London Calling

It was a mess a huge fucking mess. Brian had fucked off somewhere. Zack was having a nervous breakdown. I wanted answers; someone somewhere along the line had fucked and tonight was the night to fix it. I wanted to wait until Zack calmed down completely, to try to get something out him but that could take ages, so I went for the direct approach.

“What just happened?”

“Nothing happened.”

“Bollocks Zachary. Now tell me why Brian looked like he wanted to kill you.”

“I slept with Alice.” He sobbed.

“What?”

“I slept with her.”

“Yes I gathered that but when?”

“WHAT DOES IT FUCKING MATTER? I SLEPT WITH HER GOT HER PREGNANT AND NOW I’VE LOST BRIAN FOREVER!” he screamed, unable to control his breathing.

“Zack calm down I know you’re upset...I’m sorry what?”

“You heard me, I’ve ruined everything. Brian is never going to talk to me ever again, he’ll probably leave the band, the rest of us won’t to carry on without him and eventually we shall be no more.”

“Zack, please stop being so dramatic. Brian will talk to you again and you know as well as I do that nothing will make him want to leave the band. Now will you tell me what the hell happened?”

Zack had stopped crying, just sniffed at me occasionally, it seemed like he would stay calm long enough to tell me what happened.

“About three or four weeks before she left Brian, she was drunk and called me up because she didn’t want to go home. We got trashed at my place and you know one thing led to another.”

“That, that doesn’t even make any sense, you hated her back then. Why did you agree to let her back to house in the first place?”

“I thought that maybe I could convince her to break up with Brian, she knew that he was having trouble with his sexuality, she was making things worse. I thought that I could talk her around, but we started drinking, then I got another plan into my head. If she cheated on him then he would definitely leave her.”

“And then he would hate you as well for doing it.”

“Don’t you think I know that now? I was young and stupid and jealous, I wasn’t thinking.”

“So is that why she left?”

“Yeah, she told me the next morning that she was going to move to England, fresh start and all that. A little while after that I get call, she wants to talk. She comes over again, this time to tell me that she’s pregnant and it’s definitely mine.”

“You mean Tommy is your kid?” This was becoming a little too hard for me to believe.

“He’s mine; the bright green eyes are a dead giveaway. When she told me, I wanted to tell Brian. It had all gone too far, but she begged and pleaded me not say anything. He was never going to see her again; she also said she was going to have an abortion. No one would be any the wiser.”

“Well that worked fantastically. So what are you going to do?”

“Find Brian I guess.”

“No way, we don’t know if he’s still angry or where he is. I’ll give him a call later and if he doesn’t get back to me I’ll get Jimmy and Johnny to have a look for him. You have something else you need to deal with right now.”

“You mean Tommy? She’s managed without me all this time, what can I possibly do? Besides I couldn’t give a flying fuck.”

“Jesus Zack, don’t be so cold hearted. Don’t you want to get to know your own son?”

“Not really, he’s partly the reason I’m in this mess.”

“I know you’re upset so I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. It is not his fault that you’re in this mess, you should have told Brian, no matter how much Alice didn’t want you to. Not that it makes any difference now. You have to deal with your mistakes now; Tommy deserves to know who his dad is, even if he might never see you again after we head home.”

“What about Brian?”

“I’ll deal with him, but there’s not a lot you can do right now that won’t result in him distancing himself from you. He does love you, that obvious to everyone but it might take some time for him to be able to trust you again.”

“Yeah I guess I still want to talk to him though.”

“I know but you’ll have to wait till he’s ready.”

All of this was too much, no wonder Brian flew off the handle. What I couldn’t believe was that Zack managed to keep to himself for that long. The guilt must have been eating away at him all those years, that’s some secret to be keeping from someone so close to you. We walked back over to my suite to find Jimmy and Johnny pretending to be aeroplanes with Tommy, who didn’t seem to be having as much fun as the adults that were meant to be entertaining him. Alice was sat on the sofa clutching a glass of water, she didn’t look all that well but considering the circumstances it was to be expected.

We sat down, watched Tommy continue to play with Jim and John. Looking at him properly it was clear to see that he was Zack’s child, dark floppy hair and piercing green eyes. It was scary to see a mini version of Zack running around but kind of cute at the same time.

“What’s wrong?” Tommy asked Zack, who was sat with his head in hands.

“I hurt someone very close to me and now they’re really angry with me.” Zack replied carefully, knowing that a four year old wouldn’t be able to understand what was going on.

“Don’t be sad, if you say sorry everything will be ok again.” His innocence brought Zack to tears once again.

“Yeah, I will say sorry and it will all be ok.” Zack sobbed.

“Don’t cry,” he said as he climbed up on the sofa and gave Zack a hug. “Cuddles will make the sadness go away.”