Are You Comfortable With This?

I went to Brendon’s at eleven the next morning, as I promised the previous evening.

Trudging up the stairs to his apartment slowly, my hear beat frantically against the solid confides of my chest. I swallowed as much as I could; trying to get the thick lump to move from the back of my throat, thought it didn’t seem to work.

Why was I nervous? I have no idea.

I mean, Brendon is my best friend, and he has been for as long as I can remember. I know that I was scared to walk in and see Sophie with him, despite the amount of girlfriends I’d seen Brendon with before. I tried to ignore the distinct pang of jealousy that arose in my stomach at the thought of her.

I bought my clenched fist up to knock softly on the door, trying my best to brush off the intense beating that currently seemed to be reverberating throughout my whole body. I didn’t fully understand why I was reacting in this way, but I didn’t have much time to think about it, as his frail form appeared just seconds later.

A huge grin broke out across his face as his eyes met mine. His smile was so bright and contagious it was like the corners of my mouth had no choice but to curl upwards into a warm smile.

Without any signs of hesitation, Brendon stepped forward, wrapping his lanky arms around my waist and pulling me into him. My smile only grew as I snaked my arms around his neck, and my previous apprehension was immediately forgotten.

The fingers of my left hand naturally curled into his soft-to-the-touch hair, and I breathed in his oh-so-familiar scent. As his aroma hit my nostrils, I was instantly comforted. It seemed I almost forgot how much he meant to be before now; his significance just centimetres away from my reach.

We stayed liked that forever, although it still didn’t seem long enough. He sighed lightly, gently removing himself from my arms. I dropped my arms to my side as he looked down at me warmly before I smiled lightly and reached up to brush back his fringe.

Seeing me and Brendon behave in this way, the passer-by would probably innocently assumed out loving displays on affection to be something worth a lot more than friendship. By simply glancing in our direction, you would immediately mistake two best friends to be two happily married lovers.

People are often shocked when I reveal to them that Brendon and I are in-fact just friends. I mean, there is no denying that what we share is something more than friendship – but that’s exactly what we are. Purely and simply, two friends that happened to enjoy each others touch perhaps slightly more than any other friends. We have been friends forever, after all.

“How are you?” Brendon asked, his large, calloused hand reaching out to graze the soft skin of my arm. I smiled at the sound of his voice and the feel of his touch as sparks flew at the simple contact. I still enjoyed the sound of his voice despite it sounding slightly hoarse and strained – abused, almost.

“I’m good. How are you doing, Bren?” I asked, tilting my head with intent. I knew my voice was dripping with concern. I wanted so badly for him to flash his gleaming white teeth at me in a grin before nodding madly, and exclaiming about his well being. Instead, though, he shrugged as his eyebrows furrowed slightly, and a soft sigh escaped his plump lips.

“I guess I’m okay…” He answered, trailing off. I nodded sharply once, before looking down to my feet.

I heard him sigh from in front of me, as his hand slowly rubbed my arm – he was comforting me. This almost made me feel bad. He was the one who had to deal with all this first hand, the withdrawal symptoms eating away at him every day, throwing up and having to handle so many other side-effects, and he was comforting me?

Instantly, I tried my best to gain back my composure. Squeezing my eyes shut, I drew in and released several deep breaths, before looking up and into his eyes. He offered me a small smile, to which I returned.

“So,” he said, slicing easily though the silence that had built up between us both. “Wanna grab some coffee?” He asked me. A genuine smile washed over my face, as I nodded.

“I would love to.” I said, and he nodded, smiling before slipping his feet into his sneakers and pushing his arms through a hoody that was conveniently hanging off of the inside door handle.

“Then let’s go.” He said simply, closing his door so it clicked shut behind him. He turned around to face me with a smile on his face, before offering my and outstretched hand. Without even a second though, I slipped my fingers through his and he led me downstairs, giving my hand the occasional squeeze as we walked together.

We walked together in a comfortable silence, simply content with being in each others company. I loved the way his hand felt in mine, the way they fit so easily into one another, as if they were meant for each other.

