Status: in progress.
Mistakes We Knew We Were Making
Goodbye Ben, Hello Heaven.
I curled up in a ball on the couch in the basement, watching Eddie dominate my score on Grand Theft Auto. I frowned, even though my score barely made it into the triple digits. Amy sat beside me, nudging her brother with her foot to screw him up.
"Knock it the fuck off," Eddie said angrily, but his eyes never left the TV screen.
I wished I lived here. Their mom didn't care what they did or who they hung out with. She didn't care about anything Eddie and Amy did because she trusted them. I wanted my mom to be the same way, but there was no way in hell that would ever happen. My mom was a tightass and barely let me out of the house, so spending the past couple of days here was a shocker for me.
"I'm fucking starving. Let's get food." Amy nodded at me and we both headed upstairs to rummage through whatever remained of their kitchen. We had eaten most of it yesterday, but we hoped that there would be something left over. None of us were experts on cooking venison (except maybe Eddie), leaving the fridge in the basement full of the meat out of our options.
"Here," Amy handed me a bag of Cheetos, a case of Coke, and a bag of chips. She took another bag of chips and a jar of dip, which was more than enough.
"You got it all?" she asked as we made our way back downstairs.
"Yeah," I said, taking my time down the steps. Judge and Bear, their Labs, followed right under our feet down into the basement, expecting something to drop.
Upon walking into the basement, we noticed Mike and Beaver had stopped in. Eddie had actually put the PS2 controller down and was standing up to talk to them. I set down all the foodon the couch and stood up, smiling at Mike. I was happy to see him since I didn't get to see him often, but there was something. . . different. My smile vanished as I noticed the distressed looks Mike and Beaver had on their faces.
"What's going on?" I was the first to speak up. My heart was already pounding and I was becoming lightheaded. Mike looked from me to Beaver and back, wondering if he should speak what was on his mind. Eddie must have already known judging by the way he sat down on the couch and held his head in his hands. If I wasn't mistaken, I thought I'd seen a tear in his eye.
"Mike," I demanded. Amy looked frightened. "What is going on?"
Mike let out a heavy sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. "This is hard for me to say but . . ."
"Yeah?" Amy pressed.
"Ben passed away last night."
My heart stopped. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. My hands were shaking and my stomach was doing flips. No, Mike was lying. This had to be some late April Fool's thing or something. Ben was going to pop out of the closet any minute now and scream "Surprise!"
"No," was the only thing I could say. Although, it was barely audible. I hit the couch and looked at my feet, feeling warm tears slide down my cheeks.
"How?" Amy asked, her voice cracking.
"He got really drunk off his ass at that party, and his liver just gave out I guess. He just had too much to drink and . . . well, he just drank himself dead," Mike replied.
My whole body felt like it was cracking into pieces. Ben was alive. Ben was alive. Ben WAS alive.
But who was I trying to kid? Ben was dead. Mike and Beaver wouldn't fuck around about something like this. I broke down instantly, my eyes releasing every tear they had stored away. I was almost screaming because my sobs were so heavy. Eddie scooted closer to me on the couch and hugged me, a very rare gesture from someone like him. Amy was breaking down as well; she sat down on the couch and buried her face into her hands. Beaver sat beside her, and Mike beside Beaver.
"It's gonna be okay," Mike said calmly, patting my back. I looked at him to find him shedding a few tears of his own. It was never going to be okay.
A whole chunk of me felt like it had broken off and died. I was hoping to wake up from the nightmare I was living. I pinched my arm, but that only helped it sink in more that this was real and happening. Tears continued to flow from my eyes without any hope of stopping.
Ben was dead, and he was never coming back.
"Knock it the fuck off," Eddie said angrily, but his eyes never left the TV screen.
I wished I lived here. Their mom didn't care what they did or who they hung out with. She didn't care about anything Eddie and Amy did because she trusted them. I wanted my mom to be the same way, but there was no way in hell that would ever happen. My mom was a tightass and barely let me out of the house, so spending the past couple of days here was a shocker for me.
"I'm fucking starving. Let's get food." Amy nodded at me and we both headed upstairs to rummage through whatever remained of their kitchen. We had eaten most of it yesterday, but we hoped that there would be something left over. None of us were experts on cooking venison (except maybe Eddie), leaving the fridge in the basement full of the meat out of our options.
"Here," Amy handed me a bag of Cheetos, a case of Coke, and a bag of chips. She took another bag of chips and a jar of dip, which was more than enough.
"You got it all?" she asked as we made our way back downstairs.
"Yeah," I said, taking my time down the steps. Judge and Bear, their Labs, followed right under our feet down into the basement, expecting something to drop.
Upon walking into the basement, we noticed Mike and Beaver had stopped in. Eddie had actually put the PS2 controller down and was standing up to talk to them. I set down all the foodon the couch and stood up, smiling at Mike. I was happy to see him since I didn't get to see him often, but there was something. . . different. My smile vanished as I noticed the distressed looks Mike and Beaver had on their faces.
"What's going on?" I was the first to speak up. My heart was already pounding and I was becoming lightheaded. Mike looked from me to Beaver and back, wondering if he should speak what was on his mind. Eddie must have already known judging by the way he sat down on the couch and held his head in his hands. If I wasn't mistaken, I thought I'd seen a tear in his eye.
"Mike," I demanded. Amy looked frightened. "What is going on?"
Mike let out a heavy sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. "This is hard for me to say but . . ."
"Yeah?" Amy pressed.
"Ben passed away last night."
My heart stopped. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. My hands were shaking and my stomach was doing flips. No, Mike was lying. This had to be some late April Fool's thing or something. Ben was going to pop out of the closet any minute now and scream "Surprise!"
"No," was the only thing I could say. Although, it was barely audible. I hit the couch and looked at my feet, feeling warm tears slide down my cheeks.
"How?" Amy asked, her voice cracking.
"He got really drunk off his ass at that party, and his liver just gave out I guess. He just had too much to drink and . . . well, he just drank himself dead," Mike replied.
My whole body felt like it was cracking into pieces. Ben was alive. Ben was alive. Ben WAS alive.
But who was I trying to kid? Ben was dead. Mike and Beaver wouldn't fuck around about something like this. I broke down instantly, my eyes releasing every tear they had stored away. I was almost screaming because my sobs were so heavy. Eddie scooted closer to me on the couch and hugged me, a very rare gesture from someone like him. Amy was breaking down as well; she sat down on the couch and buried her face into her hands. Beaver sat beside her, and Mike beside Beaver.
"It's gonna be okay," Mike said calmly, patting my back. I looked at him to find him shedding a few tears of his own. It was never going to be okay.
A whole chunk of me felt like it had broken off and died. I was hoping to wake up from the nightmare I was living. I pinched my arm, but that only helped it sink in more that this was real and happening. Tears continued to flow from my eyes without any hope of stopping.
Ben was dead, and he was never coming back.
♠ ♠ ♠
In Loving MemoryBenjamin Ryan Fulmer.
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