You Should Know

Alex, I’m scared.

I wish you could be here with me to hold my hand.

I’m so tired.

I don’t know how much time I have to finish this.

The doctors tell me not to worry, but their fake veneers don’t fool me.

They know I don’t have much longer.

Even Victoria started to cry the last time; they must have told her something I don’t know.

I told them to give this to Victoria when I’m gone.

She’s my only contact.

I’m giving everything to Victoria.

All the important stuff is in a box in her closet, next to all her shoes.

She told me so.

Ask her for the photo albums someday, when you’re ready to see me again.

Pictures of me, you- all our friends, pictures of everything.

She’ll give this to you after my funeral.

After, I told her, not before.

Because it’s easier to be mad at me than sad that I’m gone.

Because I made you hate me, and it’s harder to be sad for someone you hate.

You should know that I’m doing this for you, Alex.

It’s all for your own good.

Please don’t hate me anymore.

I’m sorry I broke your heart.

I hope you’ll understand someday.

I’m sorry.