One Step Forward and Two Steps Back

“I don’t think I can do this, man,” Travis said once he spotted Lauren…with Mike.

“Why not? They’re just talking,” Toddtried reassuring him. Travis just looked at him sideways. “And maybe standing rather close to each other. Just chill out. Lauren’s a flirty girl. This is just her being her,” he tried again.

This made Travis think. Todd was right. He’s known Lauren for about as long as he’s known Travis. Her acting the way she is now is just her. She’s always gotten along with men a lot more than she has with women. She told Travis that it has something to do with her mother. Travis has always known this and was ok with it…until now.

“Todd, I’m going to leave. Thanks for trying, but…” he trailed off as he unconsciously looked back in the direction of Lauren.

Even though he wanted to look away so badly, his eyes wouldn’t function properly with what his brain was telling them to do. The site in front of him was so horrifying to him; more horrifying than the thought of Luke and Lauren together. But now, seeing Mike and Lauren kissing, made Travis’s heart sink.

“Travis,” Todd said in hopes of getting his attention.

It didn’t work. By this point, Mike’s hands were wondering down her sides. If looks could kill, Travis would have had Mike murdered by now.

“Travis,” Todd tried, louder this time.

This attempt was successful. But he didn’t stay and converse with Todd. He pushed past him and made a beeline straight for the exit. Behind him, he could hear Todd yelling after him. He didn’t care. Just being in that building made him want to vomit.

He didn’t feel like being anywhere. The only place he wanted to be was away from Lauren…who was with Mike. He rushed out to a cab and took it back to his hotel. He knew he shouldn’t have gone. He knew something like this would happen.

Once he was back in his room, his thoughts were everywhere. He couldn’t even go to sleep when he lay down. His body was exhausted, but his mind just wouldn’t shut down. But he did eventually manage to get a few hours of sleep. If a certain someone hadn’t walked through the door late the next morning, he would probably have slept past noon.

He watched her as she quietly made her way through the room. Once she walked past him, he closed his eyes. She wasn’t in her clothes from the night before. Instead of her form fitting clothes from the previous night, a colorful Fox jersey hang from her petite frame. In big letters on the back was his name. MASON. The jersey ended a little above her knee. Travis sighed as he turned over, trying to get the image of her and him together out of his head.

“Don’t play possum with me, Trav. I know you’re awake. You can never fake anything around me,” she teased as he felt a new presence on his bed.

He managed to keep quiet. He couldn’t bear to look at her. A colorful sleeve appeared around his side. She was making this so much more harder for him. Giving into her, he turned onto his other side, to face her. He was amazed how stunning she looked. Going out the night before, he would think that her eyes would be bloodshot and possibly have dark circles around them, but they didn’t. She looked so rejuvenated and just… happy.

“Morning. How was your night?” she asked cheerfully.

“You don’t want to know,” he replied callously as his eyes refused to look up into hers.

“Yes, I do. Tell me, Trav,” she said with her same pitch.

A few sighs escaped him as he mumbled a few words. Lauren was unable to make sense of any of it.

“Are you ok? You’re usually the happy one in the morning. Not me,” she remarked, sensing something was wrong.

“Just some things happen last night,” he simply said as he glanced up at her for a whole two seconds.

“Travie… what happened?” she said in a sweet, caring voice.

“It’s nothing. Just some things with Potter,” he said, in some manner, telling the truth.

She eyed him oddly before accepting, reluctantly. A silence fell over them that made Travis want to pull his hair out. He wasn’t about to ask how her night went last night. He already had a pretty good idea.

“Best trick’s tonight. You excited?” she asked in her same lively manner.

“I guess,” he huffed out.

“You know what, Travis? If you’re going to have this shitty attitude with me, then I’m not going to even try talking to you. I don’t need this,” she said rudely as she pushed off his bed and put her hands on her hips.

“I wouldn’t have a shitty attitude if you would have actually came back last night,” he said just as rudely back as he pulled himself from the bed.

“Are you kidding me?”

“No,” he shot back quickly.

“Oh my god,” she said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Please tell me how you expect me to act right now, Lauren,” Travis said softening his tone now.

“I don’t know. But just because Mike and I are together doesn’t mean…”

“You and Mike are together?” he spat with his tone changing back again. Lauren just nodded her head slightly. “But you guys just met.”

“I like him, Trav,” she said as her eyes dropped from his. She couldn’t stand to look into his eyes that were full of hurt.

“I’ll see you later tonight,” Travis said, unable to be in the presence of her any longer. He slid a shirt over his head before starting for the door.

“Trav,” Lauren said in attempt to make him stop. “Travis, wait,” she went on as she caught up to him. “Travis Alan Pastrana,” she said louder this time as she grabbed his arm to pull him around.

She succeeded, but hated the look in his eyes. It made her lose all thoughts of what she was going to say. Travis couldn’t help it. His heart was taking over for his brain that seemed to not function properly at all. As he leaned in towards her, all thoughts of her and Mike left his mind.

Lauren knew it was wrong to not refuse him. She had someone to fill the void of Travis, but she couldn’t let herself pull away from him. Her hands worked up to the back of his neck as the kiss was deepened. Travis pulled away slowly, regretting what he had just done. He wanted her so much more now, but he couldn’t have her. The whole situation just made him even more confused.

Lauren looked up at him as a smile threatened to show through. She went to lean into him again, but he turned his head. A confused expression came upon her face as the smile turned to a frown.

“Do you feel that when you’re with Mike?” he asked as he reached behind him and opened the door.

Lauren stood there stunned. No words were capable of working their way out of her. Travis gave her a look of loathing and a headshake. He wanted to make a comment, but decided against it. He couldn’t bring himself to. Just because he wasn’t happy with her right now, doesn’t mean he needs to make her unhappy with him. With one last look at her, he turned around and walked out the door.

“Travis, wait,” Lauren said, finally finding her voice.

Travis didn’t stop. He just continued his way down the hall without even turning back around to glance at her. Lauren hated the way she felt. She always hated doing these things to him. But she had to. If she couldn’t be with him, then she needed to find someone that made her just as happy as Travis made her. So far, that person was Mike. She turned back around to go into the room. She shut the door and rested her head against it.

“I can’t be with you,” she said softly to herself, knowing that Travis would not hear it.

She thought that if she kept telling herself that, then she would eventually believe it. With her head still pressed against the door, she glanced down at the brightly colored jersey hanging from her torso. A smile came over her as the memories of last night came cascading back to her. As she made her way through the empty room, she hugged the oversized jersey close to her. The scent of Mike filled the air around her; something that numbed the thought of Travis.

She lay down in her bed, cuddling the jersey tighter around her. The act caused her to smile again. Mike may not be Travis, but he was the closest thing she was able to find.