I'll Tear Down the Stars for You

“So Ebony. You never told me what happened at the café yesterday,” I looked up from my Heat magazine to look at Mark.

“I didn’t tell you because nothing did happen,”

“Apparently you’re on the news so something must have happened,” he wasn’t going to shut up till he got some sort of answer from me, was he?

“The paparazzi followed Bill and Tom to the café and they saw Tom drag me to the corridor. But I swear nothing happened. I told him that I had moved on and that me and you will be together for a long time,” the smile on his face was for once a genuine smile which made me smile back in return.

“I’m glad you said that because I hope we stay together for a long time too,” Is Mark being romantic? That really isn’t like him, “I lo-“ before Mark could finish his sentence, there was a knock at the door. I stood up as Mark groaned and went to the front door and opened it, revealing a delivery man holding a large bouquet of red roses. What is Mark up to?

I signed a letter to say that I had received the flowers and shut the door with my right foot as I took a card out from the middle of the bouquet and began to read it;

“Ebony. Let’s start with the fact that I still want you. I like the way you make me feel even when you’re nowhere near. I daydream about you. About us. My tummy fills with butterflies hoping that me and you will actually be together again one day. You’re constantly on my mind and they always say, “never give up on someone which you can’t go a day without thinking about”, so I’m not going to give up on you. I shouldn’t have given up on you in the first place though. I know I shouldn’t have and I regret it. I regret it more and more each day. I just want you to hold my hand and have your fingertips linger on top of mine again. I want you to whisper little secrets into my ear and trust me with your life, just like before. I don’t want to tell you how much I still love you through a letter, but I doubt you’ll want to see me again, and I’m scared you’re going to fall for someone else. I know you’re with Mark now, but I can sense that you don’t love him, maybe you do, but I don’t want you to fall in love with him.

“I want you to want me; I want you to sit and hold me. I want you to be next to me. I want to stare into your eyes. They’re beautiful. I’ve never, ever felt this way about anyone before, and I never will. You’re special to me and I have no idea what I would do if I actually die without you.

“I want you to always be there when I need you. I need you. I do. But most of all; I want you to love me like the way I still love you.”

I stared at the card as if it was a ghost. Tom had written this. To me. Saying how much he wants me back but he can’t.

Too bad, buddy. I kept repeating in my mind, but my heart was telling me something completely different. The opposite. But I couldn’t quite work out what.

“Ebs. Your phone is ringing! It’s an unknown number. Want me to answer it for you? It’s probably that prick...” That prick. Tom. I still have his number in my phone...

“No I got it. Hang on,” I ripped up the card and threw it in the bin along with the red roses, turning on my heel to walk into the living room where my phone was indeed ringing. And the screen clearly showed that Bill was calling. Lying bastard. He knew Bill was calling me. Wait, what?

I picked my phone up from the coffee table and hovered my thumb over the ‘cancel’ button, but my thumb darted and pressed the ‘answer’ button, my hand subconsciously moving the phone to my right ear.

“Hello?” I stuttered. I heard nothing on the other end. “Bill?” a loud rattling noise echoed through my ear drums and after a few seconds, a soft strumming of a guitar was heard. Since when did Bill play the guitar? ... Oh.

I was about to pull my phone away from my ear and cancel the call, but the soothing sound of someone singing stopped me from doing so. I sat down on the sofa and listened to what was being sung to me;

“Today is a winding road,
That’s taking me to places that I didn’t want to, whoa.
Today in the blink of an eye,
I’m holding on to something and I do not know why I tried.

I tried to read between the lines,
I tried to look in your eyes,
I want a simple explanation; what I’m feeling inside,
I gotta find a way out,
Maybe there’s a way out.

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know you’re unlike any other?
You’ll always be my thunder, and I said,
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colours,
I don’t wanna ever love another,
You’ll always be my thunder,
So bring on the rain,
And bring on the thunder.

Today is a winding road,
Tell me where to start and tell me something I don’t know, whoa.
Today I’m on my own,
I can’t move a muscle and I can’t pick up the phone, I don’t know.

And now I’m itching for the tall grass,
And longing for the breeze,
I need to step outside, just to see if I can breathe,
I gotta find a way out,
Maybe there’s a way out.

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know you’re unlike any other.
You’ll always be my thunder, and I said,
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colours,
I don’t wanna ever love another,
You’ll always be my thunder,
So bring on the rain,
And bring on the thunder.

Yeah I’m walking on a tightrope,
I’m wrapped up in vines,
I think I’ll make it out but you just gotta give me time,
Strike me down with lightening,
Let me feel you in my veins,
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain.

Today is a winding road,
That’s taking me to places that I didn’t want to go, whoa.

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know you’re unlike any other?
You’ll always be my thunder, and I said,
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colours,
I want wanna ever love another,
You’ll always be my thunder, and I said,

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know you’re unlike any other?
You’ll always be my thunder,
So bring on the rain,
Oh baby bring on the pain.

And listen to the thunder.

I pulled the phone away from ear and clicked ‘end call’ before anything could be said. I could feel Mark’s eyes burning a hole in the side of my head, but I ignored it and stared at my phone. Tom just sang to me. It was hard to take in, and I probably won’t ever be able to accept that. I told him to leave me and the children alone, but the next day he sings to me./i] Why? What’s his problem? Can’t he just leave us alone? Evidently not.

“Who was it?” Mark asked me, placing his hand under my chin and forcing my head to face him.

“Bill,” I whispered.

“And what did he want?” I moved my eyes to look at the floor.

“Nothing”

“Liar,” Mark hissed at me. “Look at me in the eyes and tell me what happened over the phone. What did he say because you didn’t say anything for a good 5 minutes,”

I slowly looked over into Mark’s angry eyes and whispered, “Nothing happened,” I choked on a sob as I stood up and left the room. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Why had he ignored my text? Why did he have to choose to sing me that song? He knows Boys Like Girls are one of my favourite bands and that song is my favourite song ... he had this planned. He sent me the flowers and then called me to serenade over the phone. He ignored my text message for a reason. And that made me smile.

He made me smile.

He’s always been able to make me smile in a way that no one else can, and that will most likely never change. It will never change. Me and him won’t change. How I feel won’t change. Nothing’s going to change.

And that’s when it me. Hard. Like a tonne of bricks smacking me in the face or a grand piano falling from the sky and landing right on top of me. Why?

Because I still love him.