Going Alone

I laid back onto the patient’s table and got the small video camera out of my purse. I turned it on and pointed it at myself, pressing the record button, flashing a smile to the camera.

“Hey Alex. It‘s me again.” I heard a knock on the door and it opened a moment later, “I’m at the doctor’s office for the 4th month check up.”

“Can you lift your shirt up, Mae?” He asked, getting the ultrasound machine set up.

I lifted my shirt up, and showed my slightly swollen stomach to the camera, “Has it gotten bigger?”

The doctor put some gel onto my stomach and rubbed the wand around, trying to find the small lifeform hidden inside of me. He finally got it and turned the screen towards me, and I pointed the camera at it. There was a tiny human visible, curled up into a ball. Tears pricked my eyes and I tried to blink them away.

“Do you want to know the sex?” The doctor asked, turning the screen towards him.

“No, I don’t think so.” I said, facing the camera towards me.

“Your baby looks healthy. Good fluid and heartbeat.”

“I still wish you were here.” I sighed and pointed the camera back towards the screen, zooming in, “That’s your baby!”

The doctor handed me a tissue and I wiped up the gel, throwing it away in the trash can. I stood up and pointed the camera back to me.

“See you next month.” I shrugged and smiled, turning the camera off.

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When I got home, I uploaded the video to my laptop, and saved it, then burned it to a disk and labeled it “Month 4.” I popped it into a CD case and then into a manila envelope. I wrote down Alex’s’ tour manager’s address, since it was the closest thing to him I could find, and stamped it with the correct postage. I put it in the out-going mail bin that my apartment had, and waltzed into the kitchen. Browsing the pantry and fridge, and not finding anything to my liking, I groaned, grabbing my purse and coat and walked out of the house, down the stairs, and up the street to the local supermarket.

I’ve been mailing Alex the appointment videos ever since I’ve been going to the doctor, which this was my second time. I haven’t got a response, but my logical side told me I wouldn’t and that they thought I was just some crazed fan. But my emotional side, which is very emotional right now, told me that he would rip open the envelope whenever he got a new one and watch the video over and over again. I laughed whenever I thought about this.

I grabbed some organic macaroni and cheese and then some organic milk and walked up to the cash register, grabbing a non-organic candy bar along the way. Gently placing my items on the conveyor belt, I took out my wallet, waiting for the cashier to tell me the price.

“When do you work next, Mae?” He asked, scanning my items.

“Five.” I sighed.

“Cool. So how was your appointment?” Gavin asked, bagging my items, “$7.32”

I handed over a $10 bill, “It went really good.” I smiled.

“That’s always nice to hear.” He handed me my change, “See you later.”

I grabbed my things and walked out of the store.

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“Yes!” I smiled, clocking out, “Time to go home.”

“Lucky.” Aimee smiled, stocking some yogurt.

“Well, I’ve been working since five today. I deserve a break.”

“That’s only five hours though!” Aimee whined.

“How about you be four months pregnant, and then work, huh?” I asked, scolding her, “Stay in school and don’t have sex.”

“I know, Mae, I know. You tell me this everyday, it’s like you’re my Mom.”

“Well, I just don’t want your life to be ruined, like my might possibly be.”

“Mae, come on, your life is fine!”

“I have to go, Aimee, bye!”

I rushed away from her and out the front door to my house. Once I got there I unlocked the door and stepped in, lighting a candle. I set my purse down and collapsed on the couch, sighing deeply. I took off my shoes, throwing them across the living room and massaged my sore, swollen feet. Turning the TV on, I laid down and covered myself with a blanket. It was beginning to be December in New York and my heating wasn’t the greatest.

While I was watching TV, I absentmindedly drummed on my stomach while thinking about tomorrow. My house was pretty lonely with just myself, and I already set up all of my baby things. I organized their nursery room twice and it’s been painted. I officially had nothing to do. I looked to the TV and saw a dog commercial. Suddenly, I had the idea to adopt a dog.

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“So what kind of dog are you looking for?” The owner of the pound asked, walking me around the kennels.

“Well, currently I’m pregnant.” I beamed, rubbing my stomach, “So something that would be good with kids.”

“Hmm, well, we have a little Beagle.” She smiled, leading me over to a small dog.

I bent down and poked my hand into the cage, urging the poor Beagle to come closer. Reluctantly, it got up and made it way over to me, sniffing my fingers warily.

“He’s very shy.” She nodded, bending down to his level.

“What’s his name?” I asked, turning my head towards her.

“Bagel.” She smiled, “Bagel the Beagle.”

“Clever.” I laughed, nodding my head. “I’ll take him.”