What A Wonderful Caricature Of... Intimacy

Bertranna walked up to us with an angry expression.
“Hey Bert” Sam said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.
“It’s Bertranna or Birdy, don’t call me Bert.” She replied with icy cruelty on her voice.

Sam, feeling already embarrassed, apologized and quickly made up an excuse to leave; something about meeting someone up or something. I wasn’t really paying attention. I hung my head down, I couldn’t look my own best friend in the eye, you know you’ve done something wrong when you can’t do that.

“Look at me” she said firmly.

I looked up and tears quickly formed in my eyes. Her hardened face turned into a concerned friend as she pulled me into a hug that I somberly accepted. I started bailing into her shoulder, ruining her shirt.

I don’t deserve her, I don’t deserve to be happy,I don’t deserve Nick.

“It’s okay” Birdy whispered as I continued to ruin her shirt.

“What’s…wrong…with…me” I gasped between my crying.

“Nothing…you’re…just confused” She said trying to form the sentence in a way that wouldn’t make me seem like what I actually am.

A no good, two-timing, undeserving to be happy, whore.

I soon stopped crying and Birdy walked me back to our dorm where she made me green tea. That’s what I loved about her. Whenever I was broken, she would fix me up. She walked to the couch with me, sat down on the couch and with a big sigh looked at me getting ready to ask a question.
“So…you like Sam.” She said.

“No” I replied.

“So, you have strong feelings for Sam” she rephrased.

“No”

“That what is it?” She asked frustrated and confused.

“ I don’t know!” I yelled feeling the same way.

I didn’t feel that way about Sam. Anytime I thought of love, marriage, anything like that, Nick was there; it wasn’t deep feelings for sure. That much I knew.
Bertranna looked at me hard, like she was trying to read my mind or something. Finally her eyes widened and she spoke.

“ You want to jump his bones!” She yelled jumping out of her seat on the couch and pointing at me. I jumped also.

“What?” I yelled wondering if I heard that correctly.

“You know! Jump his bones! Have sex with him, knock boots, take a ride on his disco stick, tear that ass up!” She yelled with an almost amused look on her face.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You’ve gone insane.” I replied, still partly yelling.

“Oh no my dear best friend” she said smiling “quick the opposite, I just figured out what almost made you cheat on Nick”

I winced and Bert noticed.

“Sorry” she mumbled. I sighed and nodded.

“Listen, you have been going out with Nick since High school” she explained. “And before him, you never had an actual boyfriend; you never experience the pure teenage lust of a teenager!”

“What so you mean I haven’t experienced it! I had sex with Nick!” I argued.

“No” she replied. “You made love to Nick. “

I widened my eyes, a light bulb went on in my head, and Bertranna was my Dr. Phil.
It all made sense now. I didn’t have feelings for Sam, I just lusted for him
…That didn’t make me feel any better.