Between You and I

The doctor had no other questions for me and sent me on my way to another room, where I found out that I’d be staying the night.
“Can I have Eric stay the night in here with me? I just really need to be with someone right now.” I said in the calmest voice I could muster up.
The nurse looked at me with a pained expression and nodded. “I’ll go see what I can do.” She left and came back five minutes later, Eric in tow.
“The doctor said in normal situations, he would’ve denied your request, but in rape cases, he allows one person to stay with them. Would you like an extra bed?” She asked.
We both shook our heads.
She smiled. “Alright. Just call if you need anything.” She left the room.
Eric flew into my arms gently. I hugged him tightly while he was careful with me. “How are you feeling?”
I sighed. “Better than before, but that’s not saying much. The doctor wants me to talk to the police and see if they can catch Craig. I really don’t want to do that; I don’t want him doing anything to us if he finds out that police are after him.”
“I’m not gonna let anything happen, to anyone, especially you. I should’ve tried to stop him, but he basically had us as gunpoint; if we would’ve tried, we both would’ve died. You have no idea how much it hurt me to see that happen, and how easily it could’ve been stopped. I feel so horrible for basically letting that happen. I could’ve done so much more.” Eric said, tears falling onto my shoulder.
“You did all you could without getting killed, that’s all I can ask for.” I said quietly. “I don’t know how I’d live without you, Eric.”
He hugged me tighter. I didn’t show signs of the slight pain he caused.
“Do you want to go to bed?” Eric asked softly, leaning away from me, rubbing my back like he knew he hurt it.
I pressed my lips against his tenderly. “I don’t care what we do, as long as you stay here with me.”
He smiled sweetly, then moving to lay down. I laid down as well, making sure he had enough room. As soon as we were both laying down, though, the enough room thing didn’t matter, because Eric wrapped his arms around me, pressing me right up against him, staring straight into my eyes. He kissed my nose and ran his fingers through my hair. “It’s all going to be okay, Matt. When we leave, we’re gonna put this whole thing behind us.” He whispered, tears falling down his visible cheek.
I scooted closer to him, scooting down slightly, nuzzling myself underneath his chin, cuddling with him. I closed my eyes as Eric kissed the top of my head. “I love you.” He whispered.
“Love...you...” I said, yawning, then falling asleep almost instantly.
If I thought I was in pain last night, it was nothing compared to the pain I felt when I woke up the next morning.
“Ow, ow, ow.” I repeated to myself, trying to get up to use the bathroom without waking up Eric. It wasn’t a successful attempt, though.
“Matt, what are you doing?” Eric asked in a drowsy, half asleep voice.
“I’m fine, just go back to sleep. I’ll be right back.” I said, finally slipping off the bed and slowly walking to the bathroom.

We left the tour the next day. I can’t handle doing anything remotely close to touring right now, I’ve been too emotionally damaged. My body’s okay, but my mind is almost beyond repair, at least it seems like it. Every night before I fall asleep, I have one of those in between sleep and consciousness dreams, and it’s always about that horrible night. Even with Eric there, I never find comfort from the horrible images, those awful feelings. I wake up every time in tears, and usually don’t get back to sleep til early in the morning. Eric’s been doing nothing but worry about me, which is making him lose sleep as well. I feel so bad for doing this to him, but I can’t control what happens.
A couple weeks after we left the tour, Eric and I were sitting at my house, hanging out, watching a movie. I didn’t concentrate on the movie so much as I did the little hole forming in the couch we were laying on. I’ve never had the attention spans for movies, I either fall asleep or daydream throughout the whole thing.
“Matt, sweetie, can I ask you something?” Eric asked, playing with my hair.
“Sure.” I said, looking up at him.
“Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist or anything about what happened? I bet you’d be a lot happier if you let someone help you.” Eric suggested, his voice slightly unsure; unsure of what my reaction was going to be.
I sighed. “I’ve thought about it, but I honestly think it will be a waste of time and money. I don’t think any amount of therapy can help me.”
“I wouldn’t knock it til you try it. Just give it a shot, see if it does at least a little.” Eric sighed, letting the hair he was messing with fall back onto my head. “I hate seeing you mope around like you always do, it’s not you, it’s not the Matt I used to know. You shouldn’t let something take over your life completely and consume your happiness.” Eric explained.
I stayed silent, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Everyone else agrees with me. Don’t make us go all Intervention on you, ‘cause we will.” Eric added on.
A slight smile spread across my face, but it didn’t last long. Smiles never did anymore. I found them pointless. Why smile if you’re really not happy?
“Just try it, please. I want the old Matt back, the Matt I fell in love with.” He said, sounding sad and desperate.
I looked into his eyes, and they looked sad and desperate as well. He really wanted me to do this.
I sighed, turning to face him, running my fingers slowly though his red hair, still staring into his gorgeous green eyes. I pressed my lips to his tenderly, placing my hand on his neck. “I want to be the Matt you fell in love with again.”
Eric hugged me tightly. “Thank you so much.”
