Sequel: A New Kind of Denial ›
Undeniably In Denial
Reese
“So then I just say to the guy, ‘Really now? Are we gonna do this?’ and he backed off. I don’t know what his problem wa –“ I said, getting cut off by Jason awkwardly kissing me. “And what was that for?”
“Um, I don’t really know. Sudden urge?” he answered in more of a question form as his eyes darted away from mine.
“You’re lying. What are you trying to hide?”
“I'm not lying. I just had a weird sudden urge to kiss you,”
“Jason, I know you’re lying. I just don’t know what about. Now, you could tell me what the hell it is you’re hiding, or I can find out the hard way. And by the hard way, I mean the hard way,”
“You wouldn’t…”
“Wanna bet?”
“Not in public, you wouldn’t,”
“Are you so sure about that?” I asked, whispering in his ear and running my hand up his leg. He shivered and let out a shaky breath.
“Oh my Jesus,” he mumbled.
“What were you hiding?”
“Aright, Jay, the gig is up. You might as well just tell him before he rapes you,” Ash laughed. “This was bound to happen sooner or later.”
“Ash, you know why he kissed me?”
“Yea, we all do,” Ianto piped in.
“It’s also the real reason we sent you to wait for the car in Cardiff,”
“And that is…?”
“Camron Dole,” Jason whispered as if he was embarrassed about it. I hadn’t heard that name spoken aloud by someone else for a long time. “He’s this big shot model and dancer out here in Europe. The reason we made you go get the car was because we saw an advertisement for some clothing company, and well, he was the model for it.”
“Wow, he’s a model?” I asked, kind of awestruck.
“Yea, and I kissed you just now because there was this huge billboard of a blue jean ad where him and some girl seemed to be getting it on,”
“But he’s completely gay,”
“I know. That’s what I'm confused about too. That, and the fact that the girl looked vaguely like Rina,”
“Well did she have her fiery red hair?”
“The advertisement was in black and white, so I couldn’t tell,”
“Either way, why’d you want to hide that from me?”
“Because we know what it did to you. The breakup, that is,” Ash said, putting a hand on my shoulder.
“No, he knows what it did to me,” I corrected, pointing at Jason, trying not to let my emotions overwhelm me. “I was over him by the time I met you guys.”
“No you weren’t, mate,” Ianto chuckled. “It was easy to see that even though you broke up with him, you were still hurting. He was your first boyfriend, though, and you guys really had something special. Well, according to Jay.”
“Yea, we did, but it’s over now. I'm over him. And I'm pretty sure he’s probably over me too. It’s been five years, guys. That’s a long time. Trust me, you don’t need to hide anything from me about him,”
I sat down at my laptop later that night with no particular plan of attack in mind. I decided to check the band’s social networking pages on ‘our-world’ and ‘ConnectMe’, since none of us had been on either since the beginning of the tour. Then I checked my personal pages to find just about the same things; friend requests, comments, messages, etcetera. One post, though, really caught my eye. It was quite ironic, seeing as how Jason had brought up both people earlier. There was a link to a picture posted by Rina, a girl who has been friends with us all since we first got our band together. She wrote with the link, Hey Reese, I found this picture the other day and thought it kind of looked like you. is it? the other guy looks like this famous european model named Camron Dole. Do you know him? or am I not seeing this right. Let me know please. I knew without even looking at the picture that it was me, and that it was Camron too. But I just wanted to see what picture it was, so I clicked on the link. It brought me face-to-face with a picture of me and him slow dancing at the winter dance the night we broke up. There was no real way to figure out who took the picture, but that wasn’t really an issue anyways. The picture itself was adorable and made me smile, just by looking at it. I went back to the wall post and replied to it.
yea, thats me and Camron. He was my first boyfriend back when we both lived in Jersey
She must have been online while I was because she replied almost instantly. Awe, when was this taken?
my senior year in hs. It was my schools winter dance
Really? You two look so cute together. do you mind if I ask what happened?
