Dreams of Tomorrow

“Come in!” Athalya shouted over the music, just as she kicked her bags under her bed. She still had some clothes on her bed, waiting to be put in their respective drawers.

The door opened and Jimmy jumped in the room.

“What are you up to?” he asked, smiling brightly at Athalya before jumping on her bed, making her clothes flew through the room.

Athalya stayed frozen in place, certainly not expecting to see Jimmy after what happened when he dropped her off. But no, Jimmy was there, not even an hour after dropping her off.

“Huh…” she trailed off, “I was unpacking my clothes from the trip, ya know…” she mumbled, rubbing her neck nervously.

Suddenly, Jimmy sat up on the bed and crossed his arms. He starred at her for a few seconds before…

“Tah!” he yelled, jumping up on her bed, pointing at her. “That’s annoying, don’t you think?” he asked, sitting down calmly.

“What is annoying?” asked Athalya, biting her lip and rubbing her arms. Jimmy’s behaviour was a little weirder than usual.

“Lunatic people.” He said, solemnly.

“Huh?” asked Athalya, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

“Mood swings…” said Jimmy, patting the empty space next to him on the mattress.

Athalya slowly made her way towards her bed and Jimmy grabbed the remote control on her nightstand and lowered the volume on her stereo. She sat next to him and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. He let himself fall backwards, bringing her with him so that they were both on a laying position.

“My young friend… Mood swings are annoying in general, but especially yours Athalya. It’s not like you are PMSing, because that’s another subject…” said Jimmy, mindlessly playing with Athalya’s hair as he was looking up at her ceiling.

“What do you mean? I don’t get it!” cried Athalya, trying to sit up but Jimmy was holding her down.

“Your mood swings are annoying! One second you are all smiles and happy and stuff and the next, you’re looking ready to jump off a bridge! Do you know how worried it makes me?” ranted Jimmy, looking at the top of Athalya’s head as she tried to look at him, which wasn’t easy considering their height difference and their position on the bed.

“I can’t help it!” she cried, after a couple of seconds of silence.

“Of course you can’t! That’s the worst part of the whole ‘depression’ kind of thing!” he said, making air quotes when he said depression.

“I’m not depressed!” Athalya yelled, she sat up so fast that Jimmy didn’t reacted fast enough and before he knew it, she was standing on her feet, at the bottom of the bed, her arms crossed over her chest, glaring at him.

“Yes you are Athalya. Or close to it then… And I would be too, if I were to live through what you went through…” he said, sitting up cross-legged on her bed, looking at her.

“Don’t say it like that! It’s not as bad as it sounds!” she cried, “The way you say it, it’s like I just came back from World War II…” she mumbled.

“Athalya! It is bad! You lost your mother! It is bound to leave some marks! You cannot pretend it’s nothing!” he said, raising his voice just a little. “Now you are here, without any close family except your grand parents… You have no friends, you are lost Athalya…”

“Is that your way of making me feel better? What are you trying to do? Making me kill myself?!” she said, coldly.

“The opposite, I’m trying to make you face the fact, so that you can start working on getting better… I don’t want you to kill yourself Athalya, I want you to talk to me, I want you to communicate so your name will not be added to the list of the numerous teenagers who kill themselves because they felt as if no one understood them.” Said Jimmy. “The way you’ve been acting lately… I’m scared that one day I’ll show at your doorstep and your grandparents will tell me that they found you laying in the bathroom drowning in a pool of your own blood… And before you say something like “Well, you’ll get over it”, let me tell you… No, I’ll not get over it! You are my friend, whether you like it or not and I do care about you! I don’t want you to die, you are too fucking young to be buried six feet under!” he said, slowly loosing his temper.

Athalya didn’t even blink as she replied to Jimmy.
“I’m smart enough not to make my grandparents clean after me… If I do kill myself, I’ll do it in order not to make a mess…” she said, not looking down.

“Like?” asked Jimmy.