“You know I’d do anything for you.” I said softly in his ear, resting my head on his shoulder.
The next day, Eric took me in to see the closest therapist in town. His name was Brandon.
Eric and I stepped into his cozy office, smiling at him. He smiled back, then got slightly confused as we both sat down on the couch. He flipped through some papers, quickly skimming something. “This isn’t my couples therapy, is it? At least, that’s not what you’re here for, am I correct? Which of you is Matt Traynor?”
“That’s me.” I stood up, going to shake his hand.
“And we’re definitely not here for any sort of couples therapy, we’re not having any problems.” Eric said, smiling.
“Oh, okay, I understand now. Sorry for the confusion, but Matt is the only one that’s going to be in the room during his sessions. All information is confidential between the two of us. So if you could step out for a little bit, Mr..?” Brandon explained, trailing off once he got to Eric’s name.
“Lambert. Eric Lambert.” He said, also getting up and shaking Brandon’s hand.
“Alright, Mr. Lambert, if you could step out, we’ll call you back in once we’re all finished.” Brandon said, in a polite, yet authoritative tone.
I looked at Eric and smiled at him, leaning in for a quick kiss before he left.
“Good luck.” Eric whispered in my ear before kissing my cheek.
I smiled and my eyes followed him out the door.
Once the door was closed, I took a seat on the couch, feeling slightly nervous about this whole thing now that Eric wasn’t here to help me out. I didn’t want to spill my whole life story to someone I didn’t know.
“Alright, Matt, how are you feeling about this whole situation right now?” He asked, moving to a big puffy chair beside the couch with a notepad and pen in hand.
“Nervous, to be honest with you.” I said.
“Why do you feel nervous?” He asked again.
Oh god, I could already tell this was going to get annoying.
“Well, wouldn’t you feel nervous if you were telling a complete stranger your whole life story?” I asked.
“I’m the one with the questions, Mr. Traynor, remember that.” He said in a serious tone, then scribbling something down. “Alright, so lets start with your relationship with Eric. How did it start?”
And there it began. I poured my heart out to this guy, telling him every detail of our past, good and bad parts. I swear he was smiling throughout the whole part about Eric and I drunk fucking at Travis’s house. I had to prevent myself from rolling my eyes.
“Well, you seem like a healthy individual, what brings you here?” Brandon asked.
This is the part I was the most nervous about. No one but me and the rest of the band know exactly what happened that night.
“Before I say anything, promise you won’t report it. Any of it. The consequences of doing so would be severe, not to you, but to me.”
He looked confused and slightly shocked at the seriousness in my tone. “Yes, of course.”
I sighed. “Well, the band was on tour, and our ex-vocalist was following us around. One night, when Eric and I were...together...I heard a knock at the van door. I opened the door and saw no one. I walked out of the van and looked around to see if anyone was there. Then I headed towards the venue, looking for the rest of the guys, and the ex-vocalist pulled me out of my way and tried to have his way with me. I eventually kneed him in the balls and ran for my life. His second attempt...” My words got caught in the back of my throat. I’ve never actually talked about this in detail out loud to anyone.
“Go on, Matt. Just let it out.” Brandon insisted.
I sighed, my breath shaky. “Jared and I were out walking the town. I got a text from Eric telling me to come back to the hotel room we were staying in. Jared and I complied and when we got there, we saw no one. Then Eric called out to us from another part of the room. That’s when Craig knocks me out and my memory goes black.
I wake up, tied up on a bed, naked, Jared and Eric sitting on the opposite side of the room of me, staring at me with such horrified expressions on their faces. Then Craig came in and...” I sniffled, wiping my tears.
Brandon handed me a few tissues, which I took. I felt a sob building in my chest. I hid my face in my hands, bringing my knees to my chest. “Oh god, it was so horrible!” I shouted, letting myself go, letting myself sob and ball into my hands.
Brandon let me calm down before talking again.
“So that’s why you’re here? To just...let go of all those bad memories?” Brandon asked, writing frivolously, seeing extremely interested in my story.
I nodded, sniffling, throwing my tenth tissue into the garbage can next to me. “I just want to be me again, because right now, I’m not me. I’m always sad and tired and just...dull. Like I’m perpetually stuck in these sad, depressed emotions, and I don’t want to be.”
He nodded, still writing, then looking at the clock. “Well, we’re going to have to start the actual therapy aspect of this next time, because we’re five minutes over our time together. Just set up your next appointment with my secretary down the hall, alright?” He said, standing up.
I stood up as well, stealing his box of tissues, shaking his hand. “Alright, thanks, Brandon.”
He smiled, nodded, and I left his office.
Eric looked up at me once I walked out the door, automatically jumping into my arms. “Are you okay?”
I sniffled and nodded, and for the first time in a while, I actually meant it. Letting all of that pent up emotion out lifted a lot off my shoulders. I leaned away to kiss him. “I think we’ll be coming back here again. This therapy thing is good.”
Eric smiled widely at me, our lips colliding again as I squeezed him tighter against me, and he did the same.