I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love.

Two days went by where I didn’t talk to anybody. It was just me in my room locked in with my thoughts.

Thinking about Gerard made me want to kill myself.

It made me want to hurt EVERYBODY. Just like he had.

I sincerely believe that I could’ve really hurt myself.

That is, if it weren’t for Grandma.

It was around dinnertime when I got a phone call. I had unplugged all my land-lines, and about an hour before I got the call I felt a need to turn my cell phone on.

“Hello?” I answered, ready to hang up if it was Gerard.

“Hi, it’s me, sweetheart,” It was Gerard’s mom, “You should come down here. It's not looking good for her.”

My eyes were flooded with tears and I put my hand to my mouth to keep me from crying out, “What?” Is all I could get out.

“Please come. I want you to be here.”

“Okay, okay, I’m on my way.”

I pulled on a messy outfit and sped to the hospital. I was weak from not eating and being sick and now I was nauseous. After I exited the elevator, I had to rest for a moment against the wall. I was weeping and sniffling, trying to conjure up enough strength to walk.

“Kat?” I heard my name and looked up to see Mikey’s blurry figure.

“Mikey?” I asked and reached my arm to him.

He ran over to me.

“Are you okay?” I asked him, wiping my eyes and nose.

“No.”

“Good, me niether.” I admitted and squeezed him tight. He hugged me back and supported me enough to walk to the room.

The entire Way family and me were in the hospital room. Including Gerard, but we weren’t there because of us, we were there for her.

We watched her slip away that night.

Needless to say, everyone was a complete wreck. After about an hour of sobbing with Mrs. Way, I offered to get us some tea. I walked into the cafeteria and saw Gerard seated at a table next to Mikey, staring into his cup of coffee.

I coughed to get his attention. He looked up for a moment, but quickly returned his glance into the liquid. His eyes were a deep crimson from crying.

Mikey stood up and walked over to me. He took the tea from my hand, “Please talk to him. I’m scared,” He pleaded in a whisper, “I’m gonna take this to mom, okay?” He directed to Gerard, but Gerard was ineffectual.

I tip toed to the end of the table, “Gerard?” He was silent and still.

I slid down the table and sat across from him, “You’re scaring Mikey.”

He looked up at me again with cold, broken, pale green eyes. His skin was so pale, he looked blue. His lower lip quivered.

“You’re scaring me.” I realized.

He was silent for a long while.

“I should have been here. She needed me.” He finally said.

“Gerard, this is not your fault.”

He bit his lip and tried to keep from crying.

“It’s just me here. It’s just me.” I pledged, hoping he could open up and let go.

“Why are you here? I ruined our lives. I’ll kill us, too.” He hissed before he quickly got up and walked away.