“Like taking too many sleeping pills or jumping off a bridge… Something that doesn’t have to be bloody.” She said, not blinking.

“So, you are openly admitting that you did think about killing yourself…” said Jimmy, slowly, trying to proceed what Athalya had just said.

“I did.”

Her answer was followed by a few seconds of dead silence, except for Michael Jackson softly singing in the background.

“But seriously, everyone had at least once in their life, thought about killing themselves.” She said, blinking as she tried to keep her tears at bay.

“Show me your wrists.” Demanded Jimmy, getting from her bed and marching towards her.

“I’m not like that!” she cried as he grabbed her wrists and pulled up her sleeve, in order to see her wrists. No scars. He lifted his head to look at her face and quickly pulled her to his chest when he saw her tears stricken face.

“I’m sorry Athalya… I didn’t mean to make you cry again.” He apologized, whispering in her ear. He had his arms wrapped around her, holding her tightly as he ran his fingers through her hair. “I’m just worried about you…” he said.

Athalya was gripping his T-shirt with both hands, trying to stop her sobbing.
“I’m so-rry…” she sobbed. “Sor-… sorry…”

“Calm down Athalya, it’s my fault… I shouldn’t have push your buttons…” he said, slowly walking backward and bringing her down with him as he laid down on her bed.

They stayed like that for a short moment, the time for Athalya to calm down and start breathing normally again.

“Do you have anything to look forward to? In the near future I mean…” Jimmy asked. He felt Athalya shaking her head against his chest.
He stayed silent for a second before he unwrapped himself from Athalya’s arms and got up. He walked over to her desk.

“What are you doing?” she asked, sitting up and holding a pillow to her chest, her eyes not leaving Jimmy.

“Helping you…” he replied, his face breaking into a smile as he grabbed a sharpie and her block of post-it.
He scribbled something on it before walking over to her mirror and smacking the post-it on the left side, at the top. Then he scribbled something else on an other post-it and smacked it on the right side, at the top.

“All right, so on the left side will be the “Looking forward to:” side, and the right side will be the “to do” side… Okay?” asked Jimmy, briefly looking at Athalya, who was still on her bed.

Athalya watched silently as Jimmy kept scribbling on several post-it before smacking them either on the left size of the mirror or on the right size.
When he was done, he walked over to the desk, dropped what he had in his hands and smiled at Athalya.

“Come on, take a look!” he said. Slowly, Athalya got off her bed and went to stand in front of her mirror. She couldn’t help but smile as she read what Jimmy had posted.

On the left side “Looking forward to”: Halloween party at Brian’s, Christmas & New Year, Graduation & Prom’.

On the right side “To do” : Smile!, graduate, get my driving license, find a boyfriend, learn how to play the guitar, keep on smiling!

“Of course, you can add more… But that’s all I could think about right now…” Jimmy explained, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. She smiled and hugged Jimmy.

“Thank you Jimmy…”

“There, now you don’t have any more reasons to jump off a bridge or whatever… You do have stuff to look forward to!” he said, patting her head.

Athalya choose not to reply and just kept her arms wrapped around Jimmy.

“So, are you ready to go to Matt’s?” asked Jimmy.

It took her a few seconds to realize what he meant. She unwrapped herself from Jimmy’s embrace and nodded.

“Sure, let’s go!” she said, forcing a smile on her face. Jimmy just shook his head at her.

“It said ‘smile’, not ‘look like a retard’…” he joked, patting her head. She glared at him, walked over to the window and blew out the candle.

“Aren’t you coming?” she asked, halfway through the door.

“Aren’t you going to do something with your make up or whatever?” he asked, looking weirdly at her.

“No, why? Is there something wrong with my make up? Do I have panda eyes or something?” she asked, unsure.

“No, no… I was just wondering… Michelle and Val always check up their make up before going anywhere…” he explained, “I just thought you were the same…” he added.