---

I pushed the coffee-shop door open slowly, and as soon a I stepped inside, the strong scent of coffee almost knocked me off my feet and into Brendon’s arms. As much as I liked the idea of being in Brendon’s arms, I quickly shook out of it and walked forward to the counter, the afore-mentioned man hot on my heels. We silently decided against Starbucks, but I was in no way complaining. Instead, we found a sweet little shop called ‘The Worlds Best Coffee’. When we both chuckled at the irony of the name, Brendon and I quickly scurried through the door, suddenly in dire need of coffee.

“I’ll just go for a regular, please” I said to the middle-aged woman behind the counter. She smiled sweetly at me, confirming my order before turning to the man currently standing next to me and clutching onto my hand.

“And for you, sir?” She queried as he looked over the menu.

“Uhm, same, I guess” he replied, smiling as he met her gaze. She smiled, nodding and charging is for our orders. I paid for the both of us, with much protest from Brendon. I simply ignored him, grabbing my drink and turning around. He quickly followed, and he took a seat in the corner of the small coffee shop.

As soon as I sat down, I bought the thick, steamy liquid to my lips, loving the way the bitter liquid felt and tasted against my tongue, before sighing as the substance slipped down my throat.

Brendon watched with intent as I did so, a soft smile on his lips as he rested his chin in the palm of his hand. I looked up from the brown liquid to meet his gaze, and he grinned at me.

“What?” I asked, my smile growing to match his. At this question, his gaze intensified, and he reached out to grab my hand in his, rubbing the back of my hand softly with his thumb.
]
“You just look beautiful, that’s all” He whispered softly, and my eyes double in size as the words left his lips. I felt my cheeks heat up as a blush rose up from my neck, and I was sure I resembled that of a tomato.

His stare didn’t leave my face, though, and he continued to look me over, almost reluctant, it seemed, to remove his gaze from my face. Intrigue was painted all over his face as he watched me. I was unsure as to why, though. I was as interesting as normal, if not slightly less interesting, seeing as I wasn’t even saying anything.

Keeping his eyes on my face, he shifted his chair so he was sat next to me rather than opposite me. He reached up to delicately brush a few strands of hair behind my ear. “Do you realise that?” He whispered, so quiet it was almost inaudible. I swallowed trying my best to slow my heart beat back down to normal, before shrugging.

Although I didn’t think it was possible, the rate of my heartbeat increased as I felt his warm breath waft over the soft skin of my face. My mouth parted slightly and I felt his breath inside my mouth. My breathing got heavier, as if all the oxygen in the air was being replaced with I don’t know what.

I knew I had to be confusing the situation; I was 100% sure that Brendon had no intimate feelings towards me. No, there’s no way. I mean, he has Sophie, and he showed no signs of wanting to split up with her anytime soon, which signifies to me that he definitely had no feelings for me.

My eyes widened even more as I noticed him leaning ever-so-slowly towards me. He touched my cheek with his right hand, and I tried to control my self as his breath felt more prominent against the skin of my face, it was like shocks of electricity were pulsed through my skin with every breath out he made, and when his hand came into contact with my cheek, I bit down on my lip and tightly clenched my fists in order to stop myself from crashing our lips together, as much as I wanted to right at that moment.

Slowly, he leaned out of his chair in order to place a soft, sweet kiss on the skin of my cheek. My breathing got the heaviest it has ever been at that point; it was as if I was gasping for air.

My reaction might seem strange to you: a simple peck on the cheek. And you’re right, this far-from-intimate gesture would be small in most other circumstances; Brendon has kissed me on the cheek many times before, so what makes this time any different?

Well, the whole situation is different. He called me beautiful for crying out loud. The extent of his compliments for me is normally ’you look nice’ and sometimes even ’nice ass’ but he has never referred to me as beautiful. This simple, sweet compliment, seemed to twist and morph the meaning of the simple peck on the cheek to something that means a whole lot more.

I swallowed once more, and did the only thing I’ve known to do in these situations. I ran.

“I have to uhm… go.” I said, jumping up and rapidly exiting the shop, ignoring Brendon’s pleas for me to stay.

It’s selfish, I know, but this is the only way I know how to act to something unfamiliar: run from it.

[Title credit goes to Forever The Sickest Kids - Coffee Break.]