate) sentences.)

Yes. I just did a bracket inside a bracket. I DON'T THINK I'VE DONE THAT BEFORE. -pops champagne-

Now, onto the comment!

Firstly: the summary. I like it, it looks all intriguing. And I have to admit, those hearts are awesome. :tehe: Damn you, with all your cool summaries.

I know you said the story was cliche when you were explaining it to me in maths, but I really think you make it work. Those cliches can be good when you use them, twist them a little and write them well. And you wrote it fantastic, trust me. :cheese: And that was horrible grammar, but shh, just ignore that. Fantastically just looks weird.

I only stopped once while reading, and I really didn't want to... but you know. The Young Ones was on. And well, it's actually really difficult to concentrate on two things at the same time, I've learnt. Especially with Rick spazzin' it up and making stiffy jokes and announcing to a vampire from Johannesburg that he's "horrible and covered in acne, eat Neil, he's strawberry flavoured!"

So yeah, I didn't want to, but the second it was over I went straight back to reading, and trust me, I didn't stop after that. I probably couldn't, even if I wanted to. I mean, it can only be described with Mibba emoticons.

Like this:

:cheese: :cheese: :tehe: :grr:

^ The last two were where you KILLED HER by the way. And there were a few other ones throughout, but yeah, these were the main ones.

Ahh, finding it hard to get down articulate thoughts! Okay, maybe I should actually do this in order, otherwise I'm just gonna be totally all over the place.

Okay. So. The beginning. I enjoyed the whole introduction, it's calming and I think it divulges a bit of her character already. I especially liked this line:

Just something to tell her that it won’t always be the same. Not always.

I don't know what it is about it, but it ties in with the whole segment, concludes it nicely -- kind of grabs the whole story quite nicely, really.

And while I'm thinking about it, I actually quite like all the time lapses. I mean, they were required, because the story isn't one constant flow at one point of time. It's lots of different bits and pieces combined, and it's just right like that, you know? Well. Yeah, you probably would, considering you wrote it.

:tehe: Ahem, sorry.

Gabe and Vicky just seem meant for each other. I mean, they're different in every which way, but it's like they both alter to fit together. But it's not altering, because it's who they really are. More like shedding off extra skin to reveal what they're supposed to be. Yeah, I don't know. -headdesk- They're just really really REALLY cute, okay?

And you write an awesome badass Gabe, I must say. I love all those scandals he's got going on. Or, well, supposedly got going on. Oh please, Gabe, we all know you're a big softie. :hand:

You know one of the things I like best? (Though there's really a lot of things, heh.) They both have faults. They both do stupid things, like overreacting, and saying idiotic things without thinking about them. It's not easeless, it's just how things are. People do stupid things sometimes.

Also, Gabe seems to be a pretty sore loser when it comes to video games. :tehe:

I love the little dialogue segments! See, this is why I adore those time lapses. They just add to the atmosphere of the story. And of course, they make me go, "Awwwwww!"

His eyes are bloodshot, his head a mess, and all he needs is for her to slow it down.

Hmm, there's something about this line I really liked. I think because it's simple, but gets everything. I especially liked the 'his head a mess' part.

I don't get why she couldn't just listen to him and not have the surgery! :grr: Okay, I do understand why, but I wish they could've ended up all nice and happy. It makes it suck even more, because he was all, "oh hey, um, I don't want you to die." And then she DID. And it was like, dude, no! You can't DO that!

And that is the cutest little proposal ever. They need that on an episode of House. ... Except not, because he'd probably ruin the moment. So yeah, let's just keep it here. But really, awwww!

The end is really sad, so I'm just gonna brush over that and say DAMN YOU. I think that having Gabe and Vicky's mum come together at the end was sweet though, because they both loved her and missed her. And yeah, that was probably just really good for the both of them.

I'm glad you summed up Gabe's later life, and that he did find another love, because I guess that is the reality of the matter. But it's good that she had such an affect on him. Especially since you said 'his girl'.

... Damn you, I loved it.

That ws really, really sad., but I loved it anyways because it was long and there were enough happy parts to make up for the sadness. You did an amzing job on the topic. Good Luck.

Fuck you.

comment when i'm not so fucking mad at you. ugh.