Athalya shrugged, and pointed at the staircase.
“Let’s go Jimmy!” she said, before leaving her room. She jumped the last three steps and landed in the hall, skipping into the kitchen, almost knocking down one of the chairs in the process.

“Mamie, can I go out with Jimmy? They have band practise, Matt said I could come. Can I?” she asked. “The thing is, I have no idea when I’ll be back…” she explained, rubbing her neck. “But I’m sure I’ll be able to contact you, to let you know…” she added before she was cut off by Jimmy.

“Don’t worry Suzan, everything’s settled. We will have dinner at Brian’s place… I’ll have her back here before 9pm, I promise.” Said Jimmy, standing next to Athalya.

David appeared through the backdoor and smiled at the two.
“It’s all right Jimmy, we trust you. She’s not a kid anymore… Let’s say, bring her back before 11pm? Of course, if Brian’s parents kick you out before that time, then just come back… Do you want to stay the night?” asked David, washing his hands in the sink. He had been in the garden the whole afternoon.

“No thank you David, I’ll go back to my parents’ tonight…But thanks for the offer.” He said, smiling brightly and the old couple. “Let’s go?” asked Jimmy, looking down at Athalya. She nodded, went to hug her grandparents, thanking them for letting her go out and then grabbed her shoes. She tried to put them on while walking through the front door. She was already halfway to Jimmy’s car when she quickly turned around and ran back to the house.

“Mamie? Do I have to take the spare key or will you leave the door open?” she asked.

“I’ll leave the backdoor open. Have fun sweetie!” said Suzan, walking into the hall to see her granddaughter.

“All right! Thank you! I love you Mamie, bye!” she said, quickly walking over her grandmother to hug her before slamming the door shut behind her and running back to Jimmy’s car. As soon as she sat in the passenger seat, Jimmy drove off.

“Are you sure that they won’t mind me watching you guys play?” she asked, feeling unsure all of a sudden.

“Nah, no problem! Val and Michelle are always watching us. Val is our biggest fan.” Said Jimmy, smiling as he turned around a corner.

“Okay…” trailed off Athalya.

**

Jimmy and Athalya had just arrived in front of the Sanders’ household. Jimmy didn’t even bother to knock at the door, he just entered the house, opening the door for Athalya.

“Jimmy! It’s so nice to see you! How are you?” asked a woman, coming down the stairs.

“Hey Kim! I’m fine thanks! How are you?” Jimmy asked, walking towards the woman to hug her. Athalya stood quietly in the corner, afraid to move. She was uncomfortable. She couldn’t understand how he could enter the house like that, he should have knocked…

“I’m good thank you! Oh, who’s the lovely girl standing behind you?” the woman asked, beaming.

“That’s my best friend, Athalya. Athalya, Kim Sanders, Matt’s mom.” Introduced Jimmy, stepping aside so that Kim could have a clear view of Athalya.

“Nice to meet you Athalya!” smiled Kim, holding out her hand. Athalya took a step forward and timidly shook the woman’s hand.

“Nice to meet you too ma’am.” She said, just loud enough for Kim to hear.

“Oh none of that, call me Kim! Do you guys want anything to drink?” asked Kim, leading the way to the kitchen.

Athalya followed Jimmy blindly.
“Nah thanks Kim, we’ll just go to the garage… Matt is probably waiting for me!” he said, taking Athalya’s hand and dragging her towards the garage.

And in fact Matt and everyone else were waiting for Jimmy to show up. Jimmy left Athalya to take his seat behind the drum set while Athalya stood awkwardly by the now closed door.

“Hey Frenchie!” cheered Michelle, waving at her. Athalya walked over to Michelle and sat next to her.

“Where’s Val?” Athalya asked, nervous. She had no idea what she was doing here… It didn’t felt right for some reasons.

“Right here!” said Val, coming to sit on the other side of Athalya.

The guys were all turning towards Jimmy, chatting quietly. Zacky was strumming his guitar while Justin was tuning his bass.

