I Will Not Kiss You

"Frank, for the last time, he is not my boyfriend!" Gerard said, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Gerard didn't look well today. When I'd said this to him he'd said 'Pfft, thanks.'. His hair was messy and greasy and he looked very pale and tired. And if there was a loud noise, he'd cover his ears and groan. I asked if he was hungover and he said 'No, just a bit sensitive.'. When I asked what he meant, he said his head was hurting a bit and he was a little bit light sensitive. He then said he'd be fine as soon as he'd got some coffee and good food down him.

He'd eaten a huge stack of pancakes and drunk six cups of black coffee. He wasn't even dressed. He was wearing some boxers and a dressing gown.

"But you were kissing him!"

"Yes, I was kissing him," Gerard said, sighing.

"So that must mean he's your boyfriend," I said "Because people only kiss if they're dating, married or if they like like each other!"

"Not always, Frank," Mikey said, walking in from the kitchen with three cups of coffee.

Mikey was wearing a new 'Metallica' t-shirt today that he'd been waiting for for three weeks. When he answered the door, he'd shown me and said 'It came! It came!'. There were two white coffees and one black coffee. Mikey gave me one of the white ones and I said 'Thank you'. Then he gave Gerard the black one and Gerard said 'Ta'. Mikey then sat down next to me on the sofa and started drinking his coffee.

"Mikey's right, Frank," Gerard said, taking a sip of coffee "Sometimes people kiss because. . . well, I don't know why. Sometimes they don't even like each other and they still kiss. It's. . . I don't know. . . Sometimes our-our feelings make us do silly things. Like. . . do you remember that lady that killed her husband and locked herself up with his body?"

I nodded.

"Well, her feelings made her do that. She was very angry and she acted in the heat of the moment. Do you understand? Sometimes your feelings will tell you to act in a certain way and you do it."

"I think I understand," I said.

"So, Gerard did what his feelings were telling him to do at that time. Like the lady," Mikey said "But it probably doesn't help he was drunk!"

As he said 'drunk' Mikey did what is called putting emphasis on the word. It means he said it louder and clearer. He also looked at Gerard as he said it.

"I was not drunk!" Gerard said "I was just a little tipsy!"

Mikey said 'yeah yeah' and Gerard hit his arm. I guessed Gerard didn't like Mikey saying that to him. Mikey was smiling and laughing as he rubbed where Gerard had hit him. Then he said 'touchy?'. Gerard didn't look happy. Mikey laughed again.

"Was he a good kisser then, Gee?" He asked, giggling when he saw Gerard's expression.

Gerard's expression was odd. He'd narrowed his eyes, his lips were slightly pursed and his eyes weren't shining like they normally do. Mikey giggled at him, covering his mouth. I felt scared because Gerard looked really scary and I didn't know what this face meant.

Gerard took another sip of his coffee, put his coffee down carefully and suddenly smiled at Mikey. His eyes were shiny like always and his teeth were showing.

"Why, yes, yes, he was, Mikey," Gerard said "He was a very very good kisser! And he was really packing, if you get my meaning-"

"EW!" Mikey shouted, making me jump and spill my coffee over because I was reaching out to pick it up.

Gerard jumped and swore as some coffee splashed onto his leg. This scared me. I sat very still and bit my lip to try and stop myself crying.

Gerard had gotten up and was in the kitchen, dabbing at his leg with a tea towel. When he looked up and saw me staring, I looked away from him and stared straight ahead of me at the wall. I was so stupid. Only stupid people spilled their drinks. I was stupid.

Why was I always doing stupid things? I clenched my fists. I felt very sad.

"Frankie, come on," Mikey said from next to me "Calm down, it's nothing to get upset about!"

I didn't say anything. I was trying very hard not to cry. I wanted to scream and hit something. Mikey reached out slowly and put his arm around me. He talked very quietly to me, touching my hair.

"It's fine, Frankie!" He said "Gerard's not angry or upset with you. The coffee was just hot and it made him jump. It didn't hurt him."

I started crying. And Mikey hugged me slowly, saying 'hey, hey'. This made me cry more and I started pulling on my hair. And Mikey suddenly grabbed my hands which made me jump and pull harder on my hair. I was still crying. Mikey was talking to me but I wasn't listening.

And then Gerard started talking. I felt very very scared because I'd spilled the coffee on him and he'd sworn. People only swear when they're angry. So he must have been angry with me, otherwise he wouldn't have sworn. I was still crying because I was so scared and sad.

"Frank?" Gerard said quietly.

I covered my face with my hands.

"Frank, would you like to come with me?" Gerard said "I won't shout at you. I'm not angry."

Mikey let go of me and I guessed Gerard had put his arms around me because it would silly of Mikey to let go of me and then put his arms around me again. Then Gerard said 'Come on' and made me stand up. And I started walking with him. We went out into the hall and upstairs to Gerard's bedroom. He told me to sit down , so I sat on the edge of his bed. Gerard picked up a box of cigarettes from his bedside cabinet, opened a window and put a cigarette in his mouth. Then he lit it.

Gerard blew the smoke out of his window and turned to look at me. I tried to stop crying, sniffing as I tried to stop. Gerard then picked up a box of tissues on his desk and gave them to me.

"Here, we don't want tears in this house," He said quietly "Come on, dry your eyes!"

He didn't sound angry and that made me feel better. I picked up a tissue and started to wipe my eyes. Gerard smiled and put his cigarette back in his mouth.

"Feel better?" He asked.

I nodded. He smiled again and said 'good'.

"I wasn't angry with you," He said, walking over and sitting down on the bed next to me "The coffee was just really hot! It didn't hurt! Look, see? Hasn't even left a mark."

Gerard then showed me his leg where the coffee had splashed just above his knee. It had been red when he walked back into the room but now it was almost back to its normal colour. It was a tiny bit pink.

"You don't need to get upset," Gerard said "I wouldn't have shouted at you unless you did it on purpose, and you never mean to hurt people - do you?"

"No," I said "It's bad to hurt people. Especially if you do it on purpose."

"Well, then," He smiled "I haven't got any reason to shout at you!"

This made me feel better and I smiled. Gerard smiled too and poked his cigarette out of the window, tapping it to make the ash fall off. He put the cigerette back inbetween his lips and smiled again.

"Tell, you what," He said "How about I make it up to you by taking you out for another coffee? And I'll buy you a muffin to go with it, yeah?"

I smiled. I liked going for coffee with Gerard.

"Yes, please. That would be nice."