Hurricane

July 2005

Today my mom wasn’t working which meant I wasn’t going to Pete’s. It was weird. And it was fine at first. I got to sleep in and take my time with my shower. But it didn’t take long for me to start feeling lonely. My recent elevated mood was starting to spiral downward into a puddle at my feet. My mom had tried to talk to me—but it didn’t help. She was taking care in what she said, like if she was worried that if she said something I didn’t like then everything would just come crashing down. That I would become an instant wreck. But it was her efforts to speak carefully that were also bringing me down.

I found myself comparing her to Pete. Pete would say what he wanted and if he said something I didn’t like or didn’t want to talk about, I’d tell him and he’d stop. And Pete would give me space. My mom kept checking on me for what felt like every ten minutes. I was starting to lose it.

After my mom checked on me for what felt like the hundredth time, I crept into the bathroom and locked the door. I was hoping here I could get some space. I sat on the cool bathroom floor, leaning my back against the bathtub and let out a sigh. I tried focusing and telling myself that I could do this. It was only today and I’d be at Pete’s tomorrow. I only had to make it through today.

But those thoughts were quickly forgotten when I heard my mother.

“Molly?” I heard her say. And then there was a knock on the bathroom door. “Molly? Are you in there?”

The doorknob rattled as she tried to turn it.

“Molly?” she said again and I could distinctly hear the panic in her voice. “Answer me Molly.”

I sighed.

“I’m fine, Mom,” I said. “Can you just leave me alone for once?”

“Molly, open the door,” she said, ignoring my request.

“Mom,” I said. “Leave me alone.”

The doorknob rattled some more and my eyes filled with tears before sliding down my face. I realized then that my mom might never trust me. And if she did, it would be a while. I let out a sob.

“Molly?” she said. “Please don’t do anything. Everything’s going to be fine.”

I shook my head even though she couldn’t see me.

“Please open the door Molly,” she said, trying to sound calm, but failing.

“I’m not opening the door,” I said loudly, my voice shaky. More tears came and I didn’t even try to speak when my mom started yelling for me to open the door. I brought my knees to my chest. I didn’t even bother to try and stop crying. I pressed my hands to my ears when my mom started banging on the door. Why couldn’t she just leave me alone?

At some point the banging stopped and it was silent, except for my sobs. I wiped at my face but I was still crying. I was starting to enjoy the silence when it was interrupted.

“Molly?”

When I heard my name, it was said by someone I hadn’t been expecting. I was standing quickly and moving to the door. I pulled it open and quickly wrapped my arms around Pete, burying my face in the crook of his neck. I held onto him tightly as if to prove that he was actually there. But I was also scared that if I let go, he would leave. His arms slowly made their way around me and I let out a sob.

“What’s wrong?” he asked quietly his hand rubbing my back in a soothing way. I shook my head as best as I could before lifting my head to look at Pete. He brought a hand to my face and wiped it carefully.

“She wouldn’t leave me alone,” I whispered, talking about my mom.

“Your mom’s just worried about you,” he said. I shook my head again.

“She kept checking on me ever ten minutes,” I said. My eyes were watering again. “She doesn’t trust me. Why can’t anyone trust me?”

Pete wiped away the tears that escaped.

“I trust you,” he said quietly. “But you shouldn’t lock yourself in the bathroom. Your mom was really worried.”

“I don’t care,” I said. “She doesn’t understand.”

Pete nodded his head before pulling away from me a bit more. He kept an arm around me and we started towards my room. I didn’t see my mom and I was glad. I yawned when we entered my room and I felt really tired. I stepped away from Pete and got into my bed, lying down.

“Tired?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said quietly, shutting my eyes. I heard my door shut and opened my eyes to see Pete watching me. “Thank you.”

Pete smiled and came over to the bed. He sat on the edge and I moved back a little.

“You can lie down if you want,” I said, yawning again. Pete stared at me for a moment before pulling his shoes off and getting under the blanket. When he was situated, I moved closer and Pete put his arm around my waist. I could feel his breath on my face and I smiled slightly, glad that he was here. I closed my eyes and right before I fell asleep, I felt Pete’s lips on my forehead. I smiled sleepily, and then I was out.