No More Secrets

Five months after my summer of hell, and I hadn’t heard anything from Sam. The only person who did try to contact me was Richard, but after not responding to any of his twenty five voicemails, he stopped. I had moved out mom’s apartment and was living with Beth. Beth was my best friend. She was brunette, had blue eyes, short and one of the funniest people I knew. She and I got along pretty well, we did have our fights but they were always resolved with a half gallon of ice cream.

I won’t say I never thought about Brendon. I thought about him all the time. But when I did, I would try to think of something else. I was too disgusted with myself on how I left to even think about him. But life went on. I was taking classes at Blackford Community College and enjoying how busy I was with homework. That is until a week after Christmas.

Beth and I were lying around the house one afternoon. It had snowed the night before and we were very comfortable doing nothing. Well, nothing included typing up a paper for my English class. I was rereading my paper, taking occasional glances at a stuffed panda with a purple heart on my dresser, when there was a knock at the door. I was in my room and I heard a man’s voice at the door. Mail man I thought. Maybe our mail box had frozen shut again. I heard the door close and Beth came into room.

“Lilly? There’s a guy in the front room asking for you.”

I wasn’t expecting anyone. But I got up and went out anyways. Beth went to her room to read, but I knew she was going to be listening at her door. When I went into the front room my heart skipped a beat. There was Brendon, standing in my living room in a winter coat, Converse, wet jeans and a smile on his face. I had forgotten how he turned my insides to mush.

“How did you…”

“I went to your mom’s apartment and she gave me your address.”

“But how did you know…?”

“Sam gave me your address. Well, your mom’s address.”

“Sam?”

“You didn’t know? After you left she moved out. She and Ryan have gotten back together so I’ve seen her practically every day since summer.”

“No. I didn’t know she moved out. I haven’t heard from anyone, well except from Richard, but I’ve been ignoring him…”

“Lilly. There’s something I should have told you a long time ago. I just…I wanted to make sure you liked me. Brendon Urie, the guy who liked going to the park and the one who rescued you from the river.”

“Of course I like you, Brendon. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you!”

“Then why didn’t you tell me you had a boyfriend? I felt like an idiot when you left! I just watched you drive away and that guy, Richard, yelled at me to leave or he was calling the cops!”

“I’m sorry Brendon. I only said that because my cousin was jealous and I was still mad that you didn’t tell me about your band. Richard and I weren’t going out or engaged. Charlotte…she…”

“So you lied so your cousin would…”

“Think I didn’t have feelings for you, and then maybe she would have left us alone.” I said wringing my hands.

He looked at his shoes and started laughing. Somehow I wasn’t finding what was so funny.

“I feel like I’m in some chick flick.” He chuckled. “You know, she did come up to me after you left. She introduced herself, saying she knew who I was and if I need someone to talk to, she’d be happy to listen. I, however, was dealing with the grief of my girlfriend running away, so I said no. I’ve never seen a death glare that actually could kill someone.” He stopped laughing and became very serious. “But now, there’s something really important I need to tell you and it cannot wait till later.”

I sat down on the couch and he sat next to me holding my hands in his. His hands were still cold from being outside, but I didn’t mind.

Looking me straight in the eyes he said. “I’m in a band with Ryan, Jon and Spencer. We are going to be going to Maryland to record our second c.d. Then after that we are going to go out on tour.” He looked at me and I smiled. “What do you think, now that you know?”

“It’s better late than never, I guess. But now that I know, I guess its okay.”

“Okay?” he asked looking at me again.

“I still like the Brendon who saved me from the river better.” I said getting closer “But I think I can like the new Brendon just as much.”

He hugged me and I could feel my inside turning back to a solid state.

“No more lies or trying to hide a huge secret?” he asked.

“No.” I laughed. “No more secrets.”