Jizz In My Pants

Alex and Melissa wandered through the thick of the cemetery to get to that back. Thinking it was a flashlight, Alex grabbed a small cylinder from the trunk before they left on their excursion to the depths of the graveyard. As it turns out, he grabbed a fleshlight instead. (For those of you who don’t know what a fleshlight is, it is something that looks like a flashlight on the outside. But when you open up the cap, there’s a vag in it. So it’s like a flashlight you can have sex with.) But they didn’t realize it until they were near the back of the graveyard where the light of the moon wasn’t enough to guide them. In frustration, Alex threw down the sex toy and groaned. “Damn Jack and his inventions…”

Melissa laughed and grabbed Alex’s hand as she led him deeper into the field of graves. “Well you should have checked that it was a flashlight first!”

He huffed and continued to walk with Melissa. “But still. It’s called a fleshlight. It should have a light! Otherwise, it’s just called a vagina stick.” They both laughed and continued to walk, not really scared of their surroundings. As far as they were concerned, they were just taking a walk among very strategically placed stones, not dead people.

That all changed when right in front of them, a blue light cascaded down a grave. Stopping dead in their tracks, they stared in awe as the stone started to glow with more intensity. “A-Alex? What the fuck is going on?”

“I have no idea.” He shook his head in disbelief. Then, a very scantily clad ghostly figured appeared in front of them. It appeared to be the ghost of some kind of stripper. “DAMN!”

Oh god, she looks so familiar… Is that Cindy? Melissa squinted her eyes to see if she recognized the dead slut in front of her. “What do you want from us?”

The ghost turned quickly to Melissa and furrowed her eyebrows. Then, she lifted them and gave a huge smile. “Melissa! Girl, wassup? I haven’t seen you in so long!”

Alex looked back and forth between Melissa and the ghost, confused as to how they might know each other. “Wait, you know her?” he asked accusingly, pointing to each girl.

With a scoff, Melissa flipped her hair and put a hand on her hip. “Of course I don’t know Cindy! She must just be delusional from being dead or something.” Giving a nervous laugh, she skeptically darted her eyes somewhere else, not really sure her lie worked.

Narrowing his eyes, Alex looked at Melissa. “If you don’t know her, then how come you just said her name?”

Think quick Melissa. Come on, think! Oh wait! “I read it on her gravestone! Duh.”

Alex still wasn’t buying what she had to say. He and Cindy spent the next half-hour trying to get the truth out of Melissa, who was determined for Alex to be hidden from the truth.

Meanwhile, in the right side of the yard, Zack and Laura were exploring amongst the broken tombstones. Neither of them had said a word to each other since they started their search. Soon, Laura became fed up. “Okay, what are we even looking for? This is so stupid!”

Zack shrugged his shoulders and snapped another picture of a grave, trying to capture something paranormal on film. “Well, we’re supposed to be documenting and sketchy shit we see. I think it’s actually kind of fun.”

Laura grabbed her chin and looked around. When her eyes caught sight of something in the distance, she smirked. “If we really want to find some scary shit, we should go into that crypt over there.” She pointed to a stone tomb about a hundred feet away. “I’ll be damned if I didn’t see something really spooky in there. Let’s go. Or are you too much of a pussy?”

Zack gulped and nodded his head. He was nervous, but he wasn’t about to let Laura see him as a weakling. If he ever wanted to get back with her, he had to prove that he was man enough. They approached the crypt shortly and read the inscription at the entryway. “It says… Capulet? What the fuck?”

Laura looked over the words again. “Isn’t that shit from that play? Romeo and Juliet?” Zack still pondered the idea as he used his strength to push open the heavy door that led them inside the family burial. They both gasped at what they saw inside. Romeo was standing by Juliet’s seemingly dead body, just about to drink the poison that would kill him. “What the Flyzik? Don’t do it, Romeo!”

Romeo put down the vile of poison and looked at Zack and Laura at the door. “Methinks thou art intruding upon this play. My fate has been decided, for here lies my love that is Juliet. Without Juliet, there is no life. Thus, I must take mine and join her in the bountiful paradise.” He looked dramatically down to Juliet and caressed her cheek.

