Pieces of Truth

It was eerie having everybody gathered at my house. Ollie and all six of her children stood in the living room along with my dad and myself, bringing me back to when my mom died.

"Your aunt and uncles are coming tomorrow, Grace," my dad told me, meaning my mom's family since he was an only child.

I nodded, still holding onto Billie's hand. The only time I had let go was to hug my father when we first arrived.

We discussed how the funeral would work, and after Billie's family left, we talked about what had happened.

"Do you want to go through Jeff's things and sort out what to keep?" My dad asked.

"Not particularly.. Can I do it another time? I really just want to go to bed."

"You're welcome to stay here, you know. And BJ too."

"Thanks," we nodded.

"Goodnight," my dad smiled softly, heading up to bed.

We had to walk past Jeff's room to get to mine, and when I glanced in I felt nothing.

"I'm so desensitized, Billie.."

"You're just in shock. It'll sink in soon," he told me as we laid on my old bed.

"I don't think I'm in shock," I answered, "I didn't see him for so long that I conditioned myself not to miss him."

"How did you feel when he just showed up the other day?" he asked, getting up and looking around my seemingly unchanged room.

"It was the weirdest thing. Like seeing a ghost."

"You two were really close before all that shit went down.. I remember that much," Billie mused, eying all of my childhood trinkets.

"Yeah, we had to be. I didn't have another brother or sister. You're lucky to have a bigger family."

Billie laughed slightly, shaking his head.

"It's actually not as fun as it seems. You get left out a lot.. and the whole not excelling ever as a kid didn't make it any better. I got ignored as the youngest.. But that's how it goes."

I nodded, not sure if I would ever understand how it felt.

"If you don't want to go to his funeral, you don't have to," he told me sincerely.

"I have to for my dad. Can we walk to Tightwad Hill? I need to get out of here."

I didn't care that it was past midnight; I wanted out of this house.

Billie Joe and I walked to the hill and sat overlooking the huge stadium. It was a chilly night, so I had on one of Billie's sweatshirts and I huddled beside him to keep somewhat warm.

"Are you gonna be okay with me being a full time college student when school starts back up?" I asked, ready to wait for a response.

"I guess. It's what you really want to do, so I'm all for it."

"Thanks for being so supportive.. It's sweet of you," I smiled.

"Well you always supported me with the band, so I think it's my turn to return the favor," he grinned, leaning his head against mine.

"I like that we can do this for each other. It makes everything a whole lot easier."

"I get that you're driven in school and have goals for when you get that business degree. You got that school wasn't for me. It's nice," Billie agreed.

"So you're doing an East coast only tour this time?" I asked a few minutes later.

"Yeah, since we didn't have time during the summer. I wish you could come though," he shrugged.

"I would if I could. But school requires that I show up," I laughed.

As we walked back to my dad's house, I took the time to get across exactly how grateful I was for Billie being there for me.

"Seriously! I really appreciate everything you've done and everything you're doing for me."

"Grace you don't have to thank me. I feel the same toward you."

"Really? I'm just trying to make up for lost time any way I can. Even if we just sit in silence like we were at the Hill, I feel like I'm doing something."

We got to the house and stood outside for a minute.

"Will you stay over with me?" I asked in a shy voice, feeling like we were in high school again.

"Of course I will," Billie smiled reassuringly and with that we walked into the house.

Jeff's memorial was a couple of days later, and an oddly large number of people attended. Kids from past baseball teams, classes and other aspects of his life were there.

I stuck close to my father and my mother's family, but I was practically glued to Billie Joe, who had Mike and Tre come to pay their respects.

A man with the funeral home gave the service, saying that we needed to celebrate Jeff's life, not mourn his death, which did make sense. Beforehand he had asked me if I wanted to speak, and I refused. I would just get up in front of everyone and break down.

A few of my brother's closest friends spoke, which made me feel like he wasn't the monster I made him out to be. Jeff was just a lost soul who needed guidance, and no one was there for him when he needed it the most.

Once the service was done, I excused myself to regain my composure. As I was leaving the restroom, I saw Drew approaching me. I tried to get around him, but he cut me off.

"Grace.."

"No, Drew. Don't even talk to me," I snapped at the man.

"I just wanted to give my condolences. It must be hard for you..."

"You don't know and you certainly don't care. Goodbye," I told him blatantly, watching a look of rejection hit his face.

"I really did like you," he said, catching me off guard.

"Well, that's not going to make up for your actions. How can you sleep knowing you're the reason my brother even got into drugs as badly as he did?"

He went to answer but I cut him off this time.

"I don't care. Don't come around again."

With that said, I returned to my dad and Billie Joe, who gave me an odd look.

"What?" I asked him quietly, not drawing attention to ourselves.

"I saw Drew follow you. What happened?"

"I told him off," I said in a simple, that's that, tone.

"Good. I was about to go beat the shit out of him," Billie said, rubbing my back in a comforting manner.

When everyone left the funeral home, we went to my dad's house for dinner. Both of our families sat around the dining room table and shared stories, then once it started getting late, everybody returned to their respective homes, leaving Billie and myself with my father.

"You don't have to stay here with me. I'm going to work early tomorrow. Why don't you and BJ go home," my dad suggested.

He was one of the only people that got away with calling Billie BJ to his face.

"Dad, I don't want to leave you here by yourself!"

"It's fine. I'm pretty used to it, actually," he chuckled lightly.

"Alright then. If you're totally okay with it. I'll call you at work tomorrow."

We said our goodbyes, then Billie and I left.

"Do you want to come to my house or go to Foxboro?" he asked as we sat in his car.

"It doesn't matter to me. I just want to go to bed."

Billie nodded, putting the car in drive and taking off.

At his house, I was upstairs in a flash. I changed out of my black dress and into pajamas, curling up in Billie's bed and falling right asleep.

When I woke up, I felt as if I had slept for days. I checked the clock on the wall and saw that it was nearly two in the afternoon.

I finally pulled myself out of bed and put on some short and an Operation Ivy shirt, then brushed my teeth and hair before going to find Billie Joe. Despite searching the house, I couldn't find him anywhere.

I peeked into the basement and tip-toed down the stairs to hear a soft guitar riff floating through the room. Drawn to the sound, I walked toward the man playing.

"Well good morning, sleeping beauty!" Billie smiled, continuing to play as he spoke.

"Why did you let me sleep in?" I asked, picking up a guitar and plugging it into a nearby amp so I could add to his tune.

"I figured you had a rough day and you just needed the sleep. I made some breakfast earlier when I got up and left a plate in the microwave for you."

"You're so good to me," I grinned, giving him a kiss as we played.

Billie and I jammed for a while until I got hungry. I went upstairs to the kitchen and popped open the microwave to see burnt bacon, some sketchy looking eggs and I didn't even recognize the third thing.. I knew he tried his best, but cooking wasn't Billie's thing just yet; I had a lot to teach him.

I made myself a quick bowl of Frosted Flakes then returned downstairs to find Billie taking a nap on the huge, vintage looking couch. Since I didn't want to bother him, I picked up a guitar and slipped into the recording booth, strumming away as I thought of new rhythms and chord combinations.

Eventually I got tired of it and just leaned my head back, not caring that I was falling asleep.