Learning How to Swim

“Hey, Valentine. Do you like hamburgers or maybe some chicken?” Steven called to me as I opened the gate. He was standing at a grill.

“I’m not really hungry,” I told him, sitting down at the table in his backyard.

He came up to me with a burger anyway. It looked normal enough despite all the seasoning on it. “Nonsense. Eat it.”

I sighed, taking a bite and placing it back down on the plate. He took a bite out of his, smiling gently.

“Did you talk about me again?” he asked, wiping his mouth with his napkin.

I hugged myself. It was September and it was getting rather cold. It was probably around six o’clock.

“Yeah. She asked if we were still friends. I told her yes.”

“You cold?” he asked quietly, tilting his head. I shook my head, but he took off his hoodie. He was wearing a blue, long-sleeved V-neck shirt. I took it, thanking him as I slipped it over my head.

“What is this on the sleeve?” I asked, making a face.

He smiled apologetically. “I’m a bit of a klutz. I took up skateboarding a few years back, but I failed epically. I fell a lot. It’s blood, but I promise I have no STDs.”

“Oh.”

He was silent for a bit as he took another bite of his sandwich, chewing it thoroughly. I stared at mine, waiting for it to move. “What’s wrong?” he asked suddenly, taking my plate from me and carrying it inside along with his. He came back and sat down beside me, giving his full attention to me.

“It’s just... My sister told me to save her, so I’m trying to do that. But now my therapist is telling me that she needs to help herself! She wants me to watch her drown and—”

“She’s drowning?” he asked, stopping me for a second.

“She told me that her disorder is like drowning and she can’t breathe. What am I supposed to do? I can’t just watch as she sinks further underwater!”

“Please, calm down, V,” he begged, grabbing hold of my shoulders. I shut up. “Okay, just take a deep breath for me.” I did as I was told. “I understand where you’re coming from. But you can’t let her depend on others for help all the time. That’s not healthy. She won’t always have you around.”

“But that’s not fair! I can’t just let her suffer alone,” I told him, tearing myself from him and standing up. I paced back and forth in front of him.

“Alyssa, believe me. I’ve been through this, too. She has to learn to deal with this by herself eventually. Until then someone just needs to watch over her.”

I stopped pacing as he stood up and walked towards me. I don’t know why, but I kept staring at his lips. He was saying something to me, but all I could do was watch his mouth.

And I leaned closer, kissing him suddenly. His lips were so soft. But he pulled back, nodding as if he knew something I didn’t.

“Alyssa, this isn’t the right time for that,” he told me, backing away.

“What do you mean? What did I do wrong?” I asked, hugging myself.

“It just felt entirely inappropriate.”

“Oh, yeah. I get it.”

“V—”

“No! Do I have to have reasons to kiss you? Is there only one specific situation in which I can kiss you? Do you have a whole list of ways to make a kiss inappropriate?” I asked him, scowling.

“Yeah, I kind of do. I mean, it’s not written or anything, but it’s in my head.” He smiled, kind of. “Alyssa, you’re upset about your sister. I don’t want to make out with you for that reason.”

“I didn’t kiss you because of her! She doesn’t run my life! Know what? Forget it!” I started walking to the gate, but turned around. He was still standing there. “I kissed you because I wanted to.”

“But we’d been talking about your sister.”

“Because you wanted to! We always talk about her!”

“I suppose we do,” he agreed.

I shook my head, slamming the gate behind me.

“I’ll talk to you later,” he called after me.