I decided I might as well tell her, instead of making something up or just ignoring it. It was so long ago, anyways. My ex gf kissed me and I kissed her back. I didn’t mean to but I did it either way
aw. That sucks. did ya love him?
Did I? I know that when I broke up with him, I told him I almost loved him, but…yea, i did love him, but I didn’t just love him. I was in love with him I think
“I knew you’d finally tell someone the truth about it,” Jason said, popping out of nowhere, putting his hand on my shoulder as if he was a proud father.
“How long have you been standing behind me?”
“Since you pulled up the picture. I saw it from across the room, so I came over here and sorta read the whole conversation,” he admitted, getting kinda red faced and embarrassed.
“What did you mean by finally telling someone the truth?”
“About you being in love with Camron. You wouldn’t own up to it before, but I always knew you loved him. The way you looked at him or acted around him was the same way you acted around Skye,”
“What about Mae?”
“What about her?”
“According to your observations, do I love her?” I asked, genuinely wanting to know what he thought about it.
“I’d say, you kind of love her, but you’re probably not in love with her,”
I sighed, “Okay, good.”
“Why good?”
“Because I sort of don’t want to love her. I mean, yea, she’s awesome and fun to be around but I just don’t feel it with her like I used to. I don’t know how to explain it, really,”
“I get what you’re trying to say, and I think you should just break up with her now if you feel this way. You know, before anything big happens that you can’t get out of,”
“Like what?”
“Like maybe a baby,” he shrugged.
“Do you know something I don’t know?” I asked, swiveling around in my chair quite fast, hoping he wasn’t saying what I thought he was saying. “Is she…you know?”
“What, pregnant? Nah, I doubt it. Why would I know that if you didn’t?”
“Well, I don’t know, maybe because she’s you’re cousin?”
“She hasn’t told me anything like that. Do you think she is?”
“No, and I really hope I'm right. Jesus, Jay, you scared the shit out of me! I thought she was actually pregnant!”
“No, no, no, no, no. I wouldn’t worry about it. I'm sure she’s not. I was only saying that if you don’t end things now, it would just be your luck that something like that would happen,”
“Yea, you’re right,” I sighed; glad he didn’t know anything about that. That would be just horrible, finding out she’s pregnant. I don’t even want to think about that.
“Um, I don’t really know. Sudden urge?” he answered in more of a question form as his eyes darted away from mine.
“You’re lying. What are you trying to hide?”
“I'm not lying. I just had a weird sudden urge to kiss you,”
“Jason, I know you’re lying. I just don’t know what about. Now, you could tell me what the hell it is you’re hiding, or I can find out the hard way. And by the hard way, I mean the hard way,”
“You wouldn’t…”
“Wanna bet?”
“Not in public, you wouldn’t,”
“Are you so sure about that?” I asked, whispering in his ear and running my hand up his leg. He shivered and let out a shaky breath.
“Oh my Jesus,” he mumbled.
“What were you hiding?”
“Aright, Jay, the gig is up. You might as well just tell him before he rapes you,” Ash laughed. “This was bound to happen sooner or later.”
“Ash, you know why he kissed me?”
“Yea, we all do,” Ianto piped in.
“It’s also the real reason we sent you to wait for the car in Cardiff,”
“And that is…?”
“Camron Dole,” Jason whispered as if he was embarrassed about it. I hadn’t heard that name spoken aloud by someone else for a long time. “He’s this big shot model and dancer out here in Europe. The reason we made you go get the car was because we saw an advertisement for some clothing company, and well, he was the model for it.”
“Wow, he’s a model?” I asked, kind of awestruck.
“Yea, and I kissed you just now because there was this huge billboard of a blue jean ad where him and some girl seemed to be getting it on,”
“But he’s completely gay,”
“I know. That’s what I'm confused about too. That, and the fact that the girl looked vaguely like Rina,”
“Well did she have her fiery red hair?”
“The advertisement was in black and white, so I couldn’t tell,”
“Either way, why’d you want to hide that from me?”
“Because we know what it did to you. The breakup, that is,” Ash said, putting a hand on my shoulder.
