High School Is the Least of Our Worries.

Gerard.

I wince with every step, my eye and side throbbing painfully as I walk out of the building. Tears fill my eyes as I remember his face, his perfect face… wanting to help but refusing to. I’ve lost the only thing in my life worth living for.

So… what is life worth living for? My heart tells me nothing but my head is telling me to get a grip – but since when have I listened to my head? All this time I’ve done what my heart’s told me to, and I’ve fallen in love with someone who I know can love me back, but doesn’t. I groan inwardly. Only now I realise how fucking stupid I’ve been. None of this can have lead to happiness… Frank’s like a drug. I have to keep taking him over and over to keep the happy feeling, and if I can’t keep taking him, I die inside.

They smashed my car in, determined to stop me from escaping them easily; but I had to leave, even though it kills whenever I take a step. It’s not them I have to escape from; it’s life I have to escape from. Frank.

That’s when I make my decision.

Back in the sanctuary of my room, I find the one useful thing my father passed down to me. I hold it gingerly in my hands, the cool metal piercing my flushed skin. It feels so… destructive.

I set it down and get my drawing of him, the only drawing I have left. I rush through a note addressed to him, and I know these will be the last words I ever say to him. If life is without you, life isn’t worth living.

I don’t realise my hands are shaking until I set the drawing – now suicide note – on my bedside table and I pick up the gun. I look back and take the drawing of him and kiss his sketched lips gently.

“I will always love you,” I whisper, repeating the words scrawled on the paper. “Maybe one day we will meet in heaven… or hell. Either way, I will wait for you. Forever.”

I bring my shaking hand down, pointing the loaded gun right at my heart. My heart has broken already, and he has my heart forever. This way, he’ll know that I have died for us, so we can be together forever.

Tears roll down my face. “I love you,” I whisper. And the next thing I hear is the shot of a gun.

Frank.

I speed down the road, mentally kicking myself. I am such an asshole! I still can’t get Gerard’s face out of my mind… the way he looked at me. Disappointment. Heartbreak. Hopelessness.

These look on his face alone was cold, but so full of longing. I fight back tears. I didn’t mean to treat him this way… I thought it would be better for us, if I just leave him alone. No, that’s not the reason. I did it for my own fucking selfish needs… I wanted to be liked again, like I’ve always known. I know that I didn’t care about Gerard, and now…

My eyes widen as I hear a gunshot, echoing around the run-down estate. No-one even looks out of their windows, as if this is common in this part of New Jersey. My heart stops, as I look up at Gerard’s house. It’s still… far too calm to actually be calm.

What the fuck am I still doing in the car?!

I race out of the car, my heart pounding as never before. “Gerard!” I yell, my scream echoing around me. But no answer. I slam into the door, pounding on the wood with all the strength I can muster. “Gerard!” I scream.

I smash the window, the glass brutally stabbing me as I leap through into his house. Blood oozes from my cuts but I ignore it.

“Gerard, please, answer me!” I yell again, and run up the stairs. It was just as I feared.

Gerard Way, the love of my life and my everything, lies on the floor, blood pouring out of his chest. His eyes are struggling to stay open; a gun lays forgotten beside him.

“No…” I breathe, rushing over to him. “Gee?” I say desperately. “Gee, answer me!”

“Frank…” he says in a small voice, so tiny that I can barely hear it. Not the voice of me Gee at all. “I didn’t… I didn’t want you to see me die,” he whispers, forcing himself to open his eyes.

“Gerard, Gerard stay awake!” I plead, leaping up and dialling an ambulance, shouting the address into the phone.

I hang up and lean back over him, taking off my shirt and pressing it gently to his wound.

“Why does it hurt so much, Frankie?” he whispers hoarsely. “I was meant to die immediately…”

“You… missed your heart. By inches,” I whisper, my voice cracking. Thank God he missed. “C’mon, Gerard. You’ll make it. Just keep holding on.”

“No… I’m dying, Frank,” he whispers and I shake my head desperately.

“No! No you can’t be! Don’t give in, not now, after all we’ve been through!” I plead, tears streaming down my face.

He simply looks up at me with complete resignation written on his face. I cry harder as I realise he’s giving up. “I’ll wait for you, Frankie... forever,” he whispers.

“No, don’t give up! Please, I need you!” I nearly scream, and then I collapse next to him, clutching a piece of his shirt as I sob.

“I love you, Frankie. I’m so, so sorry,” he whispers, tears leaking out of his own eyes.

“Don’t apologise,” I whisper, leaning over and kissing his lips gently. He kisses back slowly... weakly.

“I really do love you. With all my heart,” he whispers and I bite my lip. Say it!

“I love you too, Gerard,” I whisper into his ear.

A second too late.