High School Is the Least of Our Worries.

Gerard.

I’m glad that Frank got to drive me home, even if he missed school for it. I couldn’t have driven home if I had wanted to, and plus, I didn’t want to be alone when I was at home anyway. I love having him with me, even if we’re not saying anything. It’s like I feel safe around him.

We go back to mine, and he seems a bit more… jumpy than usual. It’s like he was scared of being around me, which I though was fucking stupid. He helps me to my door, and I can’t help but wince as I limp towards my shitty house. I open the door and he nearly runs off then and there, but I refuse to let him go just yet. My excuse is that I hurt too much, but I think I wanted him there more for moral support. He’s my rock.

He sits me down on the couch and he looks at me worriedly. A series of questions spurts out of his mouth:

“Do you need anything, Gee? Can I help you with anything? How are you feeling? Does it hurt when I poke you there?”

I answer these with quiet answers, “No. No. Okay. ARGH, YES!!” I can tell he looks scared to touch me after that, in case he hurts me.

“Frank… please don’t feel responsible for this.” I say quietly, and he looks up, obviously feeling guilty about all of this.

“I don’t feel responsible…” he lies, and I smile despite the situation.

“Then believe in what you say,” I say softly, and look up into his eyes. He looks back, but this time, his gaze is different. I search him. There’s something unfamiliar mixed in discretely with his excited longing. The longing acts as a barrier, yet I see past it. It’s hesitation I see in his eyes.

I cup his face gently, barely noticing the pain.

“It’s okay, Frankie,” I whisper, leaning in slowly, “I’m fine,” and I give him a seductive smirk before attaching my lips to his, cupping the back of his head and stroking his cheek with my thumb.

Frank.

He smirks at me and kisses me gently, stroking my cheek. I relax into him and kiss back, sliding my tongue into his unprotesting mouth.

We arrange ourselves on the sofa so that Gerard is under me and I’m on top, straddling his waist. Our lips never leave each others as we continue to make out in Gerard’s old deserted dilapidated house.

As I kiss him I think about everything. I think about him, I think about myself and more importantly… I think about us. And there is an us. I can’t tell myself there isn’t anymore. We kiss like a couple, we’ve had sex twice! He loves me…

I love him and I’ve come so close to admitting it but I still can’t.

I’m jolted out of my thoughts by Gerard as he slides his hand down my back to rest on my ass.

Suddenly it hits me. This is my fault. He got beaten up because the football team lost me as their captain. They thought it was Gerard’s fault when it was really my own.

I fell for him. I know that sounds cheesy and romantic but I don’t give a fuck because it’s true.

I break away from him panting, my lips read and swollen, my breathing erratic. “N-no... can't,” I breathe and Gerard looks at me with confused eyes.

“Why not?” He asks and he looks like a little lost puppy.

“Because it’s not right,” I sigh and Gerard gives me an exasperated look.

“I thought we’d got over this Frankie!?” He exclaims and I sigh again.

“I just don’t feel right doing it after… well what you’ve been through okay, I don’t feel like it that’s all.”

“Yeah… whatever, Frankie,” Gerard says softly

Gerard.

I’m lying on my beaten bed, tangled in the covers, smiling up at the most beautiful guy ever. His long, black hair, glistening with sweat, falls down onto my face. He’s panting hard, tired after our passionate night. He looks down at me, smiling his crooked grin; the one I’ve always loved. Almost a year and we’re still going strong.

We met at a party, through some friends. I thought he was wonderful right away – beautiful, funny, talented. His voice was awesome and I would hear his band play every night. I thought I was really cool to be going out with a senior, even though no-one else could know. Bert said they’d beat the shit out of us. I’d always assumed he was right.

Back on my bed, I can’t help grinning up at him. “That was fucking awesome,” I breathe in between my pants, completely succumbing under his weight. His naked body feels amazing against mine.

“Yeah, it was,” he grins and leans down to kiss me on the lips. “I love you, you know,” he says softly.

“I love you too,” I smile and my insides flutter. I can never get used to him saying those words. They always make me think; what did I do to deserve him? He leans down on top of me and I wrap my arms around him. He kisses my neck softly and I let out a soft moan. I could lay like this forever.

The soothing silence is broken by the harsh tune of a cell. I groan and he smiles down apologetically at me, looking down at his phone to see who had sent him a message.

“Who is it?” I ask casually, but he doesn’t answer. “Bert?”

“What?!” he says quickly, and I jump. He’s looking at me, with a different expression on his face. He’s no longer calm and content, but jumpy and nervous.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, concerned, and he gets off of me. I shiver at the sudden cold.

“Nothing, I… I gotta go,” he says quickly and grabs his clothes. I sit up and run my hands through my hair. “Why?!”

But he’s already gone…

I sit up straight in bed, breathing hard. I look around the room and almost think that I’m in my room, a year ago, waiting for him to come back.

I haven’t relived that moment before… I blocked it from my mind. I’ve been trying to block him from my mind. I need to try harder.

I sigh and run my hands through my hair, laying down before settling into an uneasy sleep.

Frank.

I look at the clock. It reads 3:15am. No matter how hard I try to sleep, it just won’t come. I’ve tried counting sheep, and can I just ask who the fuck came up with that idea!? I’ve jerked off, to Gerard of course but every time I close my eyes I see his sad disappointed face as I told him I didn’t want to kiss him. I did want to kiss him, and so much more…

I feel so guilty and it’s tearing me up inside.

I left soon after our argument, came home to a cold empty house. Nothing new there then. I made myself dinner and came up here where I’ve been lying ever since.

I roll over and know sleep is impossible. Mom came home a few hours ago, she had someone with her. A man. I’ll spare you the details of what I heard over the next hour. But let’s just say, one of the worst noises a kid can ever here is one of their parents going at it in the next room!

I glance at the clock again. It reads 3:17am What the fuck?! Surely all that thinking must have wasted more than two fucking minutes!

I suddenly hear a noise, giggling and scuffling then a loud low moan coming from the room next to mine. Oh that’s just fucking brilliant!

It’s going to be a long long night.