Under Jersey Skies

We’d just come back from Recess and I had a double of the most annoying subject ever, Math. I had no friends in this class, so I had no distractions, meaning I got more work done than usual, But today was different, I couldn’t seem to bring myself to focus on my work. My mind kept drifting back to Frank, everything had been so right since I’d gotten with him, I’d never imagined I could be as happy as I was right now, and I wanted it to last forever.

“Hey, Jackie” said a familiar voice, and I looked up to see Sean Walters turn around in his seat.
“What?” I half snapped, I was still pissed at him for taking advantage of me at Danica’s party two weeks ago.
“Don’t tell me you’re still pissed about what happened?” he snapped.
“I was drunk Sean! And you hit on me! You didn’t even apologize” I said.
“Sorry” Sean said, rolling his eyes.
“Mean it Sean!” I snapped.

He let out a sigh, and smiled warmly.

“Sorry Jackie James, for hitting on you at Danica’s party, I promise it won’t happen again” he said in a kinder tone, and I could hear a hint of humour in his voice.
“Apology accepted” I smiled.
“Anyways, it might not be what you wanna hear, but Danica wanted me to invite you and your friends to her party this Friday” he told me, biting his lip.
“Hmm” I sighed, thinking of what to say.
“I promise I won’t hit on you again, I know better now, I nearly lost Danica for what I did” Sean explained.
“Okay” I smiled.
“Sweet, but just for the record, could you really blame me? You’re hot” he chuckled.
“Thankyou” I laughed…

***

It was lunchtime, and as I approached the others, I noticed Gerard wasn’t sitting with them. We hadn’t seen a whole lot of him since he’d started hanging out with Bert, and he’d seemed sad lately, I’d asked Mikey if he had any idea why, but he’d told me he was as clueless as I was. Frank was the first to get up, bounding over to greet me with a warm hug and a kiss.

“So where’s Gerard?” I asked Bob once I’d sat down between him and Frank.
“Take a wild guess” he replied sourly.
“With Bert’s crowd again?” I guessed.
“Spot on” he said, frowning.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, I’d never seen Bob this upset before, he might not have been crying, but I could tell he was angry.
“Oh, let’s see, my best friend since Year 8 suddenly decides he’s too good for us and fucks off with some drug-fucked bastard” he shot, but I could tell he was feeling guilty for talking to me like that.
“Bert does drugs?” I asked in shock, he’d seemed so normal when I’d met him.
“Pot mostly, but I’ve heard he does Heroin too” Ray chipped in.
“And he’s got Gerard smoking again, I went in to check on him last night and I could smell it in his room” said Mikey.
“Gerard smoked?” I said, he’d never told me that.
“Yeah, when he was in year nine, Gerard was pretty messed up for awhile, and he started smoking to help him deal with it” Mikey explained.
“What happened when Gerard was in year nine?” I asked carefully, just in case it was something he’d rather not talk about.
“That was the year that…” Mikey gulped, and went silent.
“The year their Grandma died” Frank finished for him.
“I’m so sorry Mikey” I said sympathetically.
“If I’d known…” I began, but Mikey cut me off.
“No, it’s okay Jackie, really” he said.
“But the impact of her death really got to Gerard, they’d always been really close, she was the one who taught him how to sing and draw” he explained.
“And so once she died, Gerard got really depressed, and that depression made him start smoking” said Ray.
“It took us months to get him to stop, but in the end, he did, because we told him it was eventually going to kill him, and that sure as hell wouldn’t have been what his Grandma wanted” said Frank.
“So once Gerard got over that, we started jamming together again, and that’s when Gerard wrote Helena, in honour of our Grandma’s memory” Mikey explained.
“Helena was your Grandma?” I asked, the words I’d heard Gerard sing were starting to make sense now.
“Actually, her name was Elena, but her friends always called her Helen, so Gerard and I always knew her as Helena” said Mikey.
“Wow” I answered simply, Helena had been an amazing song, but until now I had never known how much the song really meant to Gerard.
“Speaking of which, we haven’t had band practice in ages, and we have Music last lesson, you guys up for it?” Bob asked, trying to lighten the atmosphere a little.
“Sounds great, I miss my guitar anyhow” said Ray, and the rest of us nodded in agreement…

***

“Hey Jackster!” Mrs. Lynch greeted me enthusiastically, hi-fiving me as I walked in the door to the Music Room.
“Hey miss” I replied shyly, I still wasn’t used to Mrs. Lynch’s hyper personality.

The boys soon followed close behind and the five of us went straight to the back room to set up. Bob grabbed his drumsticks out of his bag and Mikey pulled out his Bass from it’s carry bag as Ray and Frank hooked their guitar’s up to the amps and started tuning them. That’s when it hit me, Gerard wasn’t there.

“Hey, it’s been at least ten minutes since Lunch ended, where’s Gerard? We need him” I said.
“Don’t wait up for him, it’s his own fault” sighed Ray.
“Yeah, you take over today, here, I snagged these from Gerard’s room last night” said Mikey, handing me a sheet of paper.

It was a song Gerard had written, and the title read: Headfirst For Halos. Ray started up on his guitar and Frank and Mikey soon joined in, with Bob following close behind on drums.

“Well let's go back to the middle of the day that starts it all, I can't begin to let you know just what I'm feeling” I sang.

It was a love song, with a Peter Pan’ish twist, which I quickly found upon singing the next few lines.

“And as the fragments of my skull begin to fall, Fall on your tongue like pixie dust just think happy thoughts”

“And we'll fly home, We'll fly home, You and I, We'll fly home”

The first verse and chorus repeated once more, before the final eight lines.

“Think happy thoughts, Think happy thoughts, Think happy thoughts, Think happy thoughts, Think happy thoughts, Think happy thoughts, Think happy thoughts, Think happy thoughts”

“Woo!” I sang with a jump.

It was such an upbeat song, so joyful and happy, and I liked it. It was just a shame that Gerard wasn’t here for me to tell him that, I wanted him to know how much I liked it.

“Pixie dust? Think happy thoughts? It sounds so Peter Pan” I chuckled.
“Gerard played Peter Pan in a school production when he we were little” smiled Mikey.

I smirked, picturing an eight year old Gerard dressed up in green tights, dancing around onstage singing “I Don’t Wanna Grow Up”

Naww, that would’ve been so cute…