Laura and Zack were both tearing up over the small speech Romeo had given. “Romeo, I read this play. Juliet took a potion to make her sleep and appear dead. If your impatient ass just waited like, five damn minutes, she’ll be up!” Laura walked over to Romeo and put her hands on her hips.

Romeo’s eyes went wide. “Does what ye say have but an ounce of truth? If there is but a sliver of chance that my love still may walk with the living, I will take it. Please, let not this news be false!”

Laura sighed. “I swear, I’m telling the truth. Look, she’s already waking up.” Zack joined Romeo and Laura at Juliet’s side as she began to wake up. Her fingers stirred and her eyes blinked.

Once she saw Romeo’s joyful face, she started to smile. “It worked! My dearest Romeo, I was so scared that-“

“Nonsense! My love, when I saw you lying upon this place of death, my heart broke into millions of fragments. I thought they could never be mended, so I took out this vile and was just about to take my life. But his kind woman and her friend informed me of your sleep and prevented it! Imagine, you waking up to see me lying just on the floor, poison still fresh on my lips. What a tragedy!” They both cupped each other’s faces and kissed passionately. Then, Romeo took Juliet’s hand and led her to the door. “Off to start our new life together! Where doth my love wish to venture?”

Juliet shrugged. “I’m thinking Vegas?” With that, Romeo and Juliet left the tomb, leaving Laura and Zack alone.

They both rushed out of the crypt and headed for the entrance of the cemetery when they heard the call from a distance. “MOTHER FUCKER!”

Because they practically sprinted, they arrived at the gate pretty quickly. They saw Anna and Jack just buttoning their pants with scared expressions on their faces. Mason was right beside them, out of breath. “Something’s wrong with Rian!”

Just then, Melissa and Alex arrived. They too were out of breath. “Okay, I heard something about Rian?”

Mason nodded and hugged himself. “I think he’s being possessed or something! We were over to the right of the cemetery when all of a sudden, his eyes went green and he started twitching! Then, he like, starting speaking Latin backwards or some shit! It was so fucked! I ran because he started to chase me and I ran into Jack and Anna bumping uglies right in front of the gate.”

Laura propped up one eyebrow and looked at a very embarrassed Anna. “You couldn’t even wait till you weren’t even a few feet out of the gate? That’s pathetic.”

Anna blushed and looked in the direction of Mason. “SHIT! HERE HE COMES!”

Sure enough, a green-eyed Dawson came running up over the hill with his arms outstretched. It looked like he was half possessed, half drunk. “Mason! Why can’t you just like, poof the damn ghost out of him or something!”

Mason put his palm to his face and took out his wand. “Sorry about that. I kinda forgot.” He laughed and pointed his wand at Rian. “Ghostus! Getus the fuckus outus of my boyfriendus!” Just like that, Rian stopped where he was, about five feet from Mason. He froze as a green bolt of light came out of his body and floated off. It left him weak and he fell helplessly to the ground. “Rian!” Mason ran over to him and put his arm under his head. “Are you okay?”

Blinking his eyes, he soon came to realization that he was no longer possessed by a ghost. He saw Mason’s face and was instantly relieved. “Wow that was weird. One minute I was trying to read the ghost’s mind, the next it took over me!”

Still helping Rian to his feet, Mason looked at Rian worriedly. “What do you mean you were trying to read its mind?”

Rian put his hand over his mouth as his eyes grew wide. He let it slip out that he had gotten his power. Slowly, he removed his hand and looked in Mason’s eyes. “I, uhm, got my power?”

A simultaneous gasp occurred as everyone in the group looked at Rian. Then, at the same time, they all said, “YOU CAN READ MINDS?”

Rian backed away slightly and rubbed his head. “Uhm, can we talk about this in the van? I’m a little sketched out by this place. I’d rather we were somewhere else.” He gulped and looked at Mason again. He seemed almost hurt. Then he looked at everyone else’s worried expressions. As they all made their way back to the van, Rian had a big decision to make. Would he reveal everyone’s secrets?