Kids in Love

“I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor and ask my girl to dance. She'll say yes. Because these words were never easier for me to say, or her to second guess, but I guess that I can live without you but without you I'll be miserable at best.”

{#!#}

We sat down at a table across from each other. Ayden sat next to Garrett and I was fine with that. I didn’t know what to say; I didn’t know what I wanted to say or where to start. So we sat there in silence and pretending to be interested in the menu. I missed Derek and I wished he were here. I glanced at Ayden and saw Derek’s eyes watching me and I smiled a little bit and Ayden grinned at me. He was so excited. We ordered and when the waiter walked away we sat in awkward silence again.

“So um… how’ve you been?” Garrett asked softly.

“I’ve been good, you?” I replied. I could feel the awkwardness and the tension, it was almost tangible.

“I’ve been alright, I guess. I missed you guys a lot… It’s weird having the apartment to myself again,” he said quietly and I nodded. I didn’t know what to say to that. “How are you and Derek?” I could tell that I wasn’t going to like this conversation. I could lie and tell him that we were perfect but I knew Garrett would see straight through me, he always did.

“We’re fighting right now actually but we’ve been fine,” I said.

“Fighting about what?”

“You.”

“Why are you fighting about me?” I knew Garrett well enough to hear the smug undertone in his voice, and it made me angry.

“We aren’t really fighting about you… It’s more about the fact that you wanted to have lunch with just me and Ayden and you. Derek wasn’t exactly happy about it and a bunch of crap happened after that,” I elaborated. I didn’t want to go into detail because it really wasn’t any of his business.

“Oh, why wasn’t he happy about it?”

“That was the dumbest question you’ve ever asked me Garrett,” I stated. I was a little angry because I knew he was doing this on purpose. He knew exactly why Derek wouldn’t be happy about this and I bet he knew that I’d ask him about it and it would make him angry… Maybe I was reading too much into this.

“I don’t think it was a stupid question,” he shrugged. I sighed knowing I’d have to give him answer or he’d never drop it.

“Would you want your fiancée to go have lunch with her ex-boyfriend who also happened to have helped raise your child? I don’t think so,” I told him. I was getting a little irritated and I may have been a bit harsh.

“I think he should relax a little bit. Who you go have lunch with is your business,” he said and I wanted to slap him.

“Oh please Garrett, you know you would’ve been pissed about it too.”

“No, I would’ve minded my own business and let you take care of yours,” he replied easily. There was something there in his eyes that I didn’t really like though I couldn’t quite place what it was.

“Whatever… why did you ask me here today?” I questioned, I skipped ahead in the conversation I had worked out in my head. I was going to wait for a while and see if I could figure it out myself but I didn’t want to spend that much time with him and I realized that now.

“Because I missed you and Ayden,” he answered simply.

“So… you could’ve just come with John and the guys yesterday,” I pointed out.

“Yeah and been with him all day too, I don’t think so,” he said shaking his head.

“Why specify that it’d be just the two of us Garrett, you had to have known it would start a fight. So, besides acting like a child who didn’t get what they want, what was the point?” He was silent as he looked down at his hands. Ayden was busy coloring with the crayons and coloring sheet he had gotten when we came in so at least he was occupied. He seemed to either not notice Garrett and I or just not care.

“I just wanted to see you, I wanted to be able to sit and talk to you…”

“Then start talking Garrett, I don’t have all day,” I replied.

“Can we go somewhere else?” he asked. I sighed.

“What about lunch?”

“I planned to ease into it a little bit so lunch was to get started…” he said. I left a five on the table and picked Ayden up. Garrett followed me out and we went to a park down the street. Ayden went to play and Garrett and I sat on an empty bench. There weren’t very many people here.

“Alright, say what you need to say because I have to get back to the venue soon. Derek will be wondering where I am,” I replied. I had a feeling that I wouldn’t like this conversation.

“I thought you were fighting…?”

“That doesn’t mean that he stopped caring what happens to me,” I pointed out impatiently.

“Right…”

“Garrett, tell me what you wanted to tell me so I can leave.” I know it was harsh but I really didn’t want to hear what I had a feeling he was going to say. He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders.

“Jamie… I shouldn’t have given up, I should’ve fought for you because… because I loved you so much, because I still love you more than anything. And I want you back,” he said and I felt like I might throw up.

“Garrett, I’m-”

“Don’t tell me that you’re engaged, I know that. You’re not married yet… Please Jamie, I love you so much. I can barely function without you.”

“Garrett it’s been almost a year, why now?”

“Because now you’re here, and Ayden’s is here, we can go back to how it used to be. When things weren’t complicated and being together was easy, when it was natural,” he said and took my hands in his. I still felt like I might get sick. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was in shock and all I wanted to do was leave but I couldn’t make my body listen. “Come back to me, baby,” he whispered and when he started to lean towards me my body finally started to follow instructions. I ripped my hands out of his, shoved him away, and stood up.

“No.” I walked away from him, towards the slide. Ayden had just gotten to the bottom when I reached him.

“Mommy! What’s wrong?” he asked. I picked him up and started towards the exit. I didn’t look back to the bench where I knew he was still sitting. I could feel his eyes on me. “Where are we going?” Ayden questioned softly.

“We’re going to the venue,” I told him; I could hear my voice shake.

{#!#}

We got back to the venue quickly and as hard as I tried I couldn’t calm down. I found John inside and handed Ayden to him. He didn’t ask questions. He took him and hugged him and hugged me with his open arm.

“On the bus,” was all he said to me. I nodded and headed that way. The bus was empty. It always seemed to be that way when I really needed to talk to Derek. He stood up when he saw me.

“Jamie, I-” he started but stopped when I threw my arms around his neck. I don’t know why I started crying but I did. I didn’t sob but I let a few tears run down my cheeks. Derek held me close and kissed my temple. This was why I always came back to him. Even if he was angry with me or I was angry with him he would be there to comfort me. He always knew how to make me feel better. He knows when and what to say and when to just hold me. His hand found my cheek and he lifted my face so I was looking at him. He kissed my lips softly. “I’m sorry I’m such an ass,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry I’m such a bitch,” I replied at the same level he had spoken. He kissed me again and then held me close.