Then she realised that someone was missing.
“Where’s Johnny?” Athalya asked worriedly, louder than she’d have wanted.

Justin rolled his eyes, still tuning his bass.
“He went to the bathroom.” He said.

Athalya frowned, not really pleased with the way Justin answered. To her, it looked like he was bearing some kind of grudge against Johnny.

Zacky glanced at Justin, it was clear than neither of them liked the younger boy, but they were refraining themselves from saying anything.

Johnny entered the garage and both Zacky and Justin chuckled lowly. Athalya glared at them for a couple of seconds before looking at Jimmy who used his two hands to pull the corner of his mouth up, telling Athalya to smile. She chuckled and shook her head at him before focussing on Johnny who wasn’t sitting with the girls. Athalya got up and walked over to where Johnny was sitting, on the other side of the garage. She smiled at him as he was sitting on a small worn out armchair.

“Can I sit with you?” she asked.

Johnny, who looked a bit taken aback, simply nodded as an answer. Athalya smiled and sat down in the floor, at Johnny’s feet, resting her back against his legs. She wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her chin on her knee and looked at the guys as they got ready to start jamming.

Athalya ignored the weird glances she was getting, she was used to this. Even if it was weird for some people, she had always liked to sit on the floor, or on tables. She was sitting on chairs, armchairs and couch only when she couldn’t do otherwise…

And as for sitting with Johnny, Johnny was her first ‘friend’ here… And she couldn’t help but feel bad for him. He was shorter and younger than the other and they thought it was a valuable reason to harass him. To Athalya, that was just stupid, and she hated it.

She was brought back to reality when the first note of music hit her ears and she cringed. Loud was the first thing that crossed her mind. As soon as Matt startedsinging, screaming, she wanted to cover her ears.
Don’t get it wrong, it wasn’t the music, it was how loud it was. Athalya had never been a fan of metal or whatever it was labelled as, she was more into pop/punk songs. Where the singer was singing and you could understand what he was saying.

Except for the screaming, Matt’s voice was nice… Zacky was good at playing the guitar, Justin was all right but what amazed her was Jimmy.
Jimmy behind the drums was the incarnation of greatness & talent. It was mind-blowing and was hurting her ears but she didn’t mind.

The guys played a few songs.

When they stopped, Athalya’s ears were buzzing and she couldn’t hear what Jimmy was saying, he obviously was trying to talk to her, since he was looking straight at her, and his lips were moving.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and she slowly turned her head to see Johnny looking worriedly at her. His mouth formed the words “can you hear me?” and Athalya shook her head, starting to freak out. But slowly, she started to hear Johnny, talking to her, the sound was faint at first and it went louder and louder until she could hear normally.
She looked at her surroundings and realised that she had been sitting not far from one of the amp. She made a face as she rubbed her ears frantically, making Jimmy and Matt laugh loudly.

“So what did you think?” asked Jimmy, twirling one his drumsticks between his fingers.

“Huh…” Athalya trailed off, feeling awkward as everyone was looking at her, waiting for her impression. “It was great?” she managed to say after a few seconds of silence. She saw Matt’s face falling a bit.

“I mean, you guys are great… But it’s not my style. I mean… You know… I listen to Green Day… And Billie Joe sings, he doesn’t scream… I’m just not used to that… And you almost made me deaf… You guys are great musicians, that’s a given… But it’s clearly not my music style… Sorry!” she apologized after her small blabbering/rant.

“Well, at least you are honest!” said Matt, reassuring her by flashing his trademark dimpled smile. Athalya smiled back faintly.

“And you Shortshit?” asked Matt. Athalya pursed her lips at the use of that nickname but said nothing.

