Status: Being Composed
I'm a Juvenile Delinquent, I Can't Fall for a Cop!
Driving
When I finally got removed those two lumps of muscle-y lard from my body- AKA Pierre and Matthew- I went outside to my car, and Deyton went to his. My car was practically silent with my awesome muffler and extra horsepower. I sped down the road in my Porsche Boxster S, which I traded in and fixed before going to the Clown House called a Police Station. The top was down and the wind pounded against my hair and face. I closed my eyes briefly; this was as close to flying- freedom- as I was ever going to get.
“WATCH IT!”
I slammed down on my brakes, since we were on an empty street anyway, and opened my eyes to the same unoccupied strip of cement with the identical white dotted lines down the center. There was nothing much to watch. “Yes?”
I saw Deyton grit his teeth through my peripheral vision, clearly unnerved by truly seeing me drive for the first time with the top down, without worrying about me crashing his car into a dumpster. Which was very funny by the way; I posted a video on YouTube.
I sighed. “I’m sorry, are you still upset about what happened earlier? There is no need to take it out on my driving skills; I promise not to cry if you say it to me bluntly.”
“You mean your complete LACK of driving skills?!”
“Oh, you don’t deny it!” I cried dramatically. “And plus, if I were not an excellent driver, you losers would have caught me when I was 14. Duh- common sense! I just happen to drive recklessly.” I started speeding again and pulled big black shades over my eyes and yanked my hood over my head. Deyton seemed to have sworn himself into a Pact of Silency and didn’t talk, but tailed me. I pulled into a dark alleyway and made a few turns. I stopped at about two blocks off from our destination then opened my glove compartment to start sticking guns and ammo into my bra, belt, etc. He watched me.
“I’m not growing a beard or turning into a marine animal, so you can stop staring and start arming.” I rolled my eyes. My innocent Pumas, a beautiful black and white, had blades installed in the heel and the toe, but I tucked a couple of throwing stars inside anyway.
I pulled on black fingerless gloves with a couple tiny needles hidden in them soaked with a knockout drug that I had no idea what was called. It worked like Ambien, which for those out there who have no idea, is the most common sleeping pill in California. I jumped out of the car as an alternative to using the door, then pressed a button for the top to close. Deyton’s eyes were still glued to me; someone needs to take away his Elmer’s.
“What? I knew you jerk-offs would make me join sooner or later, so I “borrowed” these from a Japanese weaponry store. You honestly thought I expected to run for the rest of my life? I’m not stupid; I know what the alternative is to the smelly prison life.”
I laughed at his stunned expression and winked before starting to walk down the road. He, having quickly exited his vehicle and locking it, caught up to me and grabbed my arm. I reflexively shook him off. “What?” I crossed my arms and looked at him.
“We’re supposed to just waltz in and ask to capture the boss? Aren’t we supposed to have a plan?” Deyton looked at me in disbelief. I’m starting to think he ate the wrong mushroom for breakfast and got high- what other logical explanation is there for him to stare at me all day like I’m the idiot?
“Do you have a camera?” I asked.
“Yeah, my phone.” He answered
“Okay. We’re sneaking in through an old back entrance no one knows about. We sneak in and take a picture of the stash, then find Lastorino, handcuff him and hold a gun to his head, then go back to Chicken Coop. And then your boss is going to give new instructions that we might or might not follow. Back to now, we’re staying back-to-back so that no one can sneak up on us, and I think you have a tracking device on your tooth so that King Kop knows where we are, right?”
“Chicken Coop? King Kop makes a little more sense, but ‘Chicken Coop’?”
“Uh, yeah. Since when do you and your buddies stop squawking? ANYWAY,” I raised my voice a little as he was about to defend his masculinity, "let’s get going. If anyone stops us, we are either going to pretend to be making out- KEY WORD “pretend”- and hope they go away. They do have a strip club in there somewhere, so it should work. After we take the picture, we can light the shit and make sure we set off the fire alarms. In the panic, we find our target. Good?” In the meantime, we had walked down the two remaining blocks and reached a seemingly eerie dead end, a grimy brick wall with dirt on the floor and some scattered trash. It was even too nasty for rats, and there was a ton of uprooted dead grass on the floor from where it existed sometime in the last century.
I pushed solidly on one of the black bricks on the wall, and it shifted back after a few seconds, just a couple of centimeters or so. Reaching over, I took Deyton’s wrist lightly and tugged him over to where I was standing. I pushed another brick, cringing in disgust at how disgusting and dirty it was. At the fifth one, I hesitated and took Deyton’s hand.
