Your Eyes Shine Like The Stars At Night

>JACK’S POV<

Alex, Matt, Zack, Rian and I were relaxing on our bus, watching some show or other. I kept zoning in and out, thinking back to what Scarlett had said to me the day before. “Just seeing your face makes my blood boil”, she’d said. Pretty generic, but I was almost positive that those words hurt worse than anything I could have endured if I was a soldier during wartime.

“Jack. Jack! JACK!” Alex yelled, slapping the back of my head when I didn’t respond. “Snap the fuck out of it. You’ve been in this weird funk since Saturday. What the hell.” He almost sounded annoyed with me, and I guess I couldn’t blame him. Ever since the intervention I’d scheduled for Scarlett failed, I had been distant with the guys. I didn’t go out and party with them, I didn’t join in when they were making perverted jokes, and I didn’t even seem happy onstage anymore. It was my fourth day with almost no sleep at all. Truthfully, I was a wreck.

“Fucking say something, dude,” he coaxed. “You’re like a zombie; I don’t even know if you’re alive, or just walking around like some living-dead guy.”

“Mmm, the latter,” I mumbled.

“This isn’t about Scarlett, is it?” he asked with an exasperated sigh. I merely shrugged. “It’s about Scarlett,” he nodded, answering his own question. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

Again, I just shrugged my shoulders. “I’m going to bed.”

“It’s eight-thirty,” he pointed out.

“Yup.” I lifted myself from the couch, heading towards the bunks. I stopped short when I heard the door open, wondering who would be coming into our bus when we weren’t doing anything exciting whatsoever. I turned around to see who it was, and low and behold, Scarlett was standing idly in the doorway. She looked nervous, and the whole room fell silent. “Hey guys,” she whispered with a small smile.

The guys nodded back to her. I still just stood there outside the door to the bunks. “Um, can I talk to you guys for a sec?” she asked awkwardly.

“Yeah, sit down,” Rian replied, nodding his head to the empty seat I had been in minutes before.

She slowly made her way to the chair, sitting down and looking at her hands, which were folded in her lap. “So, um…I just wanted to say…” she paused, exhaling deeply. “Okay, look. I’m really and truly sorry for being such a bitch to you guys on Saturday. Really. I feel bad about it, and I really just want this to go away.”

Zack wrapped an arm around her shoulder, smiling at her. “It’s okay. We want it to go away, too.”

Matt nodded. “Yeah, we’re good. We still love you,” he chuckled.

“Good,” she said, obviously relieved. “I still love you guys, too.” She hadn’t even looked at me, and it seemed as though she was only directing her apology towards them.

I waned to interject, but really, what would I say? “Are you apologizing to me, too?” I’d seem like such a dumbass. I was assuming she was still pissed at me, and rightfully so, I suppose. But all I had wanted to do was help.

“So, are you okay and everything?” Alex asked her quietly.

She rolled her eyes, probably tired of discussing her eating disorder by now. “Yes, I’m fine. I’ve always been fine. I haven’t ever had a problem with eating, and I’ve never intentionally vomited. I just want to clear that up.”

The room fell silent. We all knew she had a problem, but here she was, straight up lying to us all, once again. Rian changed the subject. “So we’re all on good terms now, right?”

“Yup,” she said happily. After hugging each one of them and skillfully avoiding me altogether, she said her goodbyes and went back to her own bus. I was still on her bad side, apparently.

As soon as the door closed, four heads turned to me, not knowing what to say. “I, uh…” Alex started, scratching the back of his neck.

“Yeah, don’t say anything. I’m going to bed,” I whispered, my voice cracking.

>SCARLETT’S POV<

I felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and for the first time in the last five days, I smiled genuinely. I closed the door of All Time Low’s bus, and headed back towards my own. I made sure while I was on the bus to not look at Jack’s face, because I knew that he would look sad, and that was the last thing I wanted to see. I knew that if I saw him upset, I’d immediately melt give in, but I also knew that this was something I wasn’t going to budge on. So I just didn’t look at him.

“Hey bitch!” Brittany exclaimed when I got into my bus. She was spending a little bit of time on my bus to hang out with my bandmates and I, allowing her boyfriend and his bandmates to have a “guy’s night”, which, according to what I saw while I was in there, consisted of light drinking and watching some football game they’d saved on their TiVo.

“I made nachos!” Darren yelled at me, walking out of the kitchen area with chips and cheese. I inwardly cursed him, wishing he hadn’t brought up food. I knew that I’d have to eat some of it, just to prove that I actually did eat. Even though I really didn’t. But I wasn’t about to tell them that.

I nibbled on a chip, trying to act as if nothing was wrong. No one was actually watching me, but I knew they were all testing me, because every once in a while, one of them would steal a quick glance at me.

I downed about ten chips successfully, sickened at the thought of what I was doing by digesting something so unhealthy. I wanted nothing more than to get rid of it, but with them all on the bus, I’d have to do it somewhere else.

Then I’d remembered: we were staying in this town for the next two days, because we were scheduled to play at the same venue the day after tomorrow that we had played in today. Tomorrow, we had another free day. So that meant that, since we weren’t driving anywhere tonight, I could quickly run up to the venue, and purge in the bathroom connected to our dressing room. It was almost nine at night, and none of the guys had any reason to be in there at this time, so I would be all alone. It would be just a quick in-and-out kind of thing, then I’d be back here without anyone questioning my motives.

All I had to do was think of a diversion; a reason for me to tell them I’d be going to the venue. A lightbulb suddenly turned on in my head. “Hey guys? I think I left my purse in our dressing room in the venue. I’m going to go get it real quick.” My purse was actually hidden in my bunk, so no one would have known that I was lying. I smiled and they waved as I stepped into the cold night to do the one thing that was probably going to end up killing me.

>JACK’S POV<

Forty minutes. Forty minutes was how long it had been since Scarlett left our bus. Forty minutes was how long it had been since I’d gotten into my bunk. Forty minutes was how long it had been since I had attempted to sleep. And forty minutes was how long it had been before I started counting the minutes passing instead of actually closing my eyes and sleeping.

I suddenly remembered that I had left my cell phone in the dressing room that the venue had provided for us, so I figured that maybe if I went to go get it, I could somehow get my mind off Scarlett. I knew it was probably a lost cause, but it was worth a shot.

I went into the front lounge, telling the guys where I was going, and exited the bus. I took long strides, walking slowly to the entrance of the venue. I told the manager what I was doing, and he allowed me access into the back where our dressing room was. All Time Low shared a dressing room with The Catastrophe, but I assumed I’d be the only one in there. It was nearly ten o’clock, after all.

I searched the tables and couches until I saw my iPhone stuck between the couch cushions. I was about to leave the room when I heard a series of disgusting, heaving sounds. Not sure what to make of what was going on, I listened closer to see if I could find out where the noise was coming from.

It sounded like it was coming from the back of the room, where the restroom was located. I put my ear to the thin, wooden door, listening closely. It seemed as though someone was gagging. But surely no one would be here at this hour, when there wasn’t a show going on, would they?

Knocking lightly on the door, I waited patiently for a response. But I got none. I noticed the door was unlocked, so I slowly, but carefully, turned the knob and opened the door halfway.

What I saw horrified me.