Between You and I

We got to the reception desk, and the woman behind the desk smiled cheerily at us, like she did all of Brandon’s other patients.
“How did it go for you, if you don’t mind my asking.” She asked, looking at her computer.
“It went well.” I said simply, smiling at Eric, squeezing his hand.
“That’s good.” She said in a sickly sweet voice. “Now when can I schedule you next?”
“When’s your next open day?” I asked, eager to get back in here.
“Lets see…Brandon’s next opening would be on Friday, at 4 pm. Should I put you down for that, Mr. Traynor?” She asked, getting ready to put my name in the system.
I shrugged. “Sure, that works for me.”
She smiled at us again, then typing furiously at her keyboard until she lightly grabbed a business card out of the holder and wrote when my next appointment was.
We thanked her and left the office.
“She needs to smile less, and be more human, have other feelings besides excessive joy.” I said, getting into Eric’s car.
“She just likes her job, I guess.” Eric said, pulling out of the driveway and heading towards my house.
For the first time since that night, I’ve been thinking about getting intimate with Eric again. Before this, I never thought I’d be thinking anything of the sort, that I wasn’t going to drop my pants for nobody, even if it was Eric, and even if it did make him mad. I smiled at myself for starting to overcome that whole horrendous nightmare.
Eric glanced at me, smirking. “What are you so happy about?” He asked.
I sighed, the smile not leaving my face. “Nothing really, just feel like smiling, since I sort of have a reason to now.”
He just smiled at me and turned his eyes back to the road, not questioning my motives. I looked happy, I was smiling; he didn’t need a reason for anything, he was just happy that I was happy.
As I thought about what I was going to do, I chickened out at the last second, not following through with my plans. I didn’t hint toward it, making him clueless of what I wanted to do and how I was afraid to do it, even though I knew I could trust him.

“You’re going to therapy? And didn’t tell us?” Jared asked, sounding offended.
I looked around at the rest of the guys, feeling bad for not telling them sooner.
“Yeah, I had my first little session thingy two days ago, and my second one is on Friday.” I said, smiling a little.
“Well at least you’re getting help. All your moping around and shit was really pissing me off.
I was seriously about to start yelling at you soon.” Beau said, putting his arm around my shoulder while everyone got a good laugh out of that.
“Do you think it’s helping?” Mike asked.
“A little. After I left I felt better, but those feelings didn’t last very long.” I said.
“Just give it time, man, give it time.” Beau said.

The next session, Eric wasn’t allowed to come in with me again.
“Lets pick up where we were last time. You got through why you’re here, is that correct?” He asked, flipping through my file folder. Great. I have my own file folder after one visit.
I nodded, looking at the floor.
“Okay, tell me all the emotions running through your head before, during, and after.”
I was confused, feeling frustrated. “What does that have to do-”
“Uh uh, no questions.” Brandon said, shaking his finger at me, like I was 5.
I sighed. “I don’t know, confusion, fear, worthlessness, hopelessness, helplessness, do I need to go on?”
“Why were you feeling that way?” He asked, ignoring my annoyance.
I stared at him, questioning his sanity. “Um, I got fucking raped, I’m pretty sure you’d be feeling the same way if you got so brutally humiliated in front of your boyfriend and best friend.”
“Why did you feel humiliated?” He asked again, writing like this was a race.
“I was weak and defenseless against someone I could’ve beaten, that I could’ve taken down, but no, I let him take advantage of me and…” I sniffled. “God dammit, every time I talk about this, I always cry. It’s so fucking annoying. I just wish none of it would’ve ever fucking happened.”
He was silent, giving me a minute to calm myself. When I appeared calm to him, he continued, looking down at his paper. “Now, who’s your best friend?”
“Jared.” I answered.
“Oh, that’s right.” He said, scribbling some more stuff down. “Alright, Matt, I’m going to have you step out for a little bit, I want to ask Eric some questions.”
“Oh, okay then, let me go get him.” I said, confused, but I didn’t question him. I needed a break already, which was kind of pathetic.
I opened the door, and Eric looked at me with a furrowed brow. “Done already?”
“No, Brandon wants to talk to you alone. I don’t know what about, but he just asked me to come get you.” I explained, hugging him tightly.
“You okay, sweetie?” He asked, rubbing my back.
“Yeah, I’ll make it. Now go before he thinks were ran out on him or something.” I said, touching my lips to his briefly before letting him go into Brandon’s office. I was tempted to listen in on their conversation, but I decided that it was confidential, and I’d respect all the aspects of confidentiality.

Eric’s POV

I started pulling at my hair while I waited for Matt to get done. The anticipation was eating me from the inside out. I wanted to go in there, to hear what they were talking about. I felt like I wasn’t doing enough to help this whole situation, like I didn’t care, even though I did, more so than Matt probably knows.
I heard the door opening and I sat up, fixing my hair. I looked up and saw Matt, his eyes slightly reddened, meaning that he was crying. He couldn’t be done already, they still had another half hour to go.
“Done already?” I asked.
“No, Brandon wants to talk to you alone. I don’t know what about, but he just asked me to come get you.” He hugged me tightly.
I felt so helpless. I wanted to do more. “You okay, sweetie?” He asked, rubbing my back.
“Yeah, I’ll make it. Now go in there before he thinks we ran out on him or something.” He said, kissing me softly before he let me go. I went in and smiled at Brandon as he returned the favor.
“Matt said you wanted to talk to me?” I asked, still confused. I took a seat on the couch and threw my feet up onto it, making myself comfortable.
“Yes, yes I do. I just need to ask you a few things.” He said, looking through a stack of papers. Were those all Matt’s?
“Shoot.” I said, ignoring my curiosity.
“How is your sex life?” He asked bluntly.
I almost fell off the chair. “Excuse me?”
“How often do you two get intimate with each other?” He asked again.
I looked around the room, avoiding looking at him at all costs, otherwise I’d turn into a cherry tomato. “None of this is getting out to Matt, right?”
He shook his head, smiling a little. “100% confidential.”
I sighed. “We haven’t done anything remotely close to intimate in about a month, ever since that night. I understand why he doesn’t want to do anything, but it’s been a month, he should be willing to do it with me, I am his boyfriend, and he should trust me the most of anyone. I mean, I still love him with all my heart, that won’t ever change. I didn’t fall in love with his body, though really nice, I fell in love with his mind, his heart, the things that are actually worth two shits. Whenever I want to do something, though, I never want to force something on him, because I don’t want him getting mad at me for it.” I paused, looking at the ground, letting out all of my tension about the lack of sex between us. “He should at least try it. He’s never going to know if he never tries again.”
The tip of his pen moved fast across the pages of his notepad. I really didn’t want this to get to Matt. It would make him feel horrible.
“Alright, Mr. Lambert, that’s all I needed from you. You can go ahead and bring Matt back in.”
“I thought you said a couple things?” I asked.
“You got everything I wanted to ask answered. Thank you, Mr. Lambert.”
I nodded and got off the couch.
I peaked out the door and saw Matt sleeping on the bench outside Brandon’s door. I had to hold in my giggle. He looked so cute when he slept.
I woke him up, regardless of my mind telling me not to. He needed to finish his session.
He looked up at me with groggy eyes, smiling slightly at me. “What did I miss?”
I smiled and helped him stand up.
“It’s your turn again.” I said, opening the door.
“Thanks, Eric.” He said, closing it softly behind him.