“You are not to mention this to anyone.” I glared at our intertwined fingers.
“I always knew you thought I was sex--”
I cut him off by kicking a brick solidly with my foot, and there was a metallic click, and we were plummeting straight down into darkness.
“WATCH IT!”
I slammed down on my brakes, since we were on an empty street anyway, and opened my eyes to the same unoccupied strip of cement with the identical white dotted lines down the center. There was nothing much to watch. “Yes?”
I saw Deyton grit his teeth through my peripheral vision, clearly unnerved by truly seeing me drive for the first time with the top down, without worrying about me crashing his car into a dumpster. Which was very funny by the way; I posted a video on YouTube.
I sighed. “I’m sorry, are you still upset about what happened earlier? There is no need to take it out on my driving skills; I promise not to cry if you say it to me bluntly.”
“You mean your complete LACK of driving skills?!”
“Oh, you don’t deny it!” I cried dramatically. “And plus, if I were not an excellent driver, you losers would have caught me when I was 14. Duh- common sense! I just happen to drive recklessly.” I started speeding again and pulled big black shades over my eyes and yanked my hood over my head. Deyton seemed to have sworn himself into a Pact of Silency and didn’t talk, but tailed me. I pulled into a dark alleyway and made a few turns. I stopped at about two blocks off from our destination then opened my glove compartment to start sticking guns and ammo into my bra, belt, etc. He watched me.
“I’m not growing a beard or turning into a marine animal, so you can stop staring and start arming.” I rolled my eyes. My innocent Pumas, a beautiful black and white, had blades installed in the heel and the toe, but I tucked a couple of throwing stars inside anyway.
I pulled on black fingerless gloves with a couple tiny needles hidden in them soaked with a knockout drug that I had no idea what was called. It worked like Ambien, which for those out there who have no idea, is the most common sleeping pill in California. I jumped out of the car as an alternative to using the door, then pressed a button for the top to close. Deyton’s eyes were still glued to me; someone needs to take away his Elmer’s.
“What? I knew you jerk-offs would make me join sooner or later, so I “borrowed” these from a Japanese weaponry store. You honestly thought I expected to run for the rest of my life? I’m not stupid; I know what the alternative is to the smelly prison life.”
I laughed at his stunned expression and winked before starting to walk down the road. He, having quickly exited his vehicle and locking it, caught up to me and grabbed my arm. I reflexively shook him off. “What?” I crossed my arms and looked at him.
“We’re supposed to just waltz in and ask to capture the boss? Aren’t we supposed to have a plan?” Deyton looked at me in disbelief. I’m starting to think he ate the wrong mushroom for breakfast and got high- what other logical explanation is there for him to stare at me all day like I’m the idiot?
“Do you have a camera?” I asked.
“Yeah, my phone.” He answered
“Okay. We’re sneaking in through an old back entrance no one knows about. We sneak in and take a picture of the stash, then find Lastorino, handcuff him and hold a gun to his head, then go back to Chicken Coop. And then your boss is going to give new instructions that we might or might not follow. Back to now, we’re staying back-to-back so that no one can sneak up on us, and I think you have a tracking device on your tooth so that King Kop knows where we are, right?”
“Chicken Coop? King Kop makes a little more sense, but ‘Chicken Coop’?”
“Uh, yeah. Since when do you and your buddies stop squawking? ANYWAY,” I raised my voice a little as he was about to defend his masculinity, "let’s get going. If anyone stops us, we are either going to pretend to be making out- KEY WORD “pretend”- and hope they go away. They do have a strip club in there somewhere, so it should work. After we take the picture, we can light the shit and make sure we set off the fire alarms. In the panic, we find our target. Good?” In the meantime, we had walked down the two remaining blocks and reached a seemingly eerie dead end, a grimy brick wall with dirt on the floor and some scattered trash. It was even too nasty for rats, and there was a ton of uprooted dead grass on the floor from where it existed sometime in the last century.
I pushed solidly on one of the black bricks on the wall, and it shifted back after a few seconds, just a couple of centimeters or so. Reaching over, I took Deyton’s wrist lightly and tugged him over to where I was standing. I pushed another brick, cringing in disgust at how disgusting and dirty it was. At the fifth one, I hesitated and took Deyton’s hand.
“You are not to mention this to anyone.” I glared at our intertwined fingers.
“I always knew you thought I was sex--”
I cut him off by kicking a brick solidly with my foot, and there was a metallic click, and we were plummeting straight down into darkness.
