London Calling

Hotel lobby

After watching Jungle Book and Bambi, we all fell asleep on the sofa. I would have slept through my dinner plans if it wasn’t for the text from Alice, saying she was on her way, waking me up. I waited nervously for her to arrive; it was like going on a first date, only ten times more terrifying. Up until seeing her at the Tate I had done my best to not to think about her, and now she was back in my life making me see everything I had done wrong. I waited for about five minutes when a car pulled up; she got out, followed by a little boy. It didn’t really think anything of him at first, there was every chance that she could have met someone and had a child after she left. It was only when they got closer I realised that he looked like he was about four or five, which meant that she would have been pregnant before she left America. I began to play out the possibility of this child being mine. I quickly concluded that unless she was cheating on me or adopted him that kid was my own. I suddenly felt sick, but I had to play it cool, I didn’t want to scare ‘my son’.

“Hi, how’s it going?” Not the greatest conversation starter, but it was something.

“I’m good, and yourself?”

“I’m fine, so who this little guy.” I asked as we walked to our seats.

“Oh this is Tommy. I’m sorry I couldn’t get a sitter in time, I hope it’s ok that he’s here.”

“No worries. Don’t think I’m being rude asking but...”

“I thought you might want to know,” She began anxiously. “Well it’s a bit of a long story, I don’t want to get angry.” She stopped and looked at Tommy who was playing with the fork on the table.

“I have an idea.” I got out my phone, called Zack. “Hey would you come down here I need you to do me a favour?”

“Yeah, no problem.” Zack replied.

“What are you doing?” Alice questioned.

“Zack and the guys can take care of him while we talk. If there is the possibility of me getting angry I don’t want it to be around a child do I?”

“I guess you’re right.”

A few minutes later Zack, Jim, John and Matt appeared out of the elevator; obviously curious to see what was going on. As I handed Tommy over to Zack, I got questioning looks from all of my friends. I gave them an ‘I don’t know smile’ and returned to the table. Knowing that I would let them in on everything later they it be, heading back up stairs.

When I returned to the table, Alice was fiddling with the napkins. “So now that we can talk properly are you going to tell me that Tommy is mine?”

“No.”

“What do you mean no?”

“I mean no, he’s not yours. I guessing that you worked out that he is four years old, and that would mean that when I left America I was pregnant.”

“Yeah I did and if that’s true, it would make him my kid.” I could barely believe that words that were coming out of my mouth.

“If things were simple, then yes Tommy is your child but it’s not that simple. You see you weren’t the last guy I slept with before I left.” Her head low; I stayed silent trying my best to keep my composure. “About three weeks or so before we spilt I got really drunk one night, I was feeling crap about pretty much everything. Work was getting me down, I was seeing you less because you were touring around the country and our relationship was drying up. I didn’t feel like coming home straight away but I knew I was no fit state to hang around the streets so I called someone, I called Zack.” She paused for a moment, as if she was going to cry, right then I felt like I was going to cry. “We got to his; I drank a hell of a lot more than I should have. Then things got out of hand, there is no excusing it but we didn’t mean for it to happen. The next morning I told him that I was going to leave, I had driven a big enough wedge between the two of you and this would only make things worse. About a week before I left I went to the doctors because I had been feeling ill; after a load of tests, she told me I was pregnant. I told Zack and made him promise never to tell you. I didn’t even want anything from him, except to make sure you were happy. If I’m honest I was glad to be leaving, the last thing I wanted was to bring a child into our world secrets and lies.”

I sat stunned I could only stare. This was too much for me to handle. I had gone from thinking I was a father to finding out the kid is actually my best friend’s in ten minutes. At first, I thought I was angry, but when I thought about it, it was partly my fault. She was unhappy because I was unhappy and Zack, well I can imagine back then he would have done anything to break us up. It may have been some of my fault, but the rage inside me was beginning to boil.

“Ok.” I said simply.

“Ok? That’s all you have to say? I would have at least thought you would storm out or something.”

“Yeah, I don’t blame you or Zack for what you did. I am however, angry that neither of you told me. I know I’m not the one to have a go at you about honesty, but I truly thought being with you would make me happy. What was your excuse and don’t say you were trying to protect me.” I may have been handling the situation better than expected but I was shit scared of what would do to Zack and me. He had hidden many things from me over the years, mainly how he felt about me, but I this was something else. This was a betrayal.

“Listen I know we should have told you but as I had already decided to leave it worked out that you wouldn’t need to know. I never expected to see any of you again; I was starting a new life so you could to. I thought I was helping you, but I see I did more damage than good, I’m sorry.”

“Well seeing as your little plan backfired what are you going to do now? Tommy has met his dad for the first time, not that he knows and I’m questioning whether or not I should have been feeling so bad for what I put you and Zack through.” I got up and walked over to the elevator, we hadn’t even order anything, only sat talking.

“Where are you going?” She asked following me.

“Where do you think? I need to talk to Zack.”

“Please don’t do anything stupid!”

“You have no right to be telling me what to do after what you just told me.”

When I entered our suite Zack was by himself, I told Alice to go next door; Tommy would be with Matt, Jim and John. Tears were streaming down Zack’s pale cheeks his eyes were bloodshot. Normally when I saw Zack like this, I would be the first person to try to make him feel better but not this time; I was looking at him in a completely new light. I was looking at my so-called best friend, unable to understand why he kept this from me.

“I am so sorry Brian, please forgive me?” He sobbed walking towards me, arms outstretched.

“No, this is not going to be that easy.” I said pushing him away. “I felt so guilty about what I had done to you, what I must have put you through and I find out this. You slept with my girlfriend, got her pregnant and didn’t think to tell me.”

“I forgot.”

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU FORGOT?”

“After she left I did as much as could to block it out, so I could concentrate on you. Eventually I just forgot.”

I went across the room towards the counter; I grabbed a bottle of rum that was sitting there ready to drown my sorrows.

“Brian, baby please say something. You can scream at me all you want, just don’t shut me out.” He begged with hitched breath.

“WHAT LIKE YOU HAVE BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS?” I screamed, hurling the bottle across the room, only just missing Zack and smashing against the wall. I was shaking with rage. Zack was shaking with fear. As I suspected not long after the bottle smashed against the wall, Matt came crashing through the door. Knowing how hot tempered I can be, he knew he had to handle this carefully, flying off the handle would only make things worse.

“Are either of you hurt?” He questioned slightly out of breath.

“N-no.” Zack stuttered.

“I’m not either but I’m out of here I need to think.” It was the best idea I could think, the more distance I put between Zack and me, the more I could clear my head.

“Brian don’t go.” Zack pleaded running after me, only to be stopped by Matt.

“Let him go, things will only get worse if he stays here.” Matt was used to sorting out our fights, but none were anywhere near as bad as this.

I walked over to a window in the hall; I looked out at London thinking ‘tonight this is where I lose myself’. I had a lot to think about, a lot to come to terms with but more importantly, I had to decide whether I could forgive Zack. It was then I realised that I wasn’t talking this as well as it first seemed.