Viktoria's Secret

“Hey Anton,” I breathed out. It was so relieving to hear his voice over the phone. It seemed like it had been months.

“Toria! How’s America?” My brother stifled a small laugh. He knew I didn’t want to be here. “How’s Pat?” He asked over the screaming children in the background. I winced slightly and pulled the phone about an inch away from my ear.

“Pat’s okay, I guess,” I told him, “he misses you,” I chuckled slightly. Patrik had always been good friends with Anton. I always used to joke about them being in love.

“What’s wrong, Tor?” Anton changed the subject without any warning. I could almost feel his baby blue eyes sharply watching me, even across the globe.

“I don’t know,” I whined, “I think I might have done something stupid, Ton,” I admitted, almost timidly. What happened at the club has been eating way at my brain for three days now. Patrik had yet to talk to me, and it felt as though everyone turned awkward when I entered the room when he was there. I definitely did something wrong. Anton let out a hearty laugh, and the sounds of the children faded away as I heard the click of a door close.

“How’s that different than any other day?” He joked. I rolled my eyes, and I’m sure he knew it. I decided to let out a sigh for extra effect. “I’m just kidding,” Anton spoke softly, “what happened?” I let out yet another exhale and began to nervously chew on the already torn apart flesh of my bottom lip.

“I don’t know, that’s just it,” I groaned agitatedly, “I went out for some drinks with Pat’s friends. The next morning, I woke up with a weird memory of seeing him with me before sleep. And then Taylor said I told Pat I love him…” I trailed off. I heard Anton sigh on the other line, a sound that was an exact copy of mine.

“So you’re thinking something may have happened?” I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. “Did you try to talk to him?”

“He avoids me like I’m the most contagious disease. I tried to talk to him the next morning; he just made up some excuse that he was busy and left. I’ve hardly seen him since, and if I do catch him, he doesn’t look at me, and he doesn’t stay for long.”

“I dunno, Viktoria. You hurt him a lot in the past. Give him some time, and maybe he’ll be willing to talk. Afterall, there is a lot he doesn’t know either..” My older brother made a valid point, sounding wiser beyond his short twenty six years of life.

A small voice crying out for her daddy ended our conversation right there. Anton told me he loved me and that he could call me again soon. I bid him my farewells with a sad feeling in the pit of my stomach. If there was anything that I missed about Sweden, it was Anton. After the wedding, he was my support system. He watched over me every night while I slept in his guest room. His wife, Britta, had made me dinner every night, and never once complained about the hormonal, freshly single little sister of her husband of only a short time. The two never once had asked me to leave, or showed any sign that I was a nuisance.

I threw my shiny new Blackberry onto my bed, then pulled a pair of plain black sweatpants over my bare legs, and then also found a sweater in my suitcases that I still haven’t gotten around to unpacking.

Everyone was at the rink, as far as I understood, and they’d be there for at least another hour. So I took advantage of the empty apartment. Turning up the volume on the surround sound, I began to sing along to the flowing sounds of Brand New, my favorite American band.

I started in the kitchen. All of the dishes were squeaky clean, the oven as well. The counter tops were all spotless and smelt like orange scented cleaner. I reorganized the refrigerator and all of its contents, and scrubbed the floor. After the kitchen was perfected to my liking, I moved to the living room. There, I separated all of the gaming consoles and all the games and put them in their rightful spots. I even replaced the light bulb in the lamp in the living room that has been burnt out since before I arrived. I vacuumed, dusted and danced around until I finally heard the door open. I turned my music off, and turned around to smile at my roommates.

“Wow,” Tj started, looking around with wide eyes. “It’s actually clean!”

“And it smells good,” Erik added. I grinned at them both. “Thanks for cleaning up, Tori.” I simply nodded at Erik. I felt accomplished, like I had actually done something with my life today.

I had been waiting for a call back from multiple places around the city for a job. Even though I hadn’t received anything, I didn’t let my hope down. There had to be something out there for me, right? Tj told me he was good friends with a guy who owned the down the street. He said something about scoring me a bartending and waitressing job. Couldn’t be that bad, could it? At least it’d keep me busy, and I’d have some sort of income.

I wasn’t sure how much longer I could survive in this apartment all day alone. It was getting difficult being the only one home most of the day. Even when I had my own apartment back home, I was still hardly ever by myself. My family treated me like a charity case. They were terrified of what I would do if I was left alone.

Patrik didn’t say a word to me, just went straight to his room like he had been for the past few days. It didn't catch me off guard, but I did feel my stomach drop. I pretended to not notice the sympathetic look Tj sent my way and Erik began to make a mess of the entertainment system all over again.

Patrik obviously had killed my decent mood, so I also simply sauntered off to my room, which was right beside his. I laid on my bed closest to the wall, hoping maybe I could hear him breathing. I rolled my eyes at myself. Sometimes I could be so naive.

Surprisingly, I did hear the vibrations of Patrik’s deep voice. He was on the phone with someone. I put my ear to the wall, with hopes that maybe I could decode what he was saying. I let out a sigh. Hopeless. That’s exactly what I was.