“You guys are awesome, but I already knew that! Well, your bass player sucks… But anyway…” said Johnny, smiling and looking at Justin. The guys and girls all laughed and left the garage, they probably were heading to the kitchen. Justin grabbed a bottle of water and threw it at Johnny, purposely aiming at his head. And not in a friendly/joking manner. Athalya jumped on her feet just as Johnny dodged the bottle. She went to grab the bottle and walked over to Justin.

“Here, I think it’s yours.” She said, glaring at him. “And by the way, I’m pretty sure Johnny would be a better bass player than you are.” She said, taking a few step back. “Now come on, give it your best shot, hit me with that bottle…” she said, starring right back at him. Justin just starred at the bottle in hands while Johnny was looking over his shoulder, in case Matt or Jimmy would come back in the garage.

“You’re just lame! You wanted to hit him just because he’s younger and shorter but I’m younger too... Your last action just shows how lame you are!” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “Of course, I’m just saying that as a joke you know… Just like Johnny previously did… Oh, but you made a lot of jokes too about me… All pretty lame if I may add. I should probably smash your face with your own bass…” She took a few steps forward and patted his shoulder.

“If you felt insulted by what he said, maybe it’s because he’s right! You suck.” she said, grinning before turning her back to him and walking towards Johnny, grabbing his arm and pulling him into the kitchen where Matt was passing around cans of soda.

“Took you long enough!” said Jimmy, looking at her suspiciously.

“I just had a nice small chat with Justin.” She said, holding out her hand so she could give Johnny and Justin a can. She gave them their respective cans and followed Jimmy, Zacky and the girls upstairs.

“Athalya, don’t you want something to drink?” asked Matt.

“Nah thanks!” she said as she was halfway up the stairs. She heard Matt closing the fridge, while talking to Justin and Johnny.

“Where are we going?” asked Athalya, gripping Jimmy’s T-shirt as she almost tripped down the stairs.

“Matt’s room, just to hang out a little, then we will head off to Brian’s.” explained Jimmy. Athalya nodded and followed everyone as they entered a room. The first thing Val did once inside the bedroom was to walk over to the window and open it wide. Jimmy sat down on the deckchair and pulled Athalya on his lap. Everyone else pilled up on Matt’s bed.

“I wrote the beginning of a new song the other day…” said Matt as he closed the door behind Justin, Johnny and himself. Matt opened the first drawer of his nightstand and grabbed a notebook. He showed it to Val and Michelle, who then passed it over to Zacky, etc.

“Do you guys have any ideas about some Halloween costumes?” asked Val, moving on the bed so she was sitting on Matt’s lap.

“Zombie” replied Zacky and Justin at the same time, before glaring at each others, making everyone else in the room laugh.

“Snow White” said Michelle. Val nodded, smiling.

“Jeez, no idea… maybe a zombie too, or maybe that guy from ‘Halloween’” said Matt.

“Dracula” said Jimmy, nodding to himself.

“As a smurf” said Johnny and once again, everyone laughed. Athalya scrunched up her eyebrows but said nothing.

“A smurf is like a dwarf, but in blue with a little white hat and they live in mushrooms…” started Michelle, seeing the confusion on Athalya’s face.

“Ah, un schtroumpf!” said Athalya, her face lightening up.

“A what?” asked Matt.

“A schtroumpf!” repeated Athalya, smiling.

“When you say it, it sounds as if you were sneezing!” joked Zacky. Athalya stuck out her tongue at him.

“And you Val?” asked Justin.

“Marilyn Monroe” said Val.

“And you Frenchie?” asked Matt.

“No idea…” she replied.

“Well, you still have plenty of time to think about it…” said Michelle. Athalya smiled weakly and sighed in relief when the conversation changed and they started talking about some person at school. Athalya was only half listening.

“She’s a bitch… That’s the fucking bottom line...”

Athalya wasn’t listening anymore, she was looking at Matt’s room. Posters were covering the walls, his desk was just a mess, covered in piece of papers and magazines. Clothes were laying on the floor. A typical boy’s room. She looked at his CDs on a set of shelves. He had quite a lot of CDs, but no Green Day. Athalya’s face fell a little a she realized that they really weren’t listening to Green Day, at all. She shifted uncomfortably on Jimmy’s lap.

