You & I Collide

Rachel

Paul was alive.

That was the only thought in my head as I ran through the forest on Jacob’s back. His paws pounded against the ground in a rhythmic pattern, taking me to Paul…who was alive. The packs had cornered Amun and he was dead. Paul wasn’t. Paul was alive. I couldn’t stop thinking it. Even after I had left him for Emmett, even after I had told Emmett that I didn’t care about Paul anymore, not the way that I cared about him, even after I had left Emmett, knowing that it wasn’t right, even after I had thought that Paul would never want me back. I couldn’t deny the authenticity of my joyfulness at the fact that Paul was alive. That proved without a doubt that I still loved him, and always had. I had lied to Emmett, because I had always cared about Paul. Yet sometimes the feelings you feel the strongest are the ones you are aware of the least.

Jacob skidded to a halt near the edge of the woods, gave me a growl that said ‘stay here’, and then dashed behind a large growth of tangled trees and bushes to phase and put on a pair of shorts.

“He should be right out there,” Jake told me, shaking a few leaves out of his hair as he emerged from the trees. Right out there….The thought made my palms tingle with anticipation and delight. My heart was out of control.

“Thanks, Jacob,” I told him. “Really, thank you. For everything. For being there for me even when I had done wrong.” And I had done wrong—many wrongs. Wrongs that made me sick to think about, but wrongs that—hopefully—were about to be made right.

“Anytime,” he said, and his voice was soft and gentle. “And…I know that you’ve hurt him, Rach. And I know that you’ve hurt yourself. And I know that you messed things up with Rosalie and Emmett. And I know that you were really cruel. And I know that you made really awful choices. And I know that what you did was a terrible thing to do. And—”

“Is this supposed to be helping?”

Jacob continued with a smirk, otherwise acting like I had said nothing. “But I’m proud of you for staying strong,” he finished, his voice saturated with undiluted love and kindness.

“Thanks,” I told him again, ignoring the ribbing that had occurred previous to the affection.

“Now, uh, I have to get back to…somewhere, so go ahead and, er, have fun.” He gave me a sly grin as he hurried behind the trees to shrug of his shorts and phase. I knew that he was just giving me a gift—time alone with Paul.

Slowly, I broke through the last of the trees, and gasped when I saw Paul standing at the other end of a small clearing. Was it really him? I blinked twice, making sure that I wasn’t imagining things, and then I took off running, satisfaction taking over.

The time that had made a barrier between us did not matter anymore. Nothing did, not even the barrier itself. Because now that barrier was useless. There was nothing stopping me from running to him, nothing stopping him from running to me. I couldn’t see anything else but those perfect blue eyes and that beautiful smile and the fact that he was actually there. I ran towards him, hardly even noticing the burn in my legs as I pushed myself forward.

I kind of slammed into him, but I didn’t care. I hurled myself at him and secured my arms around his neck, my feet lifting off the ground as I held onto him tightly, never wanting to let go. I was sobbing before I had even reached him, and was choking on those sobs as his arms wrapped around my waist, holding me against him.

“Paul,” I choked out through my tears, inhaling and exhaling with a wheeze. “I’m…so…sorry. I was…stupid…you must…hate me.” My voice trembled miserably.

He set me down on my feet, but kept his arms around me. I held onto him, too.

“I could never hate you, Rachel. I love you far too much to do that,” he answered. His voice was like honey—sweet and beautiful. I realized I had been missing that sound as soon as my mind tried to hold onto it as long as possible. Strange how every part of me was completely aware of his presence, his existence. How I could sense that every nerve in my body was fully alert. Love did that kind of thing to you.

“But…but I left you…for Emmett,” I gasped between the hyperventilation spasms. Those last few words were difficult to choke out. “And…you…still love me?” the words were a garbled mess of incredulity, but he understood.

“Of course. I mean, I was a total mess when you left me, Rachel, a disaster, but I’m not going into detail with that. But I never stopped loving you. You see, I love you so much that I want you to be happy, whatever that means. If it means that you want to be with me, then great. If it means that you want to be with…someone else”—I could tell he had been about to say something like ‘a repulsive Cullen’—“then that’s okay, too. But I could never not love you. Even if you had wanted to be with somebody different, that never changed. And it never will, no matter who you choose.”

My heart skipped a few beats then took off rapidly in a frenzy of anxious palpitations. He was going to take me back, he was going to forgive me. Even though I had thought that after what I did, he wouldn’t want me anymore, he could still love me. He was much, much too good for me, and he deserved someone better than me, someone who hadn’t torn his heart out and ripped it to shreds. But we belonged together, and his easy forgiveness proved it.

“I made my choice,” I told him, my words a little more intelligible now that I had stopped bawling momentarily.

Paul looked at me expectantly. So I leaned in close, close enough that my nose brushed the tip of his, and whispered, “I choose you. I love you, Paul.”

“I love you, Rachel,” he whispered, his breath soft as it washed over my face.

Slowly, gently, and carefully—as if I had forgotten how to be with him during the long few months of his absence, absence I had foolishly, rashly, and cruelly inflicted—slowly, I tilted my head upward, looked into his sparkling eyes, and leaned in to press my lips to his.

At first, the kiss started off tentative and with hesitation, and it indeed did seem like we had forgotten. But then the memories began to flood back, and his mouth was far more urgent against mine. I put one hand on his smooth, russet cheek, and smiled against his lips as his warm hands gently moved down my back. He whispered my name along my lips, the intensity of the moment nearly tangible in the air. I traced the smooth planes of his face with my hands, remembering….

Then I parted the kiss and hugged him fiercely, resting my cheek on his bare shoulder as I slipped my arms around him. He held me, too, holding me close and tight as he put his head on my shoulder.

“Paul,” I whimpered, the tears coming back. “I’m so sorry. Leaving you was the most idiotic thing I’ve ever done. I’ll never forgive myself for it.”

“Shh, Rachel. It’s okay…it’s okay. I’m here, and I love you. And I’ll never stop loving you. Even if you leave me again, I will never stop loving you.”

And then a thought occurred to me that had before, but I had never really spoken to Paul about, because it was far too horrible, too painful. I didn’t want to ruin the moment, but my thoughts had to be spoken out.

“You might be lying, even if you don’t know you are,” I murmured sorrowfully.

Paul’s tone changed, turning slightly defensive. He pulled back a bit so that he could look at me. “Rachel, seriously, I will never leave you, never stop loving you. How many times do I have to—”

“I know you love me, Paul,” I interrupted softly. “And I love you, too. But…what if you…imprint?” I spoke the last word so quietly I could have been mouthing it, but Paul heard me clearly. His eyes turned cold as ice with anger—anger at the fact that the very thing he had become could tear him away from me—and then they melted into sadness and hopelessness.

He took a deep breath and did not speak for a long time. We just gazed into each other’s eyes, seeing what neither of us could lose, not again. But we were staring at what either of us might lose, and that made the pain strike hard.