I Will Not Kiss You

Gerard insisted on walking me home. I told him I’d be fine but he said he didn’t want me walking through Jersey by myself. So I let him walk me back so that he’d be happy because he got what he wants.

“You guys going so soon?” Tyler asked as we came out and went round the other side of the counter.

“’Fraid so,” Gerard said, handing her a piece of paper “That’s what I need to pay for, can you get them to take it outta’ my paycheque?”

“Yeah, sure, Gee.”

“Ok, see ya Thursday.”

“Yep, bye.”

“Bye.”

“Bye, Frank.” She said, raising a hand to me “It was nice meeting you.”

“You too.” I replied.

Gerard smiled and leant against the counter until I walked over to him and we made our way out of the door. Tyler waved but I didn’t wave back because I didn’t know her very well. However, I did smile.

“C’mon,” Gerard laughed “You can flirt with Tyler some other time.”

“I can’t flirt because I don’t know how.”

“I’m sure you can flirt; you probably just don’t know when you’re doing it.”

“Mikey said that.”

“Did he?”

I nodded and Gerard laughed and said something about him and his brother having the same mind. Then he looked at me and shrugged. And I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know what to say. Gerard smiled as I glanced at him. I looked away again because I felt awkward.

It was a nice night. The sky was really clear and I could see all the stars. There was a gibbus moon as well, which looks very much like a full moon but it’s not quite a full circle shape. I liked looking at the sky, it stopped me feeling so strange in Gerard’s company. Gerard coughed beside me and I saw him cover his mouth out of the corner of my eye. That’s what you should do when you cough because it’s polite. Mom said it means you don’t look disgusting; like chewing with your mouth open looks disgusting.

“You ok, there?” He asked.

I jumped a little and looked at him. He was smiling and had his head cocked to one side. And then he chuckled a little when I jumped and said I was ‘jumping to attention’.

“I’m fine.”

“What were you doing?” He asked “Apart from the obvious.”

“I was looking at the stars.”

“I said apart from the obvious.”

“Is ‘I was looking at the stars’ the obvious?”

“Yeah,” He smiled “I was just wondering why you were looking at them.”

“Um…” I wavered because I found his question difficult.

I was looking at the stars because I wanted to because I like looking at them. And I like looking at them because they’re really pretty. It also makes me feel happy and calm when I look at them when I’m sad.

“I like the stars.” I concluded after five minutes of thought.

“Fair enough,” He shrugged “Do they mean something special or d’you just like them?”

And I didn’t say anything. He nodded and said ‘If you don’t know, that’s fine. I’m not gonna’ make fun of you’ and I said ‘Thank you’. Then I asked if he liked the stars and he said ‘It depends how I’m feeling’ and I nodded…

…Gerard insisted on walking me to my house. I could see someone watching through the living room window and I assumed it was Mom. They’d pulled the curtains back a little to try and peek through without being noticed. Gerard looked as well and asked who was spying. I said ‘I don’t know but it’s probably Mom because she never really has guests this late’ and he laughed.

“Ok, so um…I’ll see you some other time, yeah?” Gerard questioned.

And I said “Yes.”

“Maybe we could hang out again some time. Perhaps as ‘more than friends’ some time, if you want to.”

And I had to think about it for a moment. ‘More than friends’ means dating. But I don’t know anything about dating and I won’t be any good at it. I pictured myself dating Gerard and touching and kissing him. But I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.

“I think I’ll have to think about it,” I explained “Because I’m not sure about the whole ‘more than friends thing’ because I’ve never had someone who’s ‘more than a friend’.”

“That’s cool,” He smiled “Would you like to do this again some other time as friends?”

“Yes please. I had fun.”

He smiled and nodded. As he went to walk away after saying ‘Bye’, I wanted to reach out and touch him. Just pat his arm or put my hand on his shoulder. And that scared me because I’ve never wanted to touch someone before. I stopped myself from touching him and said ‘Goodbye, thank you’ and he said ‘Anytime’. Then I put my key in the door and went inside because it was cold.