“Okay, let’s go Athalya…” said Jimmy. Athalya got up and waited for Jimmy before doing anything.

“Aren’t you staying for dinner?” asked Val, frowning slightly.

“No, we are going to have dinner at Brian’s.” said Jimmy, resting his hand on Athalya’s shoulder. “Are you staying Johnny or do you need a ride?”

Johnny got up and waved at everyone.
“Thanks for inviting me” he said, looking at Matt.

“No problem kid! See ya!” replied Matt, smiling.

“Bye guys, thanks for letting me tag along!” said Athalya, following Johnny out of the room and down the stairs, leaving Jimmy to say Goodbye to his friends.

“Okay guys, let’s go!” shouted Jimmy, coming down the stairs. He peeked into the living room.

“Bye Kim, bye Gary! Have a nice evening!” he said, waving at them before leaving.

Jimmy unlocked his car and Athalya let herself fall on the backseat, laying down. Jimmy chuckled and grabbed something on the floor before throwing it at her head and sitting down behind the wheel. Johnny sat on the passenger seat and waited for Jimmy to start the engine before he started messing up with the radio.

Athalya slowly lifted her hands to her face and took the thing Jimmy had thrown at her, turned out it was a hoodie.

“Thanks Jimmy!” she shouted, covering herself with the hoodie as if it was a cover.

“No problem, it’s Brian’s! He forgot his hoodie the other day.” he replied, smiling in the rear-view mirror before focussing back on the road.

Athalya nodded, curled up on the backseat and closed her eyes. She knew the drive would only last a couple of minutes but she was tired.

After a couple of minutes, she felt the car coming to a halt and heard the door opening.
“Thanks Jimmy! See ya tomorrow!”

“No problem kid, see ya!” and then the door was shut.

“Athalya, don’t fall asleep, we’re almost there…” said Jimmy.

“Huhuh…” was her weak reply. Too soon, the car was stopped, and the door opened, Athalya felt herself being dragged out of the car and she screamed.

“Okay, okay I’m awake!” she said, jumping to her feet. She glared at Jimmy and put the hoodie on, zipping it up before slamming the car door shut.

Because yeah, Athalya doesn’t close doors, she slams them shut.

Slowly but surely, she followed Jimmy to the front door. Once again, Jimmy didn’t even knock and entered the house. He let Athalya close the door behind them and went straight to the kitchen.

“Hey Suzy! Where’s Brian?” asked Jimmy, hugging the woman.

“In his room.” She replied, kissing Jimmy’s cheek. “Oh Athalya! Nice to see you!” she said, moving away from Jimmy to greet Athalya. She shyly made her way towards Suzy and hugged her.

“Roast chicken and rice for dinner, is that okay?” she asked, looking at Jimmy.

“Yeah, of course!” replied Jimmy. “I’m gonna see Papa Gates, Athalya, can you go and drag Brian downstairs please? I’m too lazy to go and see him.” He said, before leaving Athalya in the kitchen and went to the living room.

Athalya stood in the middle of the kitchen, speechless and looked hopelessly at Suzy who just smiled.

“Do you remember where his room is?” she asked.

“I think so…” replied Athalya, rubbing her neck.

“Well, it’s easy… When you’ll hear Green Day blasting, it’ll be his room.” She said, with a roll of her eyes. “I had no idea he listened to Green Day, not that I mind… But he has been listening to the same album for a week now, it’s unusual…” she added, before going back on her cooking.

Athalya slowly but surely made her way up the stairs and tried to hear Billie Joe’s voice. “Dry Ice” was blasting, like Suzy had predicted. Athalya made her way towards Brian’s room and knocked on it. She received no answer, she waited a few seconds before twisting the knob and entering Brian’s bedroom.