No More Secrets

I really should have been excited for Brendon. He was doing what he loved to do, and on his way to make a living out if it. That would be cause to be happy, right? I was just angry he didn’t tell me when we first started dating. I mean this was a big deal; Brendon was going to go on tour for months at a time, party with celebrities and have tons of girls following him! We wouldn’t be able to see each other as much as I would like. Eventually, someone would forget to call and before you know it Brendon would be on the arm of some socialite!

I had held back tears even since I was in the car with Spencer and Jon. I couldn’t keep them back anymore and held back a whimper as I let the tears flow. Hot little tears trickled down my cheeks and I wiped them away as fast as I could. But they streamed down my face and made my day old make up run. I kept wiping my eyes, nose and cheeks as I walked down the road and back across the bridge to my side of the river.

I hadn’t been paying attention to where I was walking, until I was in front of the gateway to the house. By that time I had finished my crying and somberly walked up to the front door. I quietly made my way upstairs and walked into the room when I heard someone clear their throat behind me. Mom was standing in the middle of the room with her arms crossed and a deadly look on her face.

I wasn’t in the mood for fighting but when mom got pissed, there was a good chance an argument was not far behind.

“Where have you been?” she asked quietly.

“Mom, I…”

“It’s eight thirty in the morning. Where have you been?” she asked her voice an octave lower than normal.

“I’ll tell you Aunt Meredith.” Charlotte said stepping around my mom. “She was out.”

“Mom look I was going to tell you but…”

“She was out with that horrible musician from across the river!” yelled Charlotte.

I couldn’t believe it. Charlotte ratted on me and Sam. Actually, I could believe it. What I couldn’t believe was mom not believing me. I told her repeatedly, that nothing bad had gone on between us and that he really was a good guy. All she could do was look at me. Mom had Nancy go get Sam and all of us went to Aunt Deidra's room.

When mom knocked on her door, Deidra answered in her nightgown.

“What’s going on?” she demanded” Can’t it wait till we’re all decent?”

“No, Dede.” Mom said. “It can’t.”

Sam, Charlotte and I were led in and we all faced mom and Deidra , Sam and I with our heads down. Charlotte then went to explain what had happened, adding in fake information at the appropriate times. Deidra grew paler as Charlotte went on about finding beer bottles in Sam’s car and seeing me sneak out every night for the past week with numerous guys. We tried to set the story straight, but Mom and Deidra obviously were buying it. After Charlotte was finished with her story, both mothers were silent. They couldn’t even look at us.

“Please momma.” Sam said quietly.”Please say something.”

She shook her head and kept looking away. Finally, mom said

“I’ll leave you to deal with Samantha, Deidra . Lilly...” She walked to the door and waited for me to follow. I looked at Sam who was very pale and on the verge of tears. I squeezed her hand as I left.

Mom and I walked to our suite without exchanging a word. In our room, she went to the table with her back turned to me. Her small frame was shaking as she tried to control herself. Mom and I had gotten into fights before, but I knew this one was going to trump all of them.

“Why?” finally turning to me, her voice rose as she spoke. “Why did you lie to me? You lied straight to my face, Lilly! I thought I raised you better than that!”

“Because as soon as Deidra said she didn’t want Sam or Charlotte around him, you immediately thought that as well! You have never agreed with anything she has ever said, and I thought if I got to know him, I could prove you both wrong.” I said matching her angry tone.

“I have good reason to distrust musicians.” She said in a low voice.

“Why? Deidra doesn’t like musicians because she thinks they are below her. She thinks we are below her and we are family! I don’t understand you…”

“You want to know why?” she said almost hysterically. She paused and slowly walked to the doors to the balcony. She opened them and took a deep breath of the morning air. With her back to me she started talking in a low voice.

“Your father’s life revolved around music. It was like that when we met in high school, it was like that when I went away to college and it was like that when we married. I thought, he would settle down after we had children, you know, wanting to be home more. But I should have realized…You were only a few months old when it happened. He had been told that if he went away to some studio in Chicago, he would be signed, go on a world tour and be as famous as he wanted to be. So, one day he left. Just like that. No note, no goodbye, just an empty closet. I had been at work and I came home and you were asleep in your crib and he was gone. A month later he decided to call and let me know what happened. There was no studio, there was no contract. He decided he’d rather make it on his own then come back to his family.”

She turned and looked at me with the saddest look I had ever seen. It broke my heart to think of her so hurt like that. She gave me a weak smile and said “And I didn’t want you to go through something like that.”

“And Deidra ?”

Mom laughed a little bitterly.

“It was all she could do to not say ‘I told you so.’ She saw what happened to me and swore she’d never let that happen to her. So she married rich, that’s what she did.”

“Mom, Brendon is not like my dad.” I said quietly shaking my head.

“Tell me. Tell me what he IS like Lillian.”

“He…he…” I struggled to find the words to tell mom how different from dad Brendon was. ”He cares about me. He keeps me safe when we go out. He pays attention to me; he’d never lie or cheat.” The lump in my throat was unbearably hard to get rid of and I ended up going to mom and crying like I was five again.

“I knew as long as Deidra had a stereotype on Brendon, you would too. You agree with everything Deidra has ever said, no matter what it was. And…and I thought if I got to know him, you wouldn’t judge him so harshly…I really like him mom, please don’t take this away from me.” I ended sobbing into her shoulder. She stroked my hair and shushed me until my sobbing had subsided into hiccups.

“Do I really agree with everything Deidra says?” she asked quietly.

“Almost everything…You’ve always told me to not judge a book by its cover, and that’s what she does, mom. Deidra never takes the time to get to know people.”

She stood back and looked me in the eyes.

“You really like him?” she asked as if making sure everything I had just said didn’t factor in the equation.

“Yes.” I said, not blinking. She smiled and sighed.

“I guess we’ll have to have him over for dinner one night.” She smiled. I threw my arm around her and she hugged me back. Suddenly, we heard raised voices downstairs and the slam of a door. I looked at mom who nodded and said

“Make sure Sam is okay.”