Mistakes We Knew We Were Making

It was the first full day of school, and I wasn't really looking forward to it. The blocks were agonizingly long and sitting through World History first block put me right to sleep. My second block, Freshman Seminar, was absolute hell. I worked with an uncooperative group that had nothing better to do than grease the table with Expo spray and battle each other with markers.

By the time lunch rolled around, I was exhausted and unsure of how I was going to survive another block. I wandered into the pale pink cafeteria and looked around at all the upper classmen, feeling small and insignificant. However, once I spotted Becca sitting at a table in the corner, I ran over and claimed my seat next to her.

"I thought I'd never find you," I laughed as I opened my lunchbox and removed its contents.

"I didn't know where to sit but I thought this would be good," Becca said.

"Hey, can I sit with you guys?" Danielle, another friend of ours, asked. We nodded; we didn't care. I barely knew Dani, but this would be an opportunity to get to know her better. Jon and his brother, Andrew, accompanied us at the table as well as a bunch of other people. Becca knew Jon and Andrew better than I did or ever would, so I kept quiet and stared down my sandwich. I swallowed roughly, knowing this would be my first attempted lunch in months.

"I've gotta pee." Becca stood up and left us, and I couldn't help but laugh. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind, which is what I loved most. However, the table had now fallen into silence. I poked at my sandwich in disgust, quickly taking a bite and chewing. Big mistake. It didn't taste good to me, and when I went to swallow, I felt nauseous. I forced it down and chugged some water before pushing my sandwich away.

"So you're a sophomore, you're a freshman?" I asked Jon and Andrew.

"No, we're both freshmen," Andrew said.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I just look older than I am," Jon said.

"Yeah, you do. I thought you were a sophomore. Where'd you move here from anyway?"

"Lacey."

"Never heard of it."

"I'm back!" Becca threw herself down into her chair and started away on her lunch. I stared at mine and felt sick just seeing it before me.

"What the hell? Why aren't you eating?" Becca asked me. I shrugged.

"Eat, bitch!" She picked up a piece of sandwich and pushed it toward me.

"I don't feel good," I said and put the piece down. There was no way I could reveal the truth to them, especially Becca. She would have my ass mounted on her wall if she knew I was starving myself.

"Don't make me force feed you," Jon said. I blinked in confusion at him before pushing the tin foil plate with my sandwich away from me. He barely knew me and he was trying to make me eat. What the fuck was with that?

"I'm not hungry. You can have it."

"I swear I'll make you eat." Jon pushed it back at me. "Becca will help me."

I smiled a bit, but it wasn't going to get that food in my stomach. "If you want it to be eaten so much, then you eat it."

Jon just gave me a look. "I'll make you eat one day," he said, and with that, he took my bitten sandwich and ate it in two bites.

I wondered if they would catch on if I never ate at lunch.

By the time I got home, I still wasn't even a bit hungry. My mind was elsewhere, AKA back in Hamilton, where my job and real friends were. It was revolving around the past summers spent there, the good and the bad, and the worst.

"Ben, you're gonna make a massacre out of your face."

My cousin, Eddie, stared at Ben like he had an arm growing out of his head. Ben was laying on his back in the dirt next to the dirt jump, a big grin on his face.

"Go ahead, Eddie. Be the one to massacre it," he said.

I sat on the tailgate on Eddie's Bronco, swinging my twelve, almost thirteen year old legs back and forth. My birthday was in a week, and I couldn't have been more excited.

"Well when Anna sees your face after, I don't think she's gonna like you too much anymore," I joked. Ben shot me a look from the ground, but I just laughed.

"I don't want Anna to beat my ass," Eddie said.

"Just do it."

Eddie shook his head as he turned his Yamaha on, the engine revving up and ready to go. He turned around and drove a couple hundred feet back as Amy ran to the other side of the track with her camera to get a shot of the jump. Eddie, Ben, and a bunch of other guys had a thing for making quad videos or slideshows, so all their dumbass stunts were filmed.

Eddie revved the engine from the driveway, letting the quad zip forward and onto the track they'd created in his backyard. Ben braced himself, but he couldn't see over the jump to know when Eddie would go over. As the quad drew near, Ben turned himself over and buried his face into the dirt. Eddie hit the jump, kicking up dust and soaring over Ben to meet the other jump and continue down the track. I laughed loudly as Ben jumped right up and ran to me, shaking the dirt off his face and body.

"Ain't no way I'm doing that again," he said, sitting down next to me. "You wanna try, Becster?"

"No." I looked mortified. "If Dan saw me laying in the dirt there, he'd take his Raptor and just run me the hell over."

Ben laughed and gave me a hug. "Aw, don't say that. Dannylion loves you."

"Yeah, sure."

Amy came over to us and showed us the picture, a big smile on her face. "Looks pretty good, huh?" she asked.

"I'll say," Ben said as he studied the picture. "But I look like I'm gonna piss myself."

"Are you sure you didn't?" I joked. Ben felt his legs and junk, then grinned widely.

"You're real mature."

"Get back over there and let me do it again," Eddie said as he walked over. He removed his helmet and shook his dirty blonde hair out.

"You can't even get the damn thing to start back up," Ben said, pointing at the smoking quad sitting on the track.

"It's only a minor technicality."

"That's why it's about to catch fire."

Eddie made a face at him as he checked his phone, and suddenly all the bitterness disappeared.

"Hey, you going with Sapia tonight to that party?" Eddie asked Ben.

"Fuck yeah. Gonna get smashed."

I started crying.