Cold As You

I tugged my shirt back on as Sidney buttoned his pants, it amazed me that I was feeling more awkward now that I was getting dressed than I felt when Sidney was undressing me. I avoided looking at him as I continued to get dressed, and even when I finally had put all of my clothes back on, I still felt self-conscious.

"There's this thing tonight," Sidney said. "You should come to it. I'm sure Sarah, Addie, and Vero will be there."

"Okay," I said with a small nod. "Yeah, I'll go."

"Dress nicely, okay?" He informed me as he made his way to the front door. I watched him longingly, biting my lip to try and keep the words that I so badly wanted to say from coming out. He turned and smiled brightly as he stood halfway out the door, and I just couldn't stop the word vomit from coming out.

"I love you," I told him, my eyes going wide as the words left my lips. He looked less surprised than I did, but still didn't say anything. Instead he just maintained his smile and nodded once.

"See you tonight," he grinned, shutting the door behind me.

"Shoot me in the fucking head," I muttered as I sunk down on the couch. I groaned loudly and just lay on my back staring up at the white ceiling for what felt like forever until I finally decided to do something productive. Since I had already showered, I decided to get dressed and call Sarah and Addie to see what they were up to. When I was clad in a blue strapless dress with white polka dots and a pair of white sandals, I left the house to grab something quick to eat as I found out what my friends were doing.

I called Sarah first only because she lived closer and I felt like I had a better chance of just storming into her apartment and dragging her outside than I did with Addie.

"Hellooo?" She sang into the phone.

"Hey," I said shortly as I grabbed my muffin and tea from off the counter at Dunkin Donuts and walked over to an empty table.

"What's up gurlie?" She asked.

"You wanna do something? I'm kinda bored," I admitted.

"Max and I were just leaving to go grab something to eat," Sarah explained. "I'm sorry chicka. I can call you when we're done eating though; Max has to go somewhere anyway."

"Yeah, okay," I nodded, though she couldn't see me. "Oh! Are you going to that thing tonight?" I asked her, not really even knowing what this "thing" was because Sidney had never specified.

"That fancy dinner thing?" She asked. I could practically see her roll her eyes and it made me giggle. Fancy dinners were certainly not Sarah's style. "Yeah, I'll be there. I'm guessing slash hoping you will be too..?"

"Yeah, Sid invited me just before," I said, brushing my bangs out of my face.

"Thank God, Addie's going too. I really hope we'll be at the same table, otherwise I'll just take full advantage of the open bar and Max will be embarrassed by me," she joked. I could hear Max mumble something in the background and then a loud smacking sound followed by a giggling "fuck you" from Sarah. "But I'll see you there, alright? I gotta go."

"Kay, see ya later Sar."

I closed my phone and opted to text Addie next, hoping she was willing to come out and listen to me bitch and moan for a while about how weird Sidney was being. Unfortunately for me though, she was busy doing something with Kris as well and once again my best friends decided to ditch me for their boyfriends. I thought about calling Vero, but ended up not after deciding being rejected three times in a row would just get my mood even farther down. I knew she was most likely spending time with Marc just as Addie and Sarah were with their boyfriends. Sighing, I ate my muffin and drank my tea and left Dunkin Donuts alone, just as I had walked in.

Normally, the fact all of my friends were with their boyfriends wouldn't bother me. I understood they had known their boyfriends long before they met me and that was okay with me because I usually had Sidney to hang out with otherwise.

But now things were fucked up beyond comprehension and the fact I had told him I loved him wouldn't make this easier. Or they could. Or he'd just find someone better. Or maybe I was just thinking too much into things and needed to stop doing so in public because of the many stares I had received as I walked home.

With nothing else to do I decided that maybe I just needed a day to pamper myself. And by the time this fancy dinner rolled around maybe I'd look good enough for Sidney to want to talk with me. And just maybe things would for once in my life, go the way I wanted them to.