What It Takes

Madison

"And that last kiss I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes it harder
I wish I could remember

But I keep your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling, who knew?"

It was unbelievably hard. I regretted with every fiber of my being. This was such a stupid and bad idea. I could hardly even believe it happened. But it didn’t matter anymore. Sitting at the long, oak table across from Peyton and his father’s lawyer, it hurt; it hurt a lot. But then I would remember that it was my fault (and Mr. Berman’s incredibly bad timing) that we were in this situation.

I looked up from my hands at Peyton. He was staring down at the table with his hair in his face. I looked back down. “Okay so you both agree that the house will be sold and each of you will get half of the price it goes for?” Mr. Berman said. “Yeah,” Peyton mumbled. “Madison?” I looked up slowly. “Oh, uh, yes.” They scribbled things down on a notepad.

I really couldn’t handle this.

“Okay, so we’re just about done. Madison you just have to sign a few things.” He handed me a pen. I stared at it for a moment before he pointed to a dotted line on a large packet of paper. Dotted line after dotted line and my signature started to look like a foreign language. I heard the pen scratching across the paper on the other side of the table.

Part of me wanted him to stand up, declare his love for me, and rip the papers in half. If he did, I didn’t know what I would do. I was kind of looking forward to my freedom. There were so many things that could happen now.

“And this is the last signing before you are officially divorced.”

I bit my lip and glanced up at Peyton. He was watching me cautiously, his eyes red. I held his gaze for a moment before looking down at the empty line. I gripped the pen and wrote my name on the line. I looked up and dropped the pen on the table. He watched me with a blank stare, and signed his name.

“Well, that’s it. You can leave,” the man across the table said. I nodded and scraped my chair back, standing up quickly. I shook his hand, along with Mr. Berman, and thanked them both. I stepped out into the same waiting room I had waited in only about a month ago and took my coat off the hanger. As soon as I was bundled in it, I stepped outside and texted my mom to come get me. She called me a moment later.

“Madi, hon, I’m caught up at work. I can’t get you right now.”

I tapped my foot. “Mom, I need you to come and get me. I have no other way over to the house.” The door opened and Peyton stepped out, his gaze averted.

“Look, I’m sorry but I’m busy.”
“Mom, I just got a divorce. I need you to come and bring me to pick up my stuff,” I complained. She hung up on me and I groaned, aggravated. I leaned back against the building and shut my eyes tightly, trying to think of who could pick me up. “Uh, Madison?” I heard gently. My eyes popped open and I saw Peyton standing in front of me.

“I’m going over to the house so if, uh, you need a ride, I could bring you,” he said. I bit my lip, raking my teeth over the overly abused flesh. “That would be great. Thanks a lot,” I said, propelling myself off the wall. We walked side by side and silently. It was dreadfully awkward.

I got into the familiar car as he fiddled around with the heat. As he pulled out of the parking lot, a familiar song came on. “Oh, sorry,” he said, reaching out to turn the radio off. “No, don’t. I like this song,” I said, and he nodded. I hummed along to the parts that I didn’t know. “You are the only exception,” I mumbled. “I didn’t know you liked Paramore,” Peyton said.

I shrugged. “It must’ve been on Fuse or something,” I said quietly. I played with my fingers as the song ended and another came on. Fate was on my side allowing it to be a Cobra Starship song. The ride was short and silent after that. When we pulled into the driveway I thanked him again and got out, walking up to the door. I still needed someone to bring me home, me and my leftover stuff.

So I called Will, who was constantly there for me, regardless of the fact that I always treated him like shit. “Madi? Is it over?” he asked. “Uh, yeah. I was just wondering if you could come by the house and bring me home. I only have like, two suitcases left.” Peyton walked in and looked at me solemnly before climbing the stairs. “Sure, no prob babycakes. Katelyn will be with me but that’s okay, yes?” he asked. “Yeah, I’ll see you in ten?” I confirmed. “Ten,” he assured before hanging up.

I sighed and went upstairs to pack the last of my clothes. All the furniture and appliances were being sold with the house. Peyton was in the bedroom too, gathering the last of his things. We were silently moving around each other. I cleared my throat. “So are you going to Albany with your parents?” I asked shyly. He looked at me. “I don’t know why it’s any of your business, but yes. We’re leaving tomorrow,” he said bitterly. I looked down at the half full suitcase.

After a few more minutes of opening and shutting drawers to double check, I heard the door open and close downstairs. “Madison?” I heard Katelyn call. “I’ll be right down!” I yelled, zipping the suitcase. I pulled it off the bed and dragged it down the stairs.

“I’m assuming this is your other one,” Will asked, pointing to the black suitcase at the base of the stairs. I nodded and he took the handle of it. “Ready?” he asked and I looked around. “I guess,” I said quietly, a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
As we were about to leave, I heard my name being yelled. I looked up to see Peyton running down the stairs. “Here you almost forgot this,” he said, holding out the pearl earrings my parents got me for Christmas. “Oh wow, thanks,” I said. He was watching me carefully, his hair falling in his eyes ever so slightly.

I was surprised when he pulled me into a tight hug. I felt my throat constricting and the feeling of crying overwhelming me. I hugged him back just as tightly, squeezing his body into me. “I love you Madison,” he said in my ear. The tears were pricking the back of my eyes as he let go. “I love you too,” I said tightly.

I wanted to leave, get out so bad so I could ball my eyes out. I went up to him and kissed his cheek lightly. I bit my lip, looking at him one last time and picking up my suitcase one last time. We walked out of the house and placed it in the trunk. I slid into the backseat with Katelyn and fingered the necklace that he gave me for Christmas. I looked back as Will pulled out of the driveway to see him standing in the doorway, wiping his eyes with his sweatshirt sleeve.

“Why did I fucking do this?” I asked, leaning into Katelyn and letting myself cry. I couldn’t hold it in. I couldn’t hold it back. I knew everything. I could see it all clearly now.

I made the biggest mistake of my whole fucking life.