“No, he knows what it did to me,” I corrected, pointing at Jason, trying not to let my emotions overwhelm me. “I was over him by the time I met you guys.”
“No you weren’t, mate,” Ianto chuckled. “It was easy to see that even though you broke up with him, you were still hurting. He was your first boyfriend, though, and you guys really had something special. Well, according to Jay.”
“Yea, we did, but it’s over now. I'm over him. And I'm pretty sure he’s probably over me too. It’s been five years, guys. That’s a long time. Trust me, you don’t need to hide anything from me about him,”
I sat down at my laptop later that night with no particular plan of attack in mind. I decided to check the band’s social networking pages on ‘our-world’ and ‘ConnectMe’, since none of us had been on either since the beginning of the tour. Then I checked my personal pages to find just about the same things; friend requests, comments, messages, etcetera. One post, though, really caught my eye. It was quite ironic, seeing as how Jason had brought up both people earlier. There was a link to a picture posted by Rina, a girl who has been friends with us all since we first got our band together. She wrote with the link, Hey Reese, I found this picture the other day and thought it kind of looked like you. is it? the other guy looks like this famous european model named Camron Dole. Do you know him? or am I not seeing this right. Let me know please. I knew without even looking at the picture that it was me, and that it was Camron too. But I just wanted to see what picture it was, so I clicked on the link. It brought me face-to-face with a picture of me and him slow dancing at the winter dance the night we broke up. There was no real way to figure out who took the picture, but that wasn’t really an issue anyways. The picture itself was adorable and made me smile, just by looking at it. I went back to the wall post and replied to it.
yea, thats me and Camron. He was my first boyfriend back when we both lived in Jersey
She must have been online while I was because she replied almost instantly. Awe, when was this taken?
my senior year in hs. It was my schools winter dance
Really? You two look so cute together. do you mind if I ask what happened?
I decided I might as well tell her, instead of making something up or just ignoring it. It was so long ago, anyways. My ex gf kissed me and I kissed her back. I didn’t mean to but I did it either way
aw. That sucks. did ya love him?
Did I? I know that when I broke up with him, I told him I almost loved him, but…yea, i did love him, but I didn’t just love him. I was in love with him I think
“I knew you’d finally tell someone the truth about it,” Jason said, popping out of nowhere, putting his hand on my shoulder as if he was a proud father.
“How long have you been standing behind me?”
“Since you pulled up the picture. I saw it from across the room, so I came over here and sorta read the whole conversation,” he admitted, getting kinda red faced and embarrassed.
“What did you mean by finally telling someone the truth?”
“About you being in love with Camron. You wouldn’t own up to it before, but I always knew you loved him. The way you looked at him or acted around him was the same way you acted around Skye,”
“What about Mae?”
“What about her?”
“According to your observations, do I love her?” I asked, genuinely wanting to know what he thought about it.
“I’d say, you kind of love her, but you’re probably not in love with her,”
I sighed, “Okay, good.”
“Why good?”
“Because I sort of don’t want to love her. I mean, yea, she’s awesome and fun to be around but I just don’t feel it with her like I used to. I don’t know how to explain it, really,”
“I get what you’re trying to say, and I think you should just break up with her now if you feel this way. You know, before anything big happens that you can’t get out of,”
“Like what?”
“Like maybe a baby,” he shrugged.
“Do you know something I don’t know?” I asked, swiveling around in my chair quite fast, hoping he wasn’t saying what I thought he was saying. “Is she…you know?”
“What, pregnant? Nah, I doubt it. Why would I know that if you didn’t?”
“Well, I don’t know, maybe because she’s you’re cousin?”
“She hasn’t told me anything like that. Do you think she is?”
“No, and I really hope I'm right. Jesus, Jay, you scared the shit out of me! I thought she was actually pregnant!”
“No, no, no, no, no. I wouldn’t worry about it. I'm sure she’s not. I was only saying that if you don’t end things now, it would just be your luck that something like that would happen,”
“Yea, you’re right,” I sighed; glad he didn’t know anything about that. That would be just horrible, finding out she’s pregnant. I don